Found a pregnancy test....

[Dad2cats]

OK, so not sure what to do here. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 5. Last week I opened her bedside drawer looking for some antihistamines and at the back found a 2 pack of pregnancy tests, with one missing, assume used. I should also mention that I had a vasectomy over 15 years ago and whilst our sex life may not be the whirlwind it was when we were younger, we still average 1-2 times a week.
We don't have kids, none of her girlfriends live close by and whilst I keep telling myself there must be an innocent explanation, I'm really struggling to find one.
It's eating me up inside and whilst I know I should simply ask her, I'm worried that whatever she says will either "make it true" or I won't believe her and then it's "out" and I don't know how we come back from that.
I'm also thinking of the wider implications, we're in (what I thought was) a trusting relationship and so haven't used protection since shortly after we got together. Now all I can think is was this a one off? Is it a regular thing? Is she having regular unprotected sex with someone else? Doesn't that also put me at risk from STIs?
Not sure where to turn, can't really speak to friends or family, what do I do?

Because the OP and his wife do not use condoms. An inncornt explanation would therefore be very unlikely.

so yes, if he had found condoms (especially with a recent/future expiry date)? I would agree with him and anyone else who suspected an affair.

But there are many innocent and perfectly genuine reasons for pregnancy tests.

I once tested when I hadn't had sex in literally months and months and also had the implant in. There was no way I could have been pregnant, and yet I tested even though it was completely illogical, because my usually clockwork period was a week late. People are different - just because you wouldn't test doesn't mean she wouldn't.

DH had the snip years ago (and he got the all-clear on the post-snip checks). I've taken pregnancy tests since then; in fact there are pregnancy tests in my bathroom right now. Because once or twice I've been late and had "symptoms", and vasectomies do spontaneously reverse, and you only find out when you get knocked up by fucking a man with a vasectomy, so I got the tests to rule it out. I knew it was extremely unlikely, but much stranger things have happened, and that way you can put your mind to rest very quickly and get on with your life.

How can anyone compare ruddy condoms to pregnancy tests? That's like comparing breastfeeding in public to taking a piss

stobbit, it's weird.

@Chocbuttonsandredwine if it never even occurs to you to consider pregnancy as a cause if you are late, that's fairly irrational of you, given that female sterilisation fails significantly more often than male. Unless of course you are 55.

@Chocbuttonsandredwine 10 pages of women saying they tested even though getting pregnant would indicate a second coming or alien abduction, but you don't buy that as a logical reason for why she had a pregnancy test?

vasectomy predates us getting together but we have discussed on more than on occasion

Fair enough, OP; I think maybe the way you wrote it led some of us to think you'd discussed having the procedure with her, rather than the fact you'd had it, but thanks for clarifying

I totally get your angst about asking her for fear of what might come out, but it's surely got to be better than leaving it and worrying about something which may not have happened at all
Anyway good luck, and here's hoping nothing problematic's going on

The OP reads like they’re trying to equate finding a pregnancy test in a partner’s drawer with finding condoms in a partner’s drawer. It’s just not comparable.

Im glad other women here have admitted to doing pregnancy tests even when their partners have had vasectomies. I did once too. It was negative of course, and was a sign of impending menopause, but you never assume that, as a woman, you always consider pregnancy first.

Oh and I was party to all the discussions with dh when he was considering his options for vasectomy and I can categorically state that I have absolutely no idea what his procedure entailed or exactly how effective it was supposed to be. Even if I had known he had had his entire testes removed, I would still have considered pregnancy when my period failed to show. It isn't logical, it is just something women do.

OP i hope you can have the discussion with your wife and gain peace of mind. I think it is a bit daft that you aren't sure how to broach the subject with her. What sort of relationship do you have that you feel inhibited talking about anything?

No it doesn't. It just sounds like a man who's confused his wife has pregnancy tests when he can't get her pregnant and who doesn't understand why that might be.

And so posts on MN rather than asking her?

The same as all the women post on here rather than asking their husband what's going on.

TBF, the OP himself posted a couple of times this morning and a couple of times at lunchtime, taking feedback on board. He may not have seen his wife since posting first!

I actually found a pregnancy test kit in the kitchen cupboard where we keep all the paracetamol and players etc - really I didn't think anything - reason being we've been together a long time and communicate about everything - I never have a single doubt in my head about my wife over anything - I had the snip 20 years ago my kids are around 30 now and have loved independently since going to uni - I asked my wife straight away - where's this come from - it turns out over of my DD's had bought a couple of kits with her when she'd been home for a weekend (and left them in a drawer where my wife came across them) as she'd missed a period - I asked my DD next time I spoke to her and... it was all fine - once again - life is so much easier, uncomplicated and less stressful when people are upfront and honest and communicate - there is nothing me, my wife and kids can't talk about. One beautiful thing came or if this - my DD days to me that her friend had also had the same worry (about a missed period) and had said her dad would be furious is she was pregnant - my DD said my dad (me) wouldn't have had a problem with it - we would have worked out something - it made me feel very happy that she knew that. Of course, little is 100% certain in life - life is full of uncertainty and sh!t happens that's outside your control but @Dad2cats ask yourself - if you had to answer in 2s flat - and bet all your worldly possession on it - what would you say - did she or didn't she cheat? I'd say no every time - even though nothing is 100% though - that's life - get the facts and then decide how to react. Hopefully, there is no problem but you should know your situation better than anyone.

I’ve also been sterilized, and I’ve tested when I was late 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even though logically I knew I wasn’t, it was a peace of mind thing.

To be fair women have given him answers he never even considered so it'll help him believe his wife if this is a late period is what caused her to panic

I would ask her

Yep same here. Don't worry too much, speak to her!

I got pregnant when thought my husband has had a vasectomy. I didn’t want him to think I’d cheated, which I hadn’t! But I had pregnancy symptoms. I was right to test as I was in fact pregnant.

‘Even though’ not ‘when thought’

If you've been sterilised then that's even more of a reason to test! If you are pregnant theres a really high risk of it being ectopic if you are!

I'm surprised by the number of people who are happy to treat pregnancy as impossible because they or their partner are sterilised. Every contraceptive method has a failure rate. If you are a biological female between the ages of, say, 11 and 55, and you've had a penis inside you in the last nine months, you could be pregnant. The chances of that if one party is sterilised are low, ranging from "pretty unlikely" to "infitesimal", but they're never zero. In particular, female sterilisation is less reliable than male; the lifetime failure risk is about 0.5% vs 0.05% for vasectomy. (Approx: don't hurt me.)

OK, so I feel I owe you all an update.
Long and short of it was that a majority of posters on here were right, DP was feeling unwell, strange symptoms, started reading multiple MN horror stories about failed vasectomies and managed to wind herself up into a bit of a state about it (much as I did when I found the test TBH), took a test, test was negative, panic over, felt a little silly but better to be sure, no need to say anything.
So thanks MN for fuelling the "all vasectomies fail!!" fire 😉 but also for helping me see the other perspective that I hadn't been able to, it really helped.
Lastly, for the few that asked why I didn't "just ask her" in the first place... at the point of writhing the original post, I could only see one possible reason for the test and that scared me, I didn't want it to be true and certainly wasn't in the right frame of mind to ask. By coming here first I got insights I hadn't thought of (and TBH a number of responses that I was expecting) and most importantly hope, because once I appreciated better what was probably going through her head at the time, the more sense it made and the more I could understand from her perspective.
Anyway, thanks to you, I asked with an open (and hopeful) mind and it's now all good (apart from my own paranoia... now I need to get a fertility test for my own peace of mind!)

Excellent news, Dad2cats8, underlining that you did the right thing to ask ... I don't suppose you enjoyed doing it, but at least now you don't have to worry

pleased to hear it’s all been resolved OP