Should I Move In With Him

[AlyssaA]

Hi All
im 45 and been seeing a guy for 2 years. He’s 18 years older than me but we clicked. He doesn’t like my son but My son is 21 and living independently. My bf has suggested I move in with him.
The thing is I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive as he’s suggested I am but the things that upset me about him are making me wonder if we should even be together let alone date. He is very switched on and hard working. He’s intuitive. He seems to want to guide and protect me but it comes across in a dictatorial way. I get lectures. If I do something he doesn’t like or don’t follow his advice, he gets snappy and moody. He brings up past ‘mistakes’ of mine often. He will swear and raise his voice and criticise me but if I stand up for myself then he’s more mad and won’t talk to me for a couple of days. Never an apology. He gets really cranky at times and will tell me to shut up, shut the F up, tell me I’m stupid, moronic, childish, naive etc. He will get annoyed over trivial things. I do not like his daily porn viewing but he told me accept it or leave. The problem is it seems to preoccupy him where he doesn’t show me much interest sexually.
He has good sides and we can have a good time. He can be loving and attentive and engaging. However his impatience with me and speed at which he gets angry at me worry me. He’s never been physical, it’s the verbal. Half the time I dont know what to talk about because he either isn’t interested or gets annoyed. It can feel like walking on eggshells.
Id love advice?

The only stupid and moronic thing would be moving in with him. If he feels he can treat you like this while dating, imagine how bad it will get once you're under his roof. You shouldn't even be with this person, let alone moving in with him.

OP please find your self respect and ditch this loser. Find someone who knows how to treat a partner nicely. This is NOT your person.

Noooooooo.

No!!!!!

I'm worried you're even asking.

As soon as you said he doesn't like your son I was worried. I also have adult DCs and if another adult said they didn't like them, I would go right off that person. You still want to see your son? To have him visit? How would that work if the man you live with doesn't like him?

And the other stuff is shocking. Why do you think this is OK to date, let alone live with? A bf / partner is meant to make your life better, easier, happier (and vice versa of course). Otherwise what's the point? He is cruel, critical, undermining, disprestecful, arrogant... the list goes on.

This man doesn't love you. He wouldn't treat you like that if he did. He wants someone to control and bully.

So no, I wouldn't move in with him. But I wouldn't date him either. I wouldn't have him as a friend. Because he's vile.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope

Find someone else

I read the first paragraph and thought 'of course not'. Why the hell are you even with someone who doesn't like your son??? Get some standards woman!

How could you even think that moving in with him would in any way enhance your life?

He doesn't like your son - would you be happy with your son never visiting you?

He wants to guide and protect you? What the fuck? You're an adult - you don't need guidance and protection. What he wants to do is CONTROL you.

He brings up past mistakes, he gives you the silent treatment, he gets mad if you stand up for yourself this man is an abuser!

Run like hell away from him. Block him on everything.

His "niceness" is just a front and only apparent when everything is going his way.

no just no. I didn’t even need to get past the fact he doesn’t like your son but having read it all a definite big fat no. He’s bad news

Are you serious? Move in with him?! You should dump him immediately. Why on earth would any woman want to be with someone like this?

You can have a great relationship without living together you know. But I would not be with a man who swears when I express my opinions.

You don’t think anyone is going to say yes do you?!

He doesn’t like your son🤮

Diych him now. I’d never take up with anyone who didn’t like my d . Ds is 29 and totally loveable. If someone didn’t like him I’d tell them to fuck right off now.

Your son does not like this man for bloody good reason actually. He likely wonders why on earth you're with him at all.

Why is your relationship bar so low that this 63 year old was allowed into your life in the first place?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Get the fuck out of the relationship.

It sounds awful.

Under no circumstances consider moving in.

Under no circumstances consider continuing this relationship.

Raise your standards. You are worth more than this.

If this is real then I can't believe anyone would be so stupid as to even ask.

I’m sorry I can’t understand why you are even asking this question…

You are asking if you should move in with a man who wants to protect you by telling you what to do, criticises you, wants you to do as he says, doesn’t like your son…

I wonder if he wants a housekeeper/potential future carer?

‘Hey, Siri, what’s the opposite of a good man?’

Not a chance in hell would I even give an arrogant, controlling, boor like that the time of day.

It's very alarming that you'd even date a man like this. My guess is that you've had a series of abusive relationships. Get rid of this horrible man and get some therapy to figure out why you tolerate this kind of behaviour.

NO!!!! What would you tell your friend / sister / brother about moving in with this person?

I havent changed any of your words, just split them out and bolded....
You know you deserve better

He doesn’t like my son

He seems to want to guide and protect me but it comes across in a dictatorial way.

I get lectures.

If I do something he doesn’t like or don’t follow his advice, he gets snappy and moody.

He brings up past ‘mistakes’ of mine often.

He will swear and raise his voice and criticise me but if I stand up for myself then he’s more mad and won’t talk to me for a couple of days.

Never an apology.

He gets really cranky at times and

will tell me to shut up, shut the F up, tell me I’m stupid, moronic, childish, naive etc.

He will get annoyed over trivial things.

I do not like his daily porn viewing but he told me accept it or leave. The problem is it seems to preoccupy him where he doesn’t show me much interest sexually.

He has good sides and we can have a good time. He can be loving and attentive and engaging. However his impatience with me and speed at which he gets angry at me worry me. He’s never been physical, it’s the verbal.

Half the time I dont know what to talk about because he either isn’t interested or gets annoyed.

It can feel like walking on eggshells.

Definitely not. The first red flag is that he doesn’t like your son. Who do you value more?

He will swear and raise his voice and criticise me but if I stand up for myself then he’s more mad and won’t talk to me for a couple of days.

will tell me to shut up, shut the F up, tell me I’m stupid, moronic, childish, naive etc. He

Why are you even dating him? Run the fuck away.

No

See that hill , run for it.

He's 18 years older than you - set in his ways, can't admit he's wrong, will never change. You'll end up being his carer.

He doesn't like your son - massive red flag

He shouts at you, criticises, lectures, calls you names - wtf?? Why would you want to move in with someone who treats you like this?

Dump the abusive shit. You deserve better.

You might find it helpful to do the Freedom Programme.

No don't move in with him, I got to the bit where you said he doesn't like your son and thought WTF. It doesn't matter if he's an adult he's your son. He probably doesn't like your son as he's jealous of him or he knows your son will make you see sense.

My exh used to speak to me like your bf does, it chips away at your confidence being called stupid,naive etc. Leave now before he chips away so much that you don't recognise who you are.