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Original poster

Having an affair with my boss

213 replies

BellZa · 21/06/2023 19:24

Hi!
usual story.
I've been working here for a year now.
My boss is a great guy (I know I know.. .but EVERYBODY IN THE COMPANY TELLS ME THE SAME!) and I honestly feel lucky to work with him. I work in an all male team, in a mostly male department. and he has always been super respectful and considered and he is extremely protective of me and my work. (don´t know how to feel about this to be honest...)
2 months ago after a few days working long hours together... he kissed me. and I kissed him back...
We didnt´t do anything else that night because I said "no no no this is a terrible idea".
I say that night because yes... we are now having a full on affair.
and yes... he tells me all the things... he doesn't have sex with his girlfriend (not married but owned a house together, been together for a long time...) sleeping in different bedrooms, he is not happy, he has told her that he wants to end the relationship... I know all men say this.
A part of me, wants to believe him. The other is screaming at me for being such an idiot.
I now scared of people from work finding out, I'm scared of what's going to happen with my job if I break up with him, what if I Don't... my head is full of "What ifs"
He tells me that he loves, that he wants to be with me, that if I want we can just leave tomorrow together and go anywhere I want, that he has never feel this way before...
of course, their house is not on the market, he is still living at home and... they are on holiday together right now. (they have the trip booked from before but...) he says that they barely speak... well you know.
I think I'm going crazy because I don't believe anything he says now (before, when he was just my boss I trusted him completely) but I do want to believe him and see if he is telling the truth?

So... I need you all to tell me that he is just lying and I should just leave him and look for another Job . right?
I can't talk about this with anybody because I feel so ashamed... It's such a cliche...
and yes I feel terrible for his girlfriend.
I've tried to break it off a couple of times but them I see him in the office and he looks at me with such sadness and... I just fall back into it...

so... do we all agree? am I being a fool and he is just like every other cheating bastard and I'm a fool for believing that he is actually a nice man in a difficult situation? (as I'm tipping all sounds like bollocks to me ....)

Sorry for the long rant! I just needed to talk about it!

OP posts:
ChubbyMorticia · 21/06/2023 19:55

Get a new job ASAP. Leave him with the job. Get therapy to figure out why you have such low self esteem to keep this situation going.

febrezeme · 21/06/2023 19:56

Get a new job

And get some morals and self respect

SeaSaltAir · 21/06/2023 19:59

Don’t be that girl in the office. I worked with one of you. It didn’t end well for her but he’s still employed, happy with this wife and they just had another baby.

Kikicoconut · 21/06/2023 20:01

He's on holidays with his partner right now…. They’re returning to their home that they own together… and you can bet your bottom dollar they’re sleeping in the same room. They also have sex, he just doesn’t want you to know this because he wants to suck you in. It sounds like you have been drawn in on this. Why doesn’t he leave his girlfriend, they have no kids etc, it wouldn’t be that tough. If he loved you, he’d have left her. I guess he’s telling you he can’t break her heart by leaving her! Anyway with your job, are you prepared to be the office this that or the other… you know what people will say. You’ll know they’re saying it. Is this what you want for yourself? What about career progression? I’d cut him loose like right this moment. He’s offering you nothing but a cheap bonk every now and again, before returning home to his girlfriend. He’s a cheater and a lot of the time ( not always, I know) these people don’t change.

Pitsop · 21/06/2023 20:02

You need to wake up, and see he is only using you. Are you happy in this situation? If his relationship with his girlfriend was half as bad as he makes out he would have left, but he hasn't and he is on holiday with her right now. You need to end the affair before it all ends in tears and you will be the one that gets hurt and is left with nothing. Find a new job and move on.

TallerThanAverage · 21/06/2023 20:03

Two comments

  1. You don’t sh*t where you eat.
  2. Your colleagues will know.
TheSeaDoesntKnowMyName · 21/06/2023 20:03

and you're here talking about it why?

romdowa · 21/06/2023 20:04

Block him and find a new job. You know its a mistake, he doesn't love you, he will not leave his partner and basically every word from his mouth is a lie.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 21/06/2023 20:05

He's playing you like a violin

And you know it....

Whattodowithit88 · 21/06/2023 20:06

Just a girlfriend and not married. Do they have kids? If she is just a girlfriend why hasn’t he left her then?

His lying to you and I think deep down you know it. Hope you don’t loose your job because of it!

Cuppaand2biscuits · 21/06/2023 20:07

He is lying, he is manipulating you.
End it and move on.

DumboLives · 21/06/2023 20:08

What he is saying and what he is doing are two different things. He is stringing you along knowing that he has over stepped the mark as a boss, can’t remember the term, and you could land both him and yourself in serious trouble.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 21/06/2023 20:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

HolyFire · 21/06/2023 20:09

I assume you are single?

If so you are a free agent so why doesn’t he leave his girlfriend and be with you openly?

Whattodo112222 · 21/06/2023 20:09

Chances are he's happily married and just loves having his cake and eating it. You're a fool. Find your self respect.

Fandabedodgy · 21/06/2023 20:10

You are being an idiot. And you know it. End it now.

Womencanlift · 21/06/2023 20:10

Absolutely no sympathy for you. If you are old enough to have a job then you are old enough to know what you are doing is not right

And stop this nonsense about him looking all sad. He is manipulating you and is definitely not a great guy. You will not be the first and you won’t be the last. Everyone in the office will know what he is like and will also know about you.

Like it or not you will now have a reputation that will be hard to shake off.

Tilllly · 21/06/2023 20:11

Even if everything he says, is true, and you know it isn't, it's still a self-destructive thing for you to be doing

As PP said, tell him you can't keep going on like this and you are going to call it a day unless and until he is free to be with you. And in the meantime, start looking for another job

Youngatheart00 · 21/06/2023 20:14

I’ve been there, so I’m not going to be as harsh or judgemental as other posters.

You know it’s wrong, that’s why you’ve posted. But it’s also an abuse of his power.

I would start looking for a new job asap and cut him off as much as possible. Speaking from experience, it’s not really possible to move on from it.

wish you all the best

SophiaElise · 21/06/2023 20:21

"Girlfriend" is probably his wife.

2catsandhappy · 21/06/2023 20:21

While he is on holiday, start job hunting.

InsomniacVampire · 21/06/2023 20:21

He saw you coming.
And you are a cow to sleep when you know he has a girlfriend. End of story.
Go and find some selr respect and dignity that you lost along the wa.

fluffiphlox · 21/06/2023 20:26

People at work already know because you are probably one in a series. Leave him and leave the job. You’re being taken for a mug.

Chronicallyknackered · 21/06/2023 20:30

I was used by my manager when I was younger, similar situation worked closely together. Fortunately he was single, but later on when he got a Proper girlfriend he would still come back occasionally. I was young and naive, he wanted his dinner made and regular sex, but not a relationship because of consequences at work. Similar to you broke it off a couple of times and soon let him back.
The emotional trauma that has come from being used I have only just explored through therapy, realising it contributed to the decline in my MH and making my physically ill.

Please protect yourself, call it off before you fall to deep, and doesn't affect your life too much in the future.

Landndialamrhf · 21/06/2023 20:31

Say yeah ok let’s do it, let’s run away together tomorrow.
Tell her tonight and bring your packed suitcase to work tomorrow.
you’re not together anyway, no big deal.

when he doesn’t, you could politely and calmly tell extract yourself then, hopefully without losing your job or reputation.
he is an awful awful person, please think better of yourself and know you deserve better. And you shouldn’t do this to another woman, certainly not for this waste of space man.