How to not become bitter about being single / loneliness?

[DoomedForLoneliness]

So tired now.
I get so sad seeing couples, don’t want to hang out with friends, because they either talk about or drag their boyfriends with them.
I can’t watch tv/movies because most of them has at least some plotlines around dating and relationships and that just makes me so much more lonely.
I try to read threads about positive sides of being single - but at this point getting to eat what I want when I want and not having to share remote control isin’t cutting it anymore.
Genionly scared I hav to be all alone for the rest of my life until I finally get to die.

Can you try making new friends by picking up a hobby such as art club, book club, film club, walking group, bridge club etc.
it’s important to be social but if you meet people through a hobby the focus tends to be on that rather than other drama!

Also sorry you’re feeling this way. I find pets also help but it’s a struggle when you lose them (I am married btw just love far away from other family and can feel lonely sometimes!)

How old are you op?

Maybe try OLD and take your time getting to know someone, being lonely doesn't need to mean being vulnerable to manipulation. Good luck.

What are you doing to try and not be single? Going to Meetup groups/dating apps/new hobbies?

A hobby, club or activity will help you meet people but will also help you enjoy your life and take your mind off your worries. Walking group, book club, community choir, community allotment, wine club, local history group, volunteering at the library ...

Sorry you're feeling so low and lonely. I think you should probably speak to your GP about potential depression.

I know it's partly situational, but if you're blowing off friends because of how you're feeling, your loneliness and isolation is only going to increase, and your mental health worsen.

I used to love neu g single but when I hit my mi forties decided I wanted a relationship. I had 2- not at same time🤣. 8 years on I a single again. I hate the fact that I now don't enjoy my own company any more. Try and meet someone if tests what you want. I was in a good place emotionally as I loved being single and felt ready for love. I used OLD snd yes there are some assholes but there are some gems too.good luck

Sorry re typos

I don't know if we can help as I think its largely about how we are wired. Perhaps influenced a lot by our childhoods.

I'm an only child so maybe that helps me but I never really think about relationships. I mean they're nice when I can find one. But I'm fine being single too.

No one can teach you to be happy in your in company. But it sounds like you actually maybe NEED to be single for a while and figure it out because otherwise when you date, you may just settle for the wrong sort.

Maybe set yourself some goals, tasks, activities and adventures.. solo holidays ect... to do alone?Build up your self dependence and self love.

36, about to turn 37.

I’ve been to few new volunteer stuff, but they are filler with elderly women 🥹, nothing personal to them, but not what I’m looking for.
And my interest are very women heavy, knitting and crafts like that and yoga.
Older women only there also.

Someone suggested a pet, until resently I did have a dog and whenever we went an walks it was mostly older/elderly women who would stop and talk.

If only my type was 60+ women, I’d be golden!

No end of available men on OLD.

Do you want children @DoomedForLoneliness ? Are you worried about missing out on having a family because of a lack of a partner?

@Goatbilly
I think I’m 60(having kids)/40(not having) about having kids.

It does scare me that I don’t get to make that choice myself, I wouldn’t do it alone (no shame on women who do, but I couldn’t do it alone).

But I’m much more scared of not getting to experience love, loving someone and being loved by someone and building a life together.
That terrify me.

Do you have friends irl as their partners might have a good friend circle.

I feel for you I really do. I’m still just about in a relationship and that was one of the reasons he brought up as I don’t have any friends locally and he feels pressured to be my support network. I’m well aware pal but just struggle to know where to go and thought he would find it pathetic me trying to make friends. So for now I can’t do the OLD but I will look at the other suggestions

Have you ever had a relationship @DoomedForLoneliness ?

No.

I'm in my late 40s and I found myself single at friendless (for a number of reasons) at 37.

I wasn't really bothered about a relationship but I did want friends. I joined a choir amd was in that for a few uears. I made some good friends through that - male and female - mostly single and we went on holidays and stuff together. Had a really good time for a few years. But slowly they mostly fizzled out.

I had swing dance lessons. That's a really social scene with lots of men and women of all ages. Great for making friends and i saw a few relationships come out of it.

I started going to see live music at a couple of local pubs and met a few people that way. For friendships not dating.

Anyway, after several years making friends etc, starting new hobbies and one thing leading to another, I met someone (totally unrelated to the choir but who I wouldn't have met of it hadn't been for the choir), I started seeing someone last year who I'd known for a few years first.

I went to all of those things alone to begin with because I had no one to go with.

Nearly all of friends (male and female) are in their 50s/early 60s because, tbh, when I was late 30s, they were late 40s and were the ones who weren't still at home doing family stuff with their partners and children!

My point though is that I would suggest going out and finding some social activities that other people do where you can meet people in general. I wouldn't think in terms of meeting someone directly but you never know how your path will run and where you will end up.

I second the "see your GP" comment. And have you got any spare cash that you could take yourself somewhere a bit warmer/sunnier on holiday for a few days? Or go to the cinema, gym/exercise classes/swimming - things to cheer yourself up short-term rather than to find friendship or a relationship?

hello OP, what social connections do you have - do you have children / friends / family you see often? I suggest to refocus on those and on your other life goals that have nothing to do with a relationship.

I've been single for 10+ years now (LP!). I've had to kind of come to terms with it and feel pretty good about it. I did that through focussing on enjoying my time with my family and friends I do have, and focussing super closely on my own business and interests, I am building a creative business which is fun and more interesting to me than a relationship.

As much as i would love a relationship by refocussing my attention towards developing myself and enjoying what social connections I do have, I have reframed it.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade etc. I realise this may sound corny and annoying but it might be that this free time in your life could be used meaningfully - but how? Time and personal space is a gift that not everyone has and should be used for self development or furthering your personal goals without the limitations of a relationship. What are you going to do with this gift of time? How can you make it more meaningful to you? e.g. creative business, fitness, self development, start a group, study for a degree or something.

I still struggle with difficult days, loneliness etc. But by changing my focus to things I want to do it is super helpful and I have accepted it and I even find life just as fun as when within a relationship.

Doesn't mean I am closed to a relationship, more than I think "if it should happen it will" but I am not going to try to force it or get frustrated about it. I am more focussed on myself and my goals.

I understand not wanting OLD. It feels horribly like a cattle market to me. But there are other things you could do.

Join a meetup group for people in their 30s. Maybe you need to try something completely new. You could take up a male-centric sport where you could meet plenty of men....running, cycling, shooting, fishing...

You are less likely to meet someone unless you go to the places they go, so be completely clinical about it. Plan a campaign for 2023. Give yourself a makeover for a bit of confidence.