How to not become bitter about being single / loneliness?

[DoomedForLoneliness]

So tired now.
I get so sad seeing couples, don’t want to hang out with friends, because they either talk about or drag their boyfriends with them.
I can’t watch tv/movies because most of them has at least some plotlines around dating and relationships and that just makes me so much more lonely.
I try to read threads about positive sides of being single - but at this point getting to eat what I want when I want and not having to share remote control isin’t cutting it anymore.
Genionly scared I hav to be all alone for the rest of my life until I finally get to die.

Attractive I guess as appealing not glum/moany/desperate etc. But you can only do that if you’re in a good place and probably need to work to get there if you aren’t.

@TheSnootiestFox sorry to read that. If you are female single and childless there is a massive assumption you can loo after elderly parents

Op I’m sorry your thread has been derailed. I think those who have never walked a mile in your shoes will just never get it. I was married and have been with my current partner 17 years so I am not in the same boat. But I empathise and realise that I cannot know what it is like. Ps get another dog. Both my partner and I adore our dog. Pretty sure we love her more than each other😁

Look though loo might also be relevant

In my case its being an only child. I have two boys from my disastrous marriage (I settled for a man I didn't love at 32, as suggested by a pp 😂) but both my boys have their dad's ASD so can be hard work. If you met me in real life you wouldn't believe what I've written here, my nickname is little Miss Sunshine, but I have lipoedema so have presented as obese all my life and men just use me until someone thinner and more socially acceptable comes along. Apart from the husband, who I had to leave as he didn't do love, affection, support, ambition, sex, birthday or Christmas presents but liked my high salary and wouldnt let me go part time to be with my babies. After so many years it was soul destroying. I left at 45 and wanted to be remarried by 50. Ha! 🤣

But anyway OP, I don't think I'll ever get over not being really wanted by someone. I look at other women and they're plain as fish and chips and have partners, and wonder what on earth I'm doing wrong. I wish you well x

TheSnootiestFox

to some extent we’ve all done that ! Looked at couples and said well they have someone
why not me !!???

id say there is a lot of settling
ALOT
I’m not saying that happy relationships don’t exist , but I can count the ones I know of on one hand ….

but aged nearly 50 I’m also taking stock and doing some of the work
I actually think I may well meet someone as honest to god the men my age are SO lonely and SO horny

But I’m also clear I’m going to have to kiss some frogs along the way and be very patient

@TheSnootiestFox They're probably compromising and settling, so so many do. They just won't even admit it to themselves nevermind everyone else!

@Thisisworsethananticpated Yes, many men on the apps are very lonely and horny! So true! They seem to have led broken lives and are hoping to be rescued! Very true about many settling...I don't believe all these people are with the "loves of their lives" nonsense! They're just terrified of being back on the apps and failing to meet anyone else so it's safer to stick with what you've got!

anthurium

it’s a lake of lonely 😞
xmas alone
few friends
dead parents or estranged
either no kids or kids with ex
lack of meaningful connections

I mean maybe I only attract the lonely ones
but Jesus it’s staggering
l go on my sometimes lacklustre dates and I’m so happy to return to my teens and my cats 🐈‍⬛

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Yes to all of the descriptions you've mentioned: "it’s a lake of lonely 😞
xmas alone
few friends
dead parents or estranged
either no kids or kids with ex
lack of meaningful connections"

I wonder if they've spent most of their life not having meaningful connections why do they think they can just develop one now?! And with me?! Most seem almost unaware of their life situation?

It's not just you, I have come away from a number of dates where this was the case. And I too, am grateful I have a young child at home and a loving family.

I wonder if they've spent most of their life not having meaningful connections why do they think they can just develop one now?!
Maybe they're on a Dadsnet thread with a load of other men saying that it may happen at any moment, even if they have never had a fulfilling relationship and have given up entirely, and they should just hang on in there.

So chin up eh OP? Bet you feel much better from this thread ... 👯

Op
there is something to be said for realising this is NOT your own personal and unique sadness

I’m not minimising how you feel - your sadness is real and I hear it x

but there might be comfort from realising many are in this same boat and feel the same as you ?

and how people address it varies widely

some settle and compromise
some make peace with it
some have therapy and do the work
some stay unhappy , and the bitter men I’ve met - they show it !

but be clear this isn’t a YOU issue
it’s being human and despite the shitter posts I hope you have seen some ideas and insights ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Absolutely agree! Very wise words.

whatever the situation, knowing others are going through similar always brings some level of comfort I think. There is no one size fits all solution, but talking through your options whilst getting your feelings validated CAN help. That's why I get so cross when people aggressively push their own agenda or worse, start to pick apart the OP s character based on a few choice responses, when a good dollop of empathy would be more appropriate!

Hi OP. Sorry I haven't RTFT and I'm sorry if this sounds superficial/trite or seems like it's minimising what you are saying...but have you ever thought of taking up climbing/bouldering as a hobby?
I've started going for my daughter's hobby and just out of sheer curiosity had a go myself. I'm totally pigeon chested and weak 😅 but the adrenaline rush is fantastic and it's addictive as you improve so quickly.
It's so male orientated too! Lots of nice looking friendly men in their 30/40/50s obviously I don't know if they are single but in a numbers game there has to be some. Everyone is so friendly and accepting! All shapes and sizes, you don't have to be slim. Not sure where you are , I'm in the north west. I'd recommend it.
I thought it was worth a post anyway.

Yes, being part of a loving couple is wonderful but being in a relationship just because you don’t want to end up being bitter isn’t a better option. All you need to do is see how many couples are not happy and be relieved you aren’t stuck in a situation like that. I didn’t meet my DH until I was 30 and we got married when I was 33. My aunts were beside themselves that I wasn’t married in my early 20’s like their kids were. Guess what? They are all divorced and we are still together 35 years later. Waiting for someone just right for you to come along is the best thing to do. Don’t settle.

I do get that not all relationships are happy/healthy, but seems so crazy that most people do want to be in one, and get to be in a relationship - multible even! And how society, media, art, people just talking, revolves around relationships, IF they weren’t so great/valuable,important, what most want.
And added hurt of the comments here kicking me while I’m down, like some commenters really seemed angry at me!

It’s seems so crazy to just have to be okey with never having experienced it and people saying they aren’t important.
It doesn’t add up.
It’s like a beautiful woman complaining how awful it is to be pretty, but they’d never trade it for alternative.

😂😂

Most people want to be in one because they are afraid of being lonely or childless. Because there is no alternative to romantic relationships. And I guess there is boredom too past the age of 25 so it's something to do? You are very naïve to think all these people are in love! I know a number of people who no longer want to pursue romantic relationships in fact more than I know people who want to be in one. You CAN experience it you just need to have a very different criteria to the one you already have. So many men available on OLD who have very low bar and expectations.