Would you have set this boundary?

[GeekyGirl42]

I’ve recently got with someone who sometimes age regresses. When this happens, they make lots of childish noises and speak with a childish voice and use baby speak. I don’t wish to change this, however, when I’m tired or first thing in the morning (and also before my ADHD meds kick in) this can be overstimulating for me and I end up finding it hard to behave reasonably because I’m feeling really irritated. Otherwise I just ignore the behaviour and carry on interacting with them as an adult (but avoiding anything sexual).

I’ve explained how this, in terms of my limitation being that I can get irritable when this is happening first thing in the morning and when I’m tired in the evening. I’ve asked whether we could find a way to redirect this behaviour without it making them feel rejected.

They’ve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting, and we’ve decided to think about it more and talk again at the weekend. Would you say I’ve been unreasonable here? Have you had any experience of this?

Tell him you identify as Dot Cotton sometimes and quote this:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corianthians 13:11

Involuntary age regression is a symptom of severe MH disorders - and this person won’t be a practicing MH professional with those disorders.
So - it a voluntary, soothing activity they choose to engage in.
They certainly don’t break into baby speak with their colleagues and/or patients.

They can be whatever they want to be, of course. But they can’t demand acceptance of a quirk from a girlfriend if this is not something that works for you in a relationship.
Its really simple.

For fucks sake.

Adults have control over their behaviours, if they don't there's something wrong.

Unless this person is actually dissociating, or there's actual mental impairment, there's no such thing as "involuntary age regression".

It sounds like you actually do wish to change this, because it irritates you, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing to do with ADHD or anything else. There's nothing wrong with asking a romantic partner to stop an irritating behaviour, whether it's baby talk (ICK!) or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. They can then choose to change the behaviour, or not, and you get to decide if it's a dealbreaker.

Funny how they are disappointed you can't be more accepting, but there's no acceptance of your limitations.

I would get the ick so badly I wouldn't have a single romantic or sexual feeling towards them again.

I would be utterly unable to be sexually attracted to someone who feels the need to act as a baby regularly. I couldn't care less that he was "expressing his individuality". I have the right to choose whose individuality I spend my time with. His individuality can fuck off and keep talking like a baby to his mum if she still puts up with it.

Sounds irritating as fuck. LTB (leave the baby).

Would I set this boundary? I'd move to Australia to get away from this weirdo.

No, none of this is OK. If this is real, get rid, change your phone number, do some self reflection.

Sorry if this sounds blunt but you sound like you've adopted the language of therapy to an extreme degree. In plain speech your fella talking like a baby in the morning and evening when you're knackered is irritating and you want him to stop. He's upset that you can't tolerate it. Let him be upset. The alternative is that you pretend you're fine with it when you're not. Most other people would find it intolerable and irritating, if this is how he wants to express himself- fine - that doesn't mean other people have to be ok with it.

How on earth, can he ensure he can practice as a responsible mental health nurse amongst other Adults whithout unconsciously or consciously regressive behaviour of Baby speak then?

this obviously suggests really strongly this is a deeply embedded quirk that he when he feels comfortable will show this aspect of themselves,

I think most grown up women, could not tolerate this kind of behaviour @GeekyGirl42

It's really Weird...

How can you even or anybody in a supposed to be grown up relantship of equals even consirder let alone want to be either romantic or sexual with someone with this type of persona quirk, !

It's really giving me such a ick reaction on so many levels...🤢

I wonder cause he sounds sound so infantile, whether this is just the start of it..like a gateway to other stuff that is incredibly off scale infantile too,
You have been warned be wary🤮

Is it going to lead you sooner or later to for, e.g to having to pretend to dress up Psudeo sexual, to be a Health care professional senerio of Health visitor ect too !?
Grown up men dressed as overgrown toddlers or babies type of thing...

I dated a man who did this, but not as regularly as yours seems to be. He had been sexually and emotionally abused by his mother. She had severe mental health issues herself, and my ex’s partner had chosen to remain with her and protect her at the expense of any kind of protection for his children. Despite my ex being a genuinely lovely person, I wasn’t able to continue in the relationship with him. There were many other issues as well, as you can imagine.

Despite him genuinely being one of the most interesting, thoughtful and funny people I have ever met, my recommendation to you is to get out as swiftly as possible.

Sorry, that should have been “my ex’s father had chosen…”

Ick, no, for whatever reason he is doing this I couldn’t be doing with it. Unless he agreed to therapy or something with a view to actively stopping it.

you don’t have to put up with it either if you don’t want to. You’ve used the word yourself - where is your boundary of what is acceptable to you?

doesn’t sound like he is accepting that - voluntarily or not

I find it worrying that you talk of your "limitations" as if they are a bad thing you need to get over rather than your "limits" which suggests setting healthy boundaries. Set your limits. It's fine not to accommodate a fetish you don't share. He can "express his disappointment" all he likes. Somewhere else.

Very similar situation. It is sad but not my responsibility to fix

Funny enough I have a friend who I am trying to ditch as a friend,
Cause she is real hard work and she is on controlling side to certain extant who is hyper extremely ultra senistive she often misunderstoods stuff you say to her, and becomes defensive no amount of beign innocent what you say,

And yet she is extremely blunt straight to the point, rants at you people speaking thinks this is normal way of communication, often too,

Well she occasionally or sometimes regressive into baby talk to random strangers for e.g walking on the beach she starts babbling something like to a random stranger woman walking her 🐕,

"baby voice Maaam me, ect

What the fuck 😳,!

I think just talking to her you can tell she is extremely fucked up ,emotionally,

My advice @GeekyGirl42

Ditch the baby voice man freak guy you currently with ..he sounds seriously fucked up..

and date a grown up male voice instead...who treats you as a equal...

I’m afraid I wouldn’t be accepting of that in a relationship at all.

if you are in a relationship you need to be equals and you need to be able to communicate. My partner wanting to “age regress” would be incompatible with me taking seriously that they wanted an equal partnership.

It may have a name that chucks it under the identity umbrella but it’s sounds in some ways like tying to control when you get to opt out of being an adult.

if nothings else, the dismissing of your boundary setting would be an immediate warning sign that this isn’t a person to host h your cart to.

That's what he told you, right?

I wouldn't be able to stand it. If it's part of his identity, then you have every right to say that you can't continue the relationship, as having this child as part of your life doesn't work for you.

Cross dressing I could probably live with. A partner that talks and acts like a baby, nope. I would always be wondering where it might end.

Just listen to your gut ffs.
Instinct is there for a reason.

Of course it's completely voluntary, otherwise it would definitely come out at work/in public. I couldn't be in the same room as an adult who chooses to babble like a baby.

This reads like you are parroting what he said.

@eurochick
I totally agree with you and other poster , it really does...!

Is he really a MH professional? Or is he one of those who has built up his understanding of MH conditions from tiktok?

even the term “part of his identity makes my skin crawl.

With my ex, it happened when he felt particularly vulnerable. I think perhaps his mother had been so very cruel, perhaps it had started as a way to desperately try to elicit a mothering response from her? There was definitely something about trying to place me in a mothering role (with the added poignancy that no one had ever been there in that role for him) and no, it did not bode well for a healthy sex life. There was never any suggestion of anything sexual, rather this way of acting stripped the relationship of any sexual attraction, in either direction.

Of course it’s not “involuntary “

Do they do it at work?

My 10 year old niece used to do this. I can't begin to describe how much I hated it. But she was 10.

I'd walk away from this relationship pdq