Would you have set this boundary?

[GeekyGirl42]

I’ve recently got with someone who sometimes age regresses. When this happens, they make lots of childish noises and speak with a childish voice and use baby speak. I don’t wish to change this, however, when I’m tired or first thing in the morning (and also before my ADHD meds kick in) this can be overstimulating for me and I end up finding it hard to behave reasonably because I’m feeling really irritated. Otherwise I just ignore the behaviour and carry on interacting with them as an adult (but avoiding anything sexual).

I’ve explained how this, in terms of my limitation being that I can get irritable when this is happening first thing in the morning and when I’m tired in the evening. I’ve asked whether we could find a way to redirect this behaviour without it making them feel rejected.

They’ve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting, and we’ve decided to think about it more and talk again at the weekend. Would you say I’ve been unreasonable here? Have you had any experience of this?

@Nellodee

I was just thinking did you just become friends instead of lovers, your former partner then?

As he seems like what you said a genuinely lovely guy, with extremely misfortune to have had a extremely Over scale screwed up shitty childhood,
I feel sorry for him,

Do you know if he has had extensive therapy or starting to heal invisible extreme Psychological wounds of his extremely traumatic childhood then?

@GeekyGirl42

I am just wondering could you just become plantonic friends instead then?

Do you think that could work for you or both of you?
or
Would it be too much for you or him to cope with either unfortunately too?
Just wondering curious really...

@Bearonthestair
🤣
" would to Australia 🇦🇺 to get away from this werido" L.o.l ,!

Oops typo mistake,

@Bearonthestair
"I would move to Australia 🇦🇺 to get away from weirdo " ...L.o.l !

Same here.

Tbh, I'd walk if someone justified anything 'unpalatable' as being part of their 'identity'.

Personality is one thing but identity to me always sounds like it's something they've chosen and, whilst it seems acceptable to dislike parts of someone's personality, identity seems to be considered sacred and something that should never be challenged.

Eg, I can be a bit lazy. That's my personality. I recognise its not great and do my best to counter it. But if I started calling it part of my identity, I would he allowed to embrace it and make no effort at all to consider it's impact on others around me.

Unfortunately, we’re no longer in contact. We both loved each other very much and it was incredibly difficult to part ways. When we first split, we had every intention of remaining best friends, but when I met my husband, I realised it was entirely unfair to try to have a relationship with him whilst maintaining the intensity of emotional connection I had with baby talk man. It was a big mess and I walked away, pretty much from everyone I knew in that group. I hope he is doing well.

Tbh, I'd walk if someone justified anything 'unpalatable' as being part of their 'identity'.

Or anything at all actually!

But you say in your initial post that you 'avoid anything sexual'?
He'd be out of my bed so fucking quick.

Can't believe this is something else we are supposed to tolerate in relationships these days.

I briefly dated a man who started speaking baby talk on our first and last night in bed.

gotta say. I’ve never moved so fast in my life.I was dressed and out of their in seconds.

When I asked him about it the next day he said he liked talking like a baby in the bedroom.
I felt like a pedo. I haven’t dated since.
i still feel dirty and eww a year on.

He’s a fetishising weirdo. Dump him. And don’t caveat your complaints with ADHD meds - anybody would find it icky

This gives me the ick just reading it. If this was me I would find this irritating AF at best, and creepy at worst, and would run a mile and I think you should too. shudder

You find it irritating because it is irritating. Listen to your own feelings. They are valid.
Don't feel pressured to accept this kind of thing. "Disappointed" my arse - manipulative behaviour.

Far too much hard work imo. You don't need to explain. You don't like the behaviour. That's absolutely valid. Listen to yourself.

I’m going to guess that your partner has ‘identity’ up the wazoo. ‘They age regress’.

If they had an abusive childhood and this is a dysfunctional trauma response, they need to get help. But they’re insisting that it’s their ‘identity’ because presumably that makes it unchallengeable. And turns you into the villain for objecting.

Read the section on Mr Sensitive Lundy Bancroft’s Why does he do that? It may be enlightening for you and help you to reframe what your partner is doing.

You know they don’t do this at work. Or in front of people they haven’t paychobabbled into submission. Yet they do it to you, and show no care for your neurodevelopmental disorder. You’re even having to avoid sex while they pretend to be a baby (but have been brainwashed into believing it’s not sexual). Babies don’t try to have sex with people, so if they are trying to initiate sex while ‘age regressing’ it is obviously a fetish.

Fuck 21st century identity politics. I should never have to use phrases like ‘babies don’t try to have sex with people’.

All this be kind BS means is that women have to put up with more and more extreme behaviour from men.

Dump him and tell him why and if he gets offended tell him you are glad he is offended he can then spend some time giving himself some therapeutic advice. I assume he has told you it’s self soothing.

I crave times past when most people kept weird shit in their own head.

I watched a good TV programme with Ruby Wax alone on a deserted island. At the end of the ten days she recognised that all her life she had put on a fake voice which she hid behind and said she was going to stop doing it. OP send your friend to a deserted island (while you run in the opposite direction)

I would get the ick. Tell them you understand this is part of their identity and it is real fir them. Therefore you struggle to continue the relationship as you are not a paedofile.

Theyve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting

Did he spit his dummy out and lie on the floor thrashing his arms and legs about shouting “Not fair”

Look you’ve only just met him and his “identity” is irritating the Hell out of you.

You can feel sympathetic but it doesn’t change the fact that you hate waking up next to a man that babbles and cries for num nums

He or she expressing disappointment at your lack of acceptance is a huge sign they don't respect you putting boundaries in place, that alone would have me ending a relationship, especially if they say they work in MH, that's quite concerning tbh.

Funny way for a grown woman to behave

Gosh

reminds me of a mental health professional I met in FEELD who had the most strong kinks

I can’t imagine many people would be comfortable with this tbh

its crosses some scary boundaries

Remeber we don’t have to date people
we don’t want to
its as simple as that x

A straightforward "you talking like a baby makes me feel like a paedophile" should do it.

If they can't understand that, they lack the empathy to be a decent MH worker and they certainly can't be a proper partner.

This.

Although I'm not sure the person in question is a bloke given the deliberately genderless language used.

Also 🤮. My fanny would have sealed itself shut never to reopen at the first instance of this pathetic behaviour.

You’ve recently got with them? I would in no way be tolerating this - I didn’t even realise it was a thing and I feel nauseous at the thought of anybody reverting to talking like a baby.

Seriously OP, I would cut your losses and move on, not least because he seems to want you to be totally OK with it when it’s actually quite grim 😬😬

This!