Found a pregnancy test....

[Dad2cats]

OK, so not sure what to do here. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 5. Last week I opened her bedside drawer looking for some antihistamines and at the back found a 2 pack of pregnancy tests, with one missing, assume used. I should also mention that I had a vasectomy over 15 years ago and whilst our sex life may not be the whirlwind it was when we were younger, we still average 1-2 times a week.
We don't have kids, none of her girlfriends live close by and whilst I keep telling myself there must be an innocent explanation, I'm really struggling to find one.
It's eating me up inside and whilst I know I should simply ask her, I'm worried that whatever she says will either "make it true" or I won't believe her and then it's "out" and I don't know how we come back from that.
I'm also thinking of the wider implications, we're in (what I thought was) a trusting relationship and so haven't used protection since shortly after we got together. Now all I can think is was this a one off? Is it a regular thing? Is she having regular unprotected sex with someone else? Doesn't that also put me at risk from STIs?
Not sure where to turn, can't really speak to friends or family, what do I do?

Fair question… vasectomy was after having kids in a previous marriage.
My wife and I have always been very open in discussing things including our sexual health. As part of one of these conversations I went into quite some detail about the procedure “you were awake and watched?!?!” Etc. so yes, vasectomy predates us getting together but we have discussed on more than on occasion (tbh I think she finds the whole thing grotesquely amusing!)

I have pregnancy tests because my DH is concerned some months that his vasectomy failed (he was in the 2% of people who get a hematoma, he was off work for weeks with a grapefruit sized testicle so he's not going back!). So if I'm super late I'll test to reassure him and myself that we're good.

I actually did get a positive after his vasectomy, a few months later. It ended up being chemical or a false positive. We were both bricking it.

Also, could they be old?

lets turn the table - women here have shared a fair number of pretty wild pregnancy scare or even just pregnancy stories. Would you find it believable? Even if we explained the scientific reasoning behind how some of it would happen, would you just believe that women fell pregnant when there was technically near zero chance of doing so?

Right now you think your wife may be having an affair because you believe your procedure worked. However, there are many cases when it in fact did not work, and if you wife had any reasons to believe it may have failed - wouldn't she be just as justified in double checking?

Check the use by date on the tests, they might be ancient.

Then - ask her? Instead of a bunch of randoms on the internet.

Personally if I was sneaking around having an affair, I'd be more careful than to leave one of a two pack of pregnancy tests in my bedside table. I should think it has an innocent explanation.

I don't know if this will help.

I used to he on the pill. One month I didn't bleed on the beak. I knew I wasn't pregnant. I took it religiously and I also took a pregnancy test to be sire which came back negative.

I still went to the doctors, told them, they explained that sometimes a bleed doesn't happen, and that as I had already taken a test, I wasn't pregnant. I still insisted they also did a test! Which they did and was, of course, negative 🙄

Sometimes, the fear of pregnancy takes away all rationale.

You have an honest and open relationship with her. I would just tell her what you said here about finding it and ask her if everything is OK. I agree that her reaction will be telling.

I can also understand your feelings around it and so wil she. I wouldn't be offended if I was asked about it because a pregnancy test when you're with someone whose had a vasectomy does raise questions.

As lots of posters have said, if you ‘feel’ like you might be pregnant you test, so if you have late or missing periods or other pregnancy symptoms and you’ve had sex, you test. It might be a 0.001% chance but it’s still a chance and it costs a couple of quid to know for sure.

Pregnancy is the first thing that needs to be ruled out when looking at any gynaecological issues, like bleeding between cycles or unexplained pain. It’s something you’d check before you look for other causes of missed periods like perimenopause. It’s also something that needs to be ruled out before all sorts of other tests or procedures.

It seems like you’re trying to compare it to finding condoms. It’s not.

Well, you could try walking into the living room, saying "I was looking for the antihistamines", holding up the tests, finishing with "you know I've had a vasectomy, right?" with a quizzical look on your face, and seeing how she reacts.

She might have been asked to take a test by her doctor as part of a medical investigation. She could have had a late period and wanted to check that it was just late and nothing more worrisome, especially if she's approaching menopause. I joined a clinical trial and, despite having been celibate for over a year, had to take a pregnancy test.

I think men don't understand just how frightening it is to live with a babymaker inside your body that can activate at any time.

Why do you need to 'broach the subject' with her? You don't have automatic right to know any medical tests she's taken just because she's your wife.

Believe it or not but our bodies can fuck with our minds without any male involvement and thats nothing to do with you or any other man.

I have taken pregnancy tests when I was a month late before even though I was a bloody virgin... it gets into your head so much you can't think straight. Turns out I just had PCOS.

Even as an infertile woman, with an infertile partner, who needed IVF to get pregnant and who has next to no sex life it STILL fucks with my head.

Nearly every woman I know well enough to talk privately that has hit menopause age had a freak out about their periods when the hit it... only 1 was pregnant but lots of tests where taken no matter how illogical the situation.

Just to echo everyone else she obviously had a few weird symptoms and took a test. It's happened to almost every woman at some stage. I've had my tubes removed and I've even done it.

My best friend got pregnant after her husband had a vasectomy

He had to have it again

Not 100% effective. He accused her of course but she was faithful

Ok, I’ll ask her outright.
@bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg - you’re right, I don’t think any man really appreciates what it’s like to have a “baby bomb” just waiting to be triggered inside you. I guess it can lead to some less than entirely rational and potentially terrifying thoughts.
I posted here because I clearly didn’t appreciate this POV hence jumping to my own conclusions, not liking where I landed and hoping to get some reassurance that there were other, perfectly reasonable explanations. Yes, I realise MN can be a bit man-bashing at times, TBH we often deserve it, so let’s see, but where else am I going to get this feedback?
Hopefully, most of you are right and it’s perfectly innocent.
if not… well I guess we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.

I am having issues with approaching menopause and despite my husband having had a vasectomy 10 years ago was told to take a pregnancy test to absolutely rule the possibility out. So I have a second test knocking about somewhere.

As others have said this may be innocent, it may not. The only way to know for sure is just be honest and say you found the pregnancy test when looking for the antihistamines and go by her reaction.

I've done pregnancy tests more than once where it's been physically impossible for me to be pregnant but still needed to pee on the stick to get that sodding gremlin out of my head that was doing a merry old dance saying "What if..."

There's something entirely irrational about the prospect of an unwanted pregnancy that I don't think any woman can shake off.

This, its a bomb that could activate at any time, I'm pretty sensible but I would certainly be doing paranoid tests if I felt off even if DP was 'done' - too many 'miracle' baby anecdotes out there!

Well i had no idea that vasectomies could reverse! So that is a lesson for me.

FWIW I am on contraception and menopausal and I have taken a few tests lately because sometimes you get that 'feeling' there might have been an issue. So I have tests knocking about as well. Never mentioned it to DH.

I'd think that if she were having an affair and took a test she would have been scrupulous about getting rid of the evidence in the form of a second test.

Sounds sensible to ask her @Dad2cats and I'm glad you're going to do so.

There is every chance she is just panicking. Like so many others, I know I've done a few pregnancy tests when the chances of them coming back positive must be a million-to-one, simply because I see a bunch of symptoms and PANIC that I might be the one-in-a-million case.

For the sake of the cost of a test, it is always easier to just put my mind at rest. Hopefully this is the case for your wife.

Just to say I have done a pregnancy test even when I haven't had sex! Crazy but sometimes you just get gripped by the fear even if there is no chance at all...

I've taken tests when there was no or basically no chance of being pregnant. It can just provide peace of mind. I have PCOS so often go months whiteout having a period so to save worrying I just take a test, confirm what I know, and move on.

This. Even if it was impossible to get pregnant after your vasectomy it's so ingrained in our brains late period/feeling off -> potential pregnancy. I've never told my bf when I've taken a test "just in case". But if it bothers you then it's good to ask. But I wouldn't take this as a proof of cheating.

With the greatest of respect OP, you're adding 2 and 2 together and getting 6 - probably as a function of not really knowing what it's like to be a woman.

I've taken pregnancy tests due to a late period whilst having the contraceptive implant. I knew it was highly unlikely I was pregnant but it's just what you do. Even on contraception that's 98% effective I never assume I'm definitely not pregnant.

As a PP has said, it can be genuinely terrifying to have a late period when you're not trying to get pregnant - the choices we have in that scenario are have a baby we don't want, or have a termination which is traumatic. So it's one of the first things women rule out when their period is late.

My husband has had the snip. Last year I had symptoms I had only ever had when pregnant. A very specific type of nausea. I took a test which was negative. Turned out to be perimenopause. It might be where your wife is at depending on her age. Something felt different to her and she wanted to check. Often when you approach a GP about symptoms, the first thing they will say to a woman of childbearing age is have you checked you aren’t pregnant? Once you rule that out, they will investigate symptoms for other things. It’s possible the pregnancy test was like crossing an item off a tick list.

I don't know how old she is but it might be that her periods are becoming irregular/other symptoms and she wants to approach her doctor. She knows full well - lifetime of experience - that one of the first thing any medical professional asks a woman is "Is there a chance you could you be pregnant?" So if she's thinking of asking for medical advice, or has done already, she may well have done a test so she can say "no, I tested this morning".

Honestly the reproductive system is so mysterious and worrying - nice to hear other people say this - whether that's because you're trying to get pregnant or trying not to, or just living with a body that is constantly making changes to itself.

It's actually a relief to read that other people have also done tests while it being near/absolutely impossible that they're pregnant. I've done one in the past while on the pill and using condoms and only having had sex once in the last 4 months. Things get in your head. It's a huge responsibility.

My husband has had a vasectomy and I had a pregnancy scare earlier this year. I took a test and it was negative but didn't tell DH because what was the point? Tbf I didn't tell him about any of my pregnancies until I confirmed it with a test.
It's obviously bothering you so just ask her if she had a pregnancy scare recently. As others have said it can happen.