Would you have set this boundary?

[GeekyGirl42]

I’ve recently got with someone who sometimes age regresses. When this happens, they make lots of childish noises and speak with a childish voice and use baby speak. I don’t wish to change this, however, when I’m tired or first thing in the morning (and also before my ADHD meds kick in) this can be overstimulating for me and I end up finding it hard to behave reasonably because I’m feeling really irritated. Otherwise I just ignore the behaviour and carry on interacting with them as an adult (but avoiding anything sexual).

I’ve explained how this, in terms of my limitation being that I can get irritable when this is happening first thing in the morning and when I’m tired in the evening. I’ve asked whether we could find a way to redirect this behaviour without it making them feel rejected.

They’ve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting, and we’ve decided to think about it more and talk again at the weekend. Would you say I’ve been unreasonable here? Have you had any experience of this?

I couldn’t tolerate that at all. Self soothing? Absolute BS.

it alarms me how often this kind of infantilising language is used to describe adult behaviour.

Maybe that’s why the tik tok generation are so desperate to normalise this stuff and pretend that it’s ‘identity’, rather than maladaptive coping behaviour (for which the answer is proper mental health support, not weaponising mental
health speak) or fetish (for which the answer is to keep it up yourself unless within a consenting situation).

I think each generation has it's maladaptive coping mechanism. Before it was good 'ol functional alcoholism, then it was addiction to prescription medication and now it's normalising acting like a damned baby and demanding people accommodate it

Here’s a summary of Mr Sensitive. It can apply whatever gender identity they have adopted.

They have shown you that your feelings - and your neurodevelopmental
condition - don’t matter. Because it’s all about their feelings.

When that happens: run. This is how they are in the easy, early part of the relationship.

I suspect that the face of domestic abuse in younger generations may skew disproportionately to this kind of crap.

@SquidwardBound

What book / text are those extracts from? I'd be very interested to read through the full thing

Personally I would choose not to deal with this.

That's spot on @SquidwardBound
Let’s cut the shit and see this for what it is.

Weaponising mental health labels

This self indulgent kink is being forced upon you under the guise of mental health.

You don’t need to tip toe around it for fear of being accused of prejudice/ being “judgemental”.
You find it irritating and unattractive and it’s making you uncomfortable: own it.

Exactly. If they can control it at work presumably they can control it around their partner especially at a requested time of day.

It absolutely can be. There's a bunch of kinky shit out there revolving around age regression.

Doesn't mean it's the case here, but it certainly exists. Your boundary is of course fine.

Lundy Bancroft Why Does He Do That?

Thank you so much, I think I've heard of that one, il download it now

WTAF?!? Why on earth would you put up with this? I am being very direct but this is not within the bandwidth of normal behaviour.

Run for the hills OP, and don’t look back. He’s a creepy fucker who’s feeding you a pile of MH bullshit and invalidating your perfectly justifiable concerns about his kink - it’s classic emotional abuse, but unfortunately many women have been conditioned to bend over backwards to accommodate pathetic men because #bekind.

Consign him to the dustbin of useless boyfriends and find yourself a much better one who doesn’t play at being a baby <vom>.

If you just recently started dating this person, why on earth would you put up with this? You are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase where anything and everything they do feels amazing. Honestly, I just don't get it. There is no need to compromise at the start of a relationship. You owe owe nothing. As my dad once said (I am paraphrasing), "if thi gs aren't all lovely and golden at the beginning when life is easy how on earth will the relationship survive when things get tough down the line?"

This is weird. I don't understand it. Do they just suddenly break out into a baby voice?
I hate baby talk unless it's directed to a baby and this would totally freak me out.
Run for hills is my suggestion

This is not a "regression" - it's a kink. And one he has full control over. You'd be insane to actually play into this with him. Tik Tok and social media has a lot to answer for.

What is read in your OP is
it’s my way or the highway

Seriously, you have a very specific diagnosed condition. You are taking ownership of that condition, incl seeking treatment/help and reducing the impact on people around you (like I know I more irritable before my meds, walking away etc…). You also are very clear on your needs. And you are being accommodating about their needs too.

On the other side, you have someone who says it’s them blablabla but has no diagnosis. They don’t try to make it easier for the people they with (you!!). But they expect you to accept their behaviour all the time, just like it is and Wo taking any of your issues and boundaries into account.
Where is the ‘being more accepting of your ND’ exactly? You know him actually making an effort for you because of your needs…

And thats the issue (apart from the fact that the baby behaviour is creepy and would have given the ick a very long time ago). He doesn’t care about your needs. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t respect you and your own struggles. He only cares about himself.
If he is still refusing the make concessions for you and is still playing the guilt card (Because that’s what the ‘being more accepting of his quirks’ is), then he is showing who he is. And that’s not a nice man.

Maybe doesn’t identify as either. You know : ‘non binary’.

Actually that would make a lot of sense, since babies are ( as far as we know) not blessed with a sense of innate gender. That comes at about two, according to 🧜, though I expect they are working on it.

Mr sensitive here on second post

They’ve expressed disappointment that I couldn’t be more accepting, and we’ve decided to think about it more and talk again at the weekend. Would you say I’ve been unreasonable here? Have you had any experience of this?

It's very noticeable that it's your partner who expects you to do all the accepting, yet she can't accept your reaction to this or, it would appear, the effects of your ADHD. As pp have said, this must be voluntary given her occupation, and something she does because she enjoys it, not because she needs to do it. Fine if she wants to continue, but you don't have to be on the other end of it.

If we are going to guess, given the careful of ‘they’ throughout the OP’s posts, combined with not challenging all the ‘he’s’ on this thread… Odds are it’s a male adult with lots of ‘identity’ that everyone needs to tiptoe around.

But then a dummy and stick it in their mouth next time they ‘age regress’. Then walk away and find someone who isn’t such bloody hard work.

buy them a dummy that should say.

TikTok generation have taken acceptance for actual disabilities and run with it.

Every other person has a personality disorder of one sort or another, which forms part of their 'identity'and which, sue to acceptance, everyone else is supposed to pander to and tiptoe around, while they behave like badly behaved children and are not prepared to put in any kind of hard work on themselves to mature and sort out often very sortable behaviour. Its created a celebration of narcissistic traits.

and male or female, Mr Sensitive applies, and the behaviour is not really conductive to being in a relationship

"Part of my identity" seems to often be an excuse for "I'll do what I want and fuck the impact on anyone else" nowadays. I'm in my 50's. Identity changes so that's no excuse for solidifying yourself in harmful behaviour.

Actual babytalk???
Or just lightening up with humour.

I mean, you made it fairly clear it’s the former. I would explain it’s a dealbreaker, that I don’t want to lose this relationship but..

Sounds like attention-seeking nonsense, bugger that for a lark.