Having an affair with my boss

[BellZa]

Hi!
usual story.
I've been working here for a year now.
My boss is a great guy (I know I know.. .but EVERYBODY IN THE COMPANY TELLS ME THE SAME!) and I honestly feel lucky to work with him. I work in an all male team, in a mostly male department. and he has always been super respectful and considered and he is extremely protective of me and my work. (don´t know how to feel about this to be honest...)
2 months ago after a few days working long hours together... he kissed me. and I kissed him back...
We didnt´t do anything else that night because I said "no no no this is a terrible idea".
I say that night because yes... we are now having a full on affair.
and yes... he tells me all the things... he doesn't have sex with his girlfriend (not married but owned a house together, been together for a long time...) sleeping in different bedrooms, he is not happy, he has told her that he wants to end the relationship... I know all men say this.
A part of me, wants to believe him. The other is screaming at me for being such an idiot.
I now scared of people from work finding out, I'm scared of what's going to happen with my job if I break up with him, what if I Don't... my head is full of "What ifs"
He tells me that he loves, that he wants to be with me, that if I want we can just leave tomorrow together and go anywhere I want, that he has never feel this way before...
of course, their house is not on the market, he is still living at home and... they are on holiday together right now. (they have the trip booked from before but...) he says that they barely speak... well you know.
I think I'm going crazy because I don't believe anything he says now (before, when he was just my boss I trusted him completely) but I do want to believe him and see if he is telling the truth?

So... I need you all to tell me that he is just lying and I should just leave him and look for another Job . right?
I can't talk about this with anybody because I feel so ashamed... It's such a cliche...
and yes I feel terrible for his girlfriend.
I've tried to break it off a couple of times but them I see him in the office and he looks at me with such sadness and... I just fall back into it...

so... do we all agree? am I being a fool and he is just like every other cheating bastard and I'm a fool for believing that he is actually a nice man in a difficult situation? (as I'm tipping all sounds like bollocks to me ....)

Sorry for the long rant! I just needed to talk about it!

I'm not sure about people saying she will loose her job, if anything as a manager he will be in a whole lot of trouble if the company has any decent HR ethical policy.
I've seen it a couple of times with affairs at work and the senior one was the one that walked. One was a woman as well, and yes everyone will either know or at least suspect.

and he is extremely protective of me and my work.

Bullshit.

He's encouraged and enabled you to compromise your professional reputation and won't hesitate to throw you under the bus by firing you if he wants to stop shagging you or his girlfriend finds out.

They haven't got the tie of kids or marriage and he still hasn't left her despite claiming they barely talk and don't have sex. If that's true (it isn't) then he's a fucking weirdo for not leaving her for someone he claims to love. If it's a lie (it is) then he's wasting her time and stringing her along while shagging you.

If you were sure about ending it, you'd just send him a message while he's away I think.

Have you used bullet proof contraception every time you've had sex?

Are you the woman having an affair with my husband 🤔

In all seriousness, wtf are you doing. Irrespective of whether he is going to leave her or not, don't be the mistress. Ever.

He was right next to me texting her, taking pictures and sending them to her with me stood next to him. Sent her rooms tours with me in the background drying my hair, and was having sex with me and when I went to the loo was then texting her.

Don't be naive.

Look for a new job asap. Tell him it's over and don't reply to his texts anymore.

If you have to work closely together, keep the conversation to work related topics only.

I would personally not tell his gf, I would try to leave the job asap and learn from this. It's silly to date co workers, let alone have an affair with one.

I'm not going to be harsh to you, but please don't be naive.

1. How would you feel about the girl who did this with your boyfriend?
2. Don't shit where you eat...ever. I mean, ever.

My advice is leave this job, leave him and do not ever do anything like this again. I know how amazing it must be but that's men, they're utterly charming and they'll do/say anything. Sorry but it's the truth, been there done that.

OP you won't have been the first and you won't be the last. he is a walking cliche.

The fact he isn't married with kids means he could end that relationship at any tome. As could she. And yet they are instead holidaying together.

I imagine she is blissfully unaware she is apparantly sleeping in a seperate bedroom to him and their relationship is so desperately unhappy.

Look for another job . When you find one, tell HR. This man is in a senior position and has absolutely abused that.

Screenshot the messages, including what hes sent you while on his holiday with his girlfriend and when you leave send them to her. With a huge fucking apology. And before they get married or she gets pregnant. At least find some decency within yourself and give this poor woman a choice in her future.

He has fed you a complete load of lies. You realise this and for your own sake, get the hell away from him. He is a liar. he is NOT a great guy. Great guys do not screw their staff and cheat on their partner. And they ALL say, "this is so unlike me, never felt this way before, never done this before" and they are ALL in 'unhappy relationships, sleeping in seperate rooms' and yet always an excuse as to why they are still there. If he loved you as much as he says he does (again bollocks, sorry) he would NOT be on holiday with another woman. And I can't imagine any woman either going off on holiday with a partner who they are no longer with and has apparntly confessed to her his undying love for someone else. Just doesn't happen.

How is it 'karma' for a single woman to lose her job while a cheating man with a partner keeps his? Karma would surely be him losing his job?

She's done nothing wrong, work wise, unless there is a specific policy about relationships between staff. And if there is such a policy, the senior member of staff would come off worse.

Find a new job first, then move on and put this chapter behind you.
You made a mistake. He's a scumbag. I'm going to roughly guess he's quite a bit older than you too.

Op, look at it another way.

Do you think his partner would put up with this shit show of a relationship. Of course he's lying.

So. Cringe.

She’s done wrong having an affair with the boss.

He’s done wrong, hopefully he will lose his job and his partner.

The trouble with having an affair with the boss, is he is the boss! So holds more cards, it hardly an unusual scenario that the lower level female is managed out, not fair maybe but as my first post says, she’s a fool and soon to be unemployed fool.

It isn't unfair, it's illegal. She has done nothing wrong. Millions of couples met at work, so many bosses have married their staff it's a cliche. My boss married his secretary. Unless he's the owner and it's a tiny place with no HR department her job should be absolutely fine.

Just message him now and say it's over, then block him. Why can't you do that?

Did OP came, responded or updated the thread at all?

Yes many times, you can press "sell all" on her posts.

Ty @Jshq 🙂

Hi.
I have confirmation that I can work from home for July so I won't be seeing him again.
I texted him and told him it was over. That I couldn't keep doing this. That it has been a mistake and that I hope we could keep a professional relationship.
I have 0 faith in that so I've been updating my cv.
It's been a few hours and no answer...

Hope the next chapter in your story is one of redemption and no professional mishaps op.
Good luck. His reaction will be interesting in what it reveals I'm sure.

Good for you OP - onwards and upwards. Best of luck with the job search and don't be fooled by the 'but I'll give you a bad reference etc' back chat if it comes. He can't and he won't.

Might be illegal, still happens! So 🤷‍♀️!

Anyway OPs updating her CV in preparation.

@BellZa good for you. Unless he comes to you a free single man living on his own, it won’t ever be anything other than a bit on the side. And he won’t have the incentive to leave a relationship he’s not entirely happy with whilst getting the best of both worlds. And if he doesn’t leave then you have confirmation it never was as he portrayed.

@BellZa - good on you for ending it.

But you have been very naive. For future reference, never believe what a married man angling for an affair tells you. He told you what he needed to tell you to get you into bed. He knew you probably wouldn’t sleep with him if he told you the truth about your relationship so he lied.

And aren’t you struck by the fact that you’re the only woman in the team and you’ve ended up in an affair with him? That tells me he’s appallingly predatory. You say he’s protective of you and your work (why exactly?) but that’s also bollocks. Kissing you at the end of a long day is the opposite of protective. It’s sleazy and exploitative. He’s not kissing his male colleagues at the end of a long day, is he, but he is getting sex from the only woman on his team. There is no lovely romance here, OP. He’s a player and a nasty piece of work.

You & the girlfriend should both get STD checks