Found a pregnancy test....

[Dad2cats]

OK, so not sure what to do here. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 5. Last week I opened her bedside drawer looking for some antihistamines and at the back found a 2 pack of pregnancy tests, with one missing, assume used. I should also mention that I had a vasectomy over 15 years ago and whilst our sex life may not be the whirlwind it was when we were younger, we still average 1-2 times a week.
We don't have kids, none of her girlfriends live close by and whilst I keep telling myself there must be an innocent explanation, I'm really struggling to find one.
It's eating me up inside and whilst I know I should simply ask her, I'm worried that whatever she says will either "make it true" or I won't believe her and then it's "out" and I don't know how we come back from that.
I'm also thinking of the wider implications, we're in (what I thought was) a trusting relationship and so haven't used protection since shortly after we got together. Now all I can think is was this a one off? Is it a regular thing? Is she having regular unprotected sex with someone else? Doesn't that also put me at risk from STIs?
Not sure where to turn, can't really speak to friends or family, what do I do?

This would only be the relevant comparison if she were actually pregnant. It's not the relevant comparison if all you know is that she took a test, because it ignores the other (far more likely) possibility that her period was late for some other reason than pregnancy (or of course that she took the test for some other reason than a late period).

Why not? Aparrently all she has to do is say that she wanted to be sure and then he is the bastard for being suspicious.

It’s really not. Again, it’s a bunch of women relaying when THEY THEMSELVES have done tests for peace of mind, even if not rational.

OP, by all means, ask in one of the ways suggested, but take into account the replies on this thread and don’t be surprised if you hear something similar in reply!

@Dad2cats
I guess the question now is, how on earth do I broach the subject? :|

She's your wife FGS - not your next door neighbour. Be an adult and just ask her. What are you - 10?

being a woman can be weird being worried that you are pregnant is easily fixed. Society expects us to know. Late periods happen for all sorts of reasons.

Hi wife, I was looking for antihistamines and came across these pregnancy tests. Just wondered what you need them for? Should I be worried?

Are you a man or a woman? Vasectomy or not, if a woman who is having sex is late getting her period, a little part of her will think "what if...". Heck, even some of the ones not having sex will wonder too.

You won't be able to forget what you saw, so you need to ask your wife about the pregnancy test. Did you check the use by date on the box? It could have been there for years.

If taking roaccutane for acne you need to provide evidence that you are not pregnant by providing a test, as birth defects are extreme as the drug is so strong. You have to sign a contract to do so! Could it be something like this?

Could you point me to the poster(s) who said he is a bastard?

How on earth can you assume it would be a "lovely surprise" for them - they don't have kids and OP has had a vasectomy to presumably make sure they don't have kids!!

I’m definitely the first half of your username 🤣

It's more likely to me that she's had a late period or needed to take a test before a medical procedure, but the fact OP jumped straight to 'she's cheating on me' isn't the best sign for their relationship! If she was actually pregnant then different story.

Perhaps. I would have thought that if the tests were an indication of an affair then she’d be bright enough not to keep them in the house 🤷🏻‍♀️. I still don’t see any other reasons in OP’s posts to suspect infidelity. I think he’s allowing the intrusive thoughts to spiral rather than just asking her.

He had the vasectomy before they met but told her the details of it (the less reversible version) at some point.

Ahh I understand why you're anxious OP, I think I'd be if I were in your situation. But from an outside perspective, I think your wife would have to be pretty dim to leave the box of tests in her nightstand if she thought she was pregnant as the result of an affair.

In terms of broaching the subject, I don't see that you did anything wrong at all so I'd just tell her what you've told us? You were looking for medication and came across them and was wondering what was going on. No big deal!

@MySugarBabyLove pregnancy is a "go to" reason for every single thing that happens to woman's health. We have to take pregnancy tests for literally everything and are asked if we could be pregnant regardless of our age, condition or even possibility of being pregnant.

In this scenario, considering a vasectomy may have failed while having regular sex-life sounds absolutely likely. Just google any health symptoms and add "female" or "woman" - the result first will be either cancer or pregnancy

I have 5 children the youngest of which are twins, I got sterilised during my c section. When the twins were a few months old I had a bout of nausea that felt just like pregnancy sickness. I was still breastfeeding so periods were not back yet. I remember freaking out and the only reason I didn’t take a pregnancy test was only because I remembered that I hadn’t even had sex!

The type of sterilisation I went under is non reversible and extremely unlikely to fail, as my fallopian tubes were removed, instead of being cut and cauterised. A few weeks after the above ridiculous pregnancy scare I read a story of a woman who had the very same sterilisation procedure as me and fell pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby. So no matter how impossible or unlikely a pregnancy was I would STILL do a test just to set my mind to rest.

None of us can tell you why she took the test @Dad2cats but plenty of us can tell you that there are many completely innocent reasons for her to have done it.

“So I'm still stuck with that one, if she genuinely thought that my vasectomy might have failed, why would she not say anything and why would she continue to have unprotected sex with me?”

OP, she may well have had a momentary fear when her period was late, done a test, realised there was nothing to fear and then carried on as usual (especially if her period turned up a few hours later).

Hang on. I’ve just re-read this.

Happy to accept that affair is more likely than vasectomy failure.

However there is no evidence of vasectomy failure as AFAWK there is no pregnancy.

Are you saying that it is more likely she is having an affair than that she has had a late or missed period? I can only use my own experience as an evidence base but in my 25-ish years of menstruating I have had probably ten late or missed periods (that weren’t pregnancies) and zero affairs.

@Lillygolightly and medical professionals know about this tiny risks - so they always make people test!

When I was 20 I had a kidney stone, I just came off my period and have not had sex - and doctors at the hospital still made me take pregnancy test...TWICE!

I've also seen a post from a woman who have had a full hysterectomy and they still asked her is there was a possibility if she was pregnant when she went to her post-op check-up appointment 😅

@Dad2cats This forum probably isn’t the best place to ask a question like this for a guy. The reason I say this is because I seen something the other day on here that could have had a simple explanation like yours but every woman branded the guy a cheat and to leave anyway
I think the best thing you can do is just tell your wife you were looking for something and found pregnancy tests in her drawer and just ask is everything ok? And I’m guessing by her reaction you will know the answer. Good luck and I really do hope it is just she had a late period and just wanted to double check 🤞🏻🫶🏻

"The fact that the OP's wife has not mentioned anything about taking a pregnancy test is in itself unusual."

@thedancingbear no it's really not. The vast majority of women posting that they've taken a test just for peace of mind have said they didn't bother/didn't want to tell their husbands. I wouldn't have either if I knew it was very unlikely and I was just having "pregnancy paranoia".

How old is your wife? I’m late 30s and my cycles are getting longer and more sporadic. Sometimes I can go for 2 months without a period. I sometimes start to panic maybe I might be pg so test to be sure. Could that be it?

@Dad2cats if she's menopausal she may well have had a panicky moment because her period didn't arrive. I did