Would you have set this boundary?

[GeekyGirl42]

I’ve recently got with someone who sometimes age regresses. When this happens, they make lots of childish noises and speak with a childish voice and use baby speak. I don’t wish to change this, however, when I’m tired or first thing in the morning (and also before my ADHD meds kick in) this can be overstimulating for me and I end up finding it hard to behave reasonably because I’m feeling really irritated. Otherwise I just ignore the behaviour and carry on interacting with them as an adult (but avoiding anything sexual).

I’ve explained how this, in terms of my limitation being that I can get irritable when this is happening first thing in the morning and when I’m tired in the evening. I’ve asked whether we could find a way to redirect this behaviour without it making them feel rejected.

They’ve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting, and we’ve decided to think about it more and talk again at the weekend. Would you say I’ve been unreasonable here? Have you had any experience of this?

I have seen this behaviour in women many times: the baby voice, the mangled words. This seemed to appeal to some men. Never come across it the other way around. I find both horrible.

I’m quite sure the baby talk is done by a woman, not sure why so many responded assuming it’s a bloke.

When I was being abused by a partner, as it escalated, I increasing seemed to age-regress

I became an almost silent, shy & v v vulnerable shell of myself

it was a combination of almost reverting to my childhood (another time of abuse) & a sort of coping mechanism to avoid conflict/abuse (please don’t hurt me, I’m already vulnerable)

but I did manage to get away both from the abuser and from that unhealthy regression because I know the entire thing (relationship & response to abuse) was totally fucked up

and I’m not even a mental health professional

not saying you are abusive OP just that if it’s a mal-adaptive coping mechanism it can (& should) be addressed by the person themselves

not addressing it is a choice

Probably because the baby fetish is usually a bloke thing. You’re right though, it could be a woman. The whole they thing is v tedious.

Weve decided to think more and talk more about it at the weekend

Great, a weekend spent listening to this person’s self indulgent navel gazing about their “identity”

Youve just got together, surely you should be out having fun, meeting friends, having a laugh, and great sex.
Not desperately trying to ignore them every morning and spending your Saturdays listening to their emotional wanking?

Is this person even going to be able to discuss this in an adult way with you? Using their big words? Or will they involuntarily start babbling “Me like being ickle”

Im just cringing so hard for you 😩

I find it hard to not smirk when people try so hard to be mature and respectful about "discussing their boundaries and relationship" but what they mean by that is talking about someone's identity as an f-ing adult baby and getting off on their own baby talk

How do you even keep a straight face while talking to someone who choses to be this ridiculous? As someone has mentioned - age regression is a genuine mental health condition, but most people try to STOP having these symptoms, not throw a tantrum when others don't indulge them. If they enjoy it then it's not a condition but a kink.

50p down on the table that this baby-voice progresses to more than just a "coping" mechanism.

We've decided to think more and talk more about it at the weekend

I wonder how far you'll get before it turns into "goo-goo gah-gah"?!

No involuntary age regression to me would be a form of delusion. One that needs major psychiatric help. Maybe even psychosis.

Voluntary aka pretending could be a safety thing. But it's still strange and not for me. Makes me worry they were abused as a child and I'd want them to be working on why they need to do it and why I had to be involved.

But if he doesn't without meaning to he is, quite literally, not in control of his faculties.

Yes!

Because probably 95% of the users are women and 90% of those are straight.
Most people assume OPs are straight women.

How exactly would my comment change if the partner was a woman? Any adult behaving like a baby would put me off massively if they were to be my sexual partner.

Thank you - that’s why I didn’t correct anyone assuming their gender is male.

Well said.

Their sex is male.

They've expessed disappointment that I couldn't be more accepting

And how accepting are they of your feelings on the matter? Or are you the one who is expected to make all the compromises?

@SirChenjins

How do you know? I took it from the op that partner may have been a woman. Not that it matters as pp have said adults acting like babies is just cringeworthy.

I had an ex years ago who put quite a lot of weight on and he had to put some cream around the top of his thighs to stop chafing and he did this kind of weird baby waa waa thing like he was getting his nappy done I was just like WTF instantly went off him

She's saying sex is not the same as gender.

There is no male gender.

Exactly that.

I'm confused, sex and gender are the same thing?

Your gender is the same as your biological sex but we're going off topic here

I'm sorry but this person sounds like an absolute freak.

This is not something I could deal with at all. I would find it irritating as f**k.

In healthcare reporting, sex is generally considered to be biological characteristics and gender is social identity. These are not necessarily the same, and should not be confused when reporting on research that could be affected by sex. This is what the Lancet author guidelines say, for example.