Found a pregnancy test....

[Dad2cats]

OK, so not sure what to do here. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 5. Last week I opened her bedside drawer looking for some antihistamines and at the back found a 2 pack of pregnancy tests, with one missing, assume used. I should also mention that I had a vasectomy over 15 years ago and whilst our sex life may not be the whirlwind it was when we were younger, we still average 1-2 times a week.
We don't have kids, none of her girlfriends live close by and whilst I keep telling myself there must be an innocent explanation, I'm really struggling to find one.
It's eating me up inside and whilst I know I should simply ask her, I'm worried that whatever she says will either "make it true" or I won't believe her and then it's "out" and I don't know how we come back from that.
I'm also thinking of the wider implications, we're in (what I thought was) a trusting relationship and so haven't used protection since shortly after we got together. Now all I can think is was this a one off? Is it a regular thing? Is she having regular unprotected sex with someone else? Doesn't that also put me at risk from STIs?
Not sure where to turn, can't really speak to friends or family, what do I do?

Omg the shoe would be on the other foot if this was a guy.

You are going to have to ask her.

So, elsewhere we have a thread where posters are falling over themselves to say how untrustworthy men are, and how they’ll all cheat given the opportunities.

Now we have a thread where the man has been sterilised and the woman is taking a pregnancy test, and how dare the man think the woman is having an affair, because sterilisation isn’t actually reliable, which begs the question as to why women insist that their husbands do it.

No. Vasectomies are not that unreliable. And the kind that the OP has had is pretty much fail-safe.

So although technically she could have taken a pregnancy test due to paranoia, it’s just as likely that she’s had an affair.

And if the test is positive, it is far more key that she has had an affair than that her husband’s vasectomy has failed.

But I’m sure that women would be clammering to tell the OP what a selfish arsehole he was for being suspicious if his wife announced she was pregnant and insisted that it was his despite the likelihood being tiny.

And for the posters saying that they wouldn’t leave a pregnancy test in the house, well, it seems that all you have to do is to tell your husband it’s his fault because his vasectomy has clearly reversed, and he’s supposed to believe you without doubt.

The hormones that a woman has immediately prior to a period can cause ‘pregnancy’ symptoms eg nausea, tender breasts, bloating. You only have to look at the conception boards on Mumsnet to see lots of women who are trying to conceive get their hopes up because ‘that month’ they’ve felt as if they can be pregnant but then their period arrives. So it is reasonable to assume your wife felt a bit weird and wondered if the vasectomy had reversed and worried about being pregnant.

I also agree that if she was conducting an affair she is unlikely to do the test at home and even less likely to keep the spare test in the packet in her bedroom drawer.

I think if you ask her she should be able to put your mind at rest

Do you not know when she is menstruating? I mean if you are in a relationship would you not be aware. It's not exactly something I ever hid from my DH. ' Not tonight darling, I've got period pains'.

I agree with the posters, it's a big leap to suspect an affair!

I have done this myself! My partner had a vasectomy 15 years ago, but one day my period was late and I felt...different. Like pregnancy symptoms - sore breasts, feeling sick in the morning, . I took a test just to rule it out, I hadn't said anything because I felt slightly silly but I know that vasectomys arent always 100%. It was a negative test, and I never told my partner.

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Unwanted pregnancies are a lot of things, but rarely (if ever) ‘lovely’.

OP- I’m sterilized but I’ve still taken a pregnancy test for peace of mind. Even if it’s unlikely it can still happen, it’s better to catch it early than assume it can’t.

I've done pregnancy test on the pill because my period was late. No one wants to ignore it and suddenly you could 3-4 months it's better to know early especially if you don't want to be pregnant.

How's that work then?

Honestly any women of child bearing age (especially one who doesn't have children and doesn't wish to have them) would prefer to take a pregnancy test than take the risk of an unknown pregnancy progressing.

As a women you're also advised to take pregnancy tests even if your partner has had a vasectomy. The doctor I saw the other week advised I take one despite my DH having his done years ago. It's safer to rule it out.

I'd just mention to your wife that you found them and ask if she's ok. Jumping to conclusions about cheating seems extreme unless you already have concerns about your relationship.

There have been times when I was extremely sure that I wasn't pregnant.

Example from a few years ago:
Last time I had vaginal intercourse (whilst using birth control) was before my last previous period.

But when my next period was 2 days late? I was suddenly unsure.

Maaaybe the last period was just an implantation bleed (even though I had a strong, regular period).

And maaaybe we also had a contraception failure (which we had never had before).

So I peed on that stick. And I was not pregnant.

If she’s late on her period for any number of reasons…. If you contact the GP, the first thing they will ask is if you’ve done a pregnancy test. She could be confirming menopause or simply confirming she’s not pregnant so she can go to the doctor about an issue. It doesn’t have to be a pregnancy scare to warrant a test. Women are used to being asked this by doctors even if you’re going with a broken arm so we tend to plan ahead for the inevitable questions.

If my period was late and he has vastecomy and I'm still childbearing age I would still do one! I don't want anymore DC aborting at 12-16 weeks would be more traumatic and painful than 5 weeks.

This!

Good grief, I do a pregnancy test if my period is even a day or so late, just to rule it out. Often, seeing the negative result is enough to put me at ease and my period presents itself shortly after.

Men who have irreversible vasectomies wouldn't find a baby to be a 'lovely surprise'.

It's this simple.

Just ask her and see what she says.

Ask her, but there is a great chance her period might have been late. Whenever mine was late, I couldn't relax and wait for it, because I thought I was pregnant! Once you know you're not, it just comes.

Wtf?

imagine if you were having a baby what a lovely surprise. Wtf? An unwanted pregnancy where the man has had a vasectomy is most definitely not a lovely surprise. What a bizarre notion.

My DP has had a vasectomy, and if on the off chance I found out I was pregnant it would most certainly not be a lovely surprise in fact I’d be off to the abortion clinic for the next available appointment. Sorry if that doesn’t fit with the fluffy “babies are so lovely, a blessing, never regretted” sentiment which seems to exist on here sometimes.

It is very unlikely that vasectomy would fail, however it is still the first thing to check if period late. Either wife paranoid some sort of accident with vasectomy or just ruling it out as first thing Dr would check anyway.

Definitely wouldn't suspect cheating if lying in drawer at home.

Maybe she is desperate to be pregnant. After something awful happened to me I became obsessed about getting pregnant, convincing myself every twinge was a sign even though it would have been impossible to be pregnant. I bought a few tests to shake me back to reality

You're not married to @Dad2cats by any chance are you? 😂

What’s the expiry date on the tests, they could have been there years.

As many others have said though, a late period for a woman of child bearing age will often mean she takes a pregnancy test, even if the chances of it being positive are slim.

Why was your first thought an affair?

I got fitted for a coil a few months ago and one of the requirements was I take a pregnancy test before the fitting even though the coil was not for contraception purposes and I hadn't had sex in several months. It could be something like that?