Would you have set this boundary?

[GeekyGirl42]

I’ve recently got with someone who sometimes age regresses. When this happens, they make lots of childish noises and speak with a childish voice and use baby speak. I don’t wish to change this, however, when I’m tired or first thing in the morning (and also before my ADHD meds kick in) this can be overstimulating for me and I end up finding it hard to behave reasonably because I’m feeling really irritated. Otherwise I just ignore the behaviour and carry on interacting with them as an adult (but avoiding anything sexual).

I’ve explained how this, in terms of my limitation being that I can get irritable when this is happening first thing in the morning and when I’m tired in the evening. I’ve asked whether we could find a way to redirect this behaviour without it making them feel rejected.

They’ve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting, and we’ve decided to think about it more and talk again at the weekend. Would you say I’ve been unreasonable here? Have you had any experience of this?

My first thought on reading your post is that I am happy I don’t need to deal with your generation’s dating complications - with pronouns, obligatory acceptance of quirks and whims, etc.
So what I’ll say will not be woke.

Dating needs to be pleasurable for all involved. You don’t need to be accepting of things that don’t make you happy.

In fact - women had been accepting things that didn’t work for them for way too long in humanity’s history.

Is this voluntary age regressing? Or involuntary?

I would find this extremely irritating any time of day. You get to decide how much you're willing to deal with this.

It would give me the ick. I only date grown adults

@WeWereInParis I’ve not had a straight answer to that. I wonder if it’s both - starts involuntary and then because it feels good they do it more. They claim it’s part of their identity and they are a mental health professional. I assume this doesn’t come out at work!

Your boundary is perfectly reasonable. If your partner is pushing back against it, that’s a large red flag.

@LadyLolaRuben that phrase runs through my head too. I think it has done.

Im a mental health professional and honestly, this sounds all kinds of weird on so many levels...

He's a mental health professional?

"It appears the lunatics are running the asylum" comes to mind.

This goes through me. I can be guilty of acting childishly but I stop as soon as I realise I'm doing it. If it's part of their personality and they aren't willing to change it sounds like you are not compatible.

And I say that as a person who has a psychiatrist appointment weekly, I put my recovery and future ability to function normally in their hands when I'm following their guidance and plan. I would be utterly dismayed to find out they behaved like this behind closed doors.

Babyspeak is ‘part of his identity’? Ugh.

You need to massively raise your standards. Send this mental health "professional" packing. They sound absolutely insufferable.

This would give me the complete ick

Agreed. The whole universe of ick. There would be no coming back from this.

Trying so hard the shake the ick I got just reading that.

no. Nope. No way.

maybe they think partners find it ‘endearing’?

I’d honestly run a mile.

and I think if I was them I’d be seeking some kind of support or mechanism/tactics to deal with this. Surely if they manage to restrain themselves in the professional environment then they can find away to stop outside of it.

please tell me they don’t try being romantic or sexual whilst doing ‘the voice’.

It doesn't matter why the person is doing it, if it gives you the ick, then get rid. Not many people would be able to tolerate an adult regularly speaking in a baby voice and babbling, tbh.
I'd also worry that it was a way of gradually introducing some kind of really unpleasant fetish into the relationship 🤮

@TheCatterall absolutely not!! That would be yuck and also this is vulnerable thing, so would be deeply inappropriate.

Eww. How odd. As the poster above alluded to, he’ll be asking you to change his adult baby nappy next. 🤮

That’s a common misconception about age regression. It’s a self soothing strategy that can be voluntary or involuntary. Involuntary age regression is a sign that someone needs to do some work! It absolutely isn’t at all sexual.

I consider myself as far left and 'woke' as you can possibly be, but my gosh this would give me the ick to end all icks.

Why are you so desperate to make excuses for this?

You are extremely accommodating! I would find this so off-putting. But you've told them you're not happy and that you want to talk it through - hopefully it will be productive but if they can't accept it, I would see the relationship as unworkable, personally.

I feel sick just reading your post. He’d be dumped so effing fast. Yuck

Involuntary age regression would suggest a fucked up childhood of some kind and a serious mental health disorder.

The fact they claim it's 'part of their identity' suggests they are choosing to do it on purpose for whatever reason, which is even more surprising considering they are a mental health professional.
Part of the new 'identity' trend of people claiming they have multiple personalities or one of the other dissociative disorders.

Could also be a sexual fetish.

It would actually make me question their professional capacity and wonder what shite they are pushing on their clients/patients.