Found a pregnancy test....

[Dad2cats]

OK, so not sure what to do here. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 5. Last week I opened her bedside drawer looking for some antihistamines and at the back found a 2 pack of pregnancy tests, with one missing, assume used. I should also mention that I had a vasectomy over 15 years ago and whilst our sex life may not be the whirlwind it was when we were younger, we still average 1-2 times a week.
We don't have kids, none of her girlfriends live close by and whilst I keep telling myself there must be an innocent explanation, I'm really struggling to find one.
It's eating me up inside and whilst I know I should simply ask her, I'm worried that whatever she says will either "make it true" or I won't believe her and then it's "out" and I don't know how we come back from that.
I'm also thinking of the wider implications, we're in (what I thought was) a trusting relationship and so haven't used protection since shortly after we got together. Now all I can think is was this a one off? Is it a regular thing? Is she having regular unprotected sex with someone else? Doesn't that also put me at risk from STIs?
Not sure where to turn, can't really speak to friends or family, what do I do?

Vasectomies aren’t 100%
Condoms aren’t 100%
No contraception is 100%

would you jump to the conclusion of ‘affair’ if you were using condoms and she did a pregnancy test if her period was late?

I agree with PPs - it can be standard for women to take tests even when there is no chance of pregnancy. Last year my periods stopped for 3 months, my boobs hurt like mad and my nipples got huge, had cramping etc. Same symptoms I’ve had in each of my three pregnancies. I wasn’t having sex though, I didn’t have a partner at the time and hadn’t had sex all year. I still went out and bought a test.

Regarding raising it with her you treat it the same way you would raise anything else you had to talk to her about. “Hey DW, how come you have pregnancy tests in your drawer?” It’s not that hard.

It wasn't when my DH had his. What was explained is that they considered it permenant and irreversible and other screening analysis had been completed and come back fine then we didn't need to use additional protection to prevent pregnancy.

Just broach it honestly. Say you were looking for tablets and saw the pregnancy tests and ask if she's ok.

Op, you don't understand (and that's fair enough) what runs through many woman's mind when our period is late - ie "am I pregnant?". Even when that's nearly impossible.

My period was 14 days late a few months ago. I am 51 so this is normal and to be expected. I had not had unprotected sex with dh. It took nearly 5 years of regular unprotected, timed to ovulation sex to conceive our last child.

I took a pregnancy test (negative obviously). I didn't tell dh because why would I? - I knew it was a bit ridiculous to even take the test, that it would be a massive, massive shock if it was positive.

So your wife having a pack of pregnancy tests with one missing in a drawer doesn't ring any alarm bells with me at all.

My husband had a vasectomy years ago. I’ve tested several times when my period has been late as I need the reassurance. I don’t hide it - he’d find the tests if he went rummaging around in the bathroom - but I don’t think I’ve discussed it with him as it’s just a paranoid thing I do. Hopefully he won’t think I’m having an affair if he discovers the tests!

My friends husband has had the snip and she’s had pregnancy type symptoms once or twice so taken a test just to check as it is still possible to get pregnant although highly unlikely.

Do you have insecurities about the relationship or a tendency to overthink and overreact? I think the usual reaction would just be to ask her.

I am going through the menopause. My OH has had the snip.
I still thought I might be pregnant a few weeks ago, and if I hadn't had a period (first one in 11 months!) then I'd have taken a test.
It may well be completely innocent

My husband has a super sure vasectomy like you, and even I have tested when late. No cheating. Since your vasectomy was 15 years ago, is your wife at that age where her periods might be becoming a bit more unpredictable, making some late? I mean, I haven't tested for years but if I was late and had symptoms that reminded me of pregnancy, I'd be buying a test (and keeping the spare tucked away somewhere in case it happened again).

I have a Mirena coil & we used condoms. I still tested when I was late. I didn’t tell dh as he’d have thought I’d lost the plot.

If she was cheating she'd just pick up a test in town and take it in a public toilet - not keep it in a bedside drawer.

Full disclosure - I've taken a pregnancy test because the smell of bacon suddenly made me nauseous and my period was late. There was little chance I was pregnant, but the symptoms were there so I checked. 🤷🏻‍♀️

For God's sake. My DH has had the snip. I still take a pregnancy test occasionally if I'm late. Because for sake of £1 and a couple of minutes it eliminates any tiny niggles of doubt. It doesn't mean anything. No contraception is 100% and I'd rather just do the test then get on with my life.

My DH has had the same vasectomy as you. When perimenopause kicked in I still took a pregnancy test now and again when a period was very late. If it was an affair, she wouldn't leave evidence in your bedroom.

I would be honest and say I was looking for antihistamines saw the pregnancy tests, were you late on your period. Reassure her she can talk to you and you are aware vasectomies can sometimes fail. She’s didn’t need to go through that panic alone.

I had tested when my exh had a vasectomy, it's a very small chance but it's just to rule out the reason for a late period, she probably isn't pregnant and didn't want to worry you.

Tell her the truth

then come back and update us!!!

imagine if you were having a baby what a lovely surprise

Honestly OP, having had it medically explained to her as 'impossible' will not have been enough to 100% reassure your DW that pregnancy is out of the question if she's had a late period/other symptoms. Other PP's have given examples of how strong 'pregnancy paranoia' can be, even when it genuinely is impossible.

Pregnancy (or the prospect of it) really is completely different for men and women and you really need to look at this through a woman's eyes to understand why your DW might have taken that test. Fortunately that perspective is exactly what you've been given on this thread, now you just have to choose to see it (and speak to your DW with that in mind) rather than jump to the worst conclusion.

I get what you're saying OP but periods are a very strange thing. I have in the past done pregnancy tests for reassurance when I have had abnormal periods, even when I'm pretty sure I can't be pregnant.

Or, your DW is having an affair.

I think you're going to have to ask her.

Does she have adult/older teen kids? Maybe one of them needed a test?

What's the expiry date on the tests? They may have been there for years.

I’ve only told any of my partners when a pregnancy test is positive. Until that point there’s nothing to discuss / worry about / get excited.

im Another who wouldn’t leave it in the drawer if I had been cheating. My guess is she’s late and wanted to check.

I also think you're overthinking. I always have pregnancy tests lying around! I've been single and not had sex for a year and had pregnancy style symptoms so I've taken a test just to check immaculate conception hasn't occured 😂. I've also had to take pregnancy tests before medical appointments. I was in hospital with appendicitis and it almost ruptured while they waited around because the (male) doctor insisted it 'must be' an ectopic pregnancy (despite this once again being an immaculate conception situation). Vasectomy can fail, and I'd take a test if I had symptoms in case. Especially if i was dead set on not wanting children, abortions (though always traumatic!) become even more traumatic the further along you are.

Just ask her. I was looking for something and I found a pregnancy test is everything okay?

I was married for 15 years to a man who had the snip and took pregnancy test often when my period was late or I felt different.
Even now with my current DH when I was on the pill I still took the occasional test when things weren't as regular as normal. You can still get pregnant after the snip and taking a test is a good way to rule out pregnancy if things aren't as they usually are.

I take tests when my cycle is off.

I wouldn't read into it too much