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Original poster

Should I Move In With Him

221 replies

AlyssaA · 20/05/2023 07:20

Hi All
im 45 and been seeing a guy for 2 years. He’s 18 years older than me but we clicked. He doesn’t like my son but My son is 21 and living independently. My bf has suggested I move in with him.
The thing is I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive as he’s suggested I am but the things that upset me about him are making me wonder if we should even be together let alone date. He is very switched on and hard working. He’s intuitive. He seems to want to guide and protect me but it comes across in a dictatorial way. I get lectures. If I do something he doesn’t like or don’t follow his advice, he gets snappy and moody. He brings up past ‘mistakes’ of mine often. He will swear and raise his voice and criticise me but if I stand up for myself then he’s more mad and won’t talk to me for a couple of days. Never an apology. He gets really cranky at times and will tell me to shut up, shut the F up, tell me I’m stupid, moronic, childish, naive etc. He will get annoyed over trivial things. I do not like his daily porn viewing but he told me accept it or leave. The problem is it seems to preoccupy him where he doesn’t show me much interest sexually.
He has good sides and we can have a good time. He can be loving and attentive and engaging. However his impatience with me and speed at which he gets angry at me worry me. He’s never been physical, it’s the verbal. Half the time I dont know what to talk about because he either isn’t interested or gets annoyed. It can feel like walking on eggshells.
Id love advice?

OP posts:
WhineWhineWhineWINE · 20/05/2023 07:21

No. It will get worse if you live with him. He sounds like a controlling bully.

MaggyNoodles · 20/05/2023 07:22

Don't move in with this man.

InceyWinceySpidy · 20/05/2023 07:23

"I feel like I'm on eggshells... He says I'm stupid, moronic... I'm worried about how quickly he angers"

Should I move in with him?

Seriously? You need someone else's advice to tell you if you should move in with him.

Oomph · 20/05/2023 07:24

Run. Fast.

BungalowBuyer · 20/05/2023 07:25

Of course not, absolutely not, NO !!

Chasingsquirrels · 20/05/2023 07:25

End the relationship

Perfect28 · 20/05/2023 07:25

He is emotionally and verbally abusing you. Ditch him, know your worth.

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 20/05/2023 07:25

Why is moving in even on the cards?! Kick the miserable patronising git into last week and find someone who doesn't swear at you, lecture you and make you walk on eggshells!

PerryMenno · 20/05/2023 07:25

Is this for real?

How could you possibly want to live with someone who treats you like that?!

GoodChat · 20/05/2023 07:26

I thought no as soon as you said he doesn't like your son, then the rest just got worse.

Callingallbutterflies · 20/05/2023 07:26

Do not move in and end it.

Ilikewinter · 20/05/2023 07:26

Is this for real?.
Obviously the answer is no.

WhatADrabCarpet · 20/05/2023 07:29

No.

Ragwort · 20/05/2023 07:30

Of course you shouldn't ... your self esteem must be rock bottom to even be thinking about it. It's actually very sad that at 45 you have such self doubt. I wouldn't even go for a drink with a man that was snappy, moody, swore and used porn daily.

TwilightSkies · 20/05/2023 07:31

Dear god…..no!!! He sounds like a crap partner!

Sux2buthen · 20/05/2023 07:35

Didn't read it all.

No.
Boo him off, go out and treat yourself. Life's too short for wankers

Macaroni46 · 20/05/2023 07:36

He sounds awful and he doesn't like your son? He needs to go. You and your son deserve better OP.

AnnWithoutAnnie · 20/05/2023 07:36

Read your own post as if someone else had written it.

my 'off the cuff' answer when I read your title was 'if you need to ask, no'

now having read your post I've changed my mind...

*FUCK NO! Ditch the twat!!'

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 20/05/2023 07:37

No. 🚩🚩

Aussiebean · 20/05/2023 07:38

Interesting that you say ‘we CAN have a good time…. He CAN be loving’

Not, he IS loving.

it’s almost like he doesn’t want to be loving with you very much, but chooses to occasionally.

Pashazade · 20/05/2023 07:45

Christ I got half way through that and my brain was yelling no. No moving in and end this! He sounds awful. He is not good for you at all!
Plus a daily porn habit is gross.
What does your son think I'm willing to bet he doesn't like him much, surely that's another indicator that this is not a good thing for you. Plus with the age difference you could well end up being his carer and trapped with him and his nasty behaviour.

SunshineAndFizz · 20/05/2023 07:48

Dude. Come on. Raise those standards.

Tina221 · 20/05/2023 07:48

No, don’t move in with him. He’s doesn’t like your son and sounds awful. Dump him.

WhatsitAlfie · 20/05/2023 07:49

What is it that appeals to you about this vile man? Is he rich

Bananarepublic · 20/05/2023 07:52

I married one of those because I thought it was 'only occasionally', 'he was really nice sometimes', 'I was probably being annoying'. Don't do it!

End the relationship now. It will wreck your confidence and you won't know what's acceptable and what isn't. And get some counselling to learn about abusive men and why you don't see the red flags earlier.