Men in relationships going to strip clubs

[username52111]

I don't mean casually going to strip clubs on a Friday night. I am talking about those men who go to strip clubs as a one off on a stag do or on a lads holiday.

Would it bother you if your boyfriend/fiancee/husband went? That he's parted with cash to enter an establishment to drool over women scantily clad?

I've always thought I'd be done with a man if he did this, but just interested to hear more perspectives as I do hear that some women deem this okay behaviour. Am I missing something?

I wouldn't love it, but it wouldn't be a LTB situation for me. If I found out he was being disrespectful or creepy with them, I'd be pretty grossed out and disappointed though. AFAIK my DH hasn't been to one but it honestly wouldn't be a deal-breaker if he had.

I had a butler in the buff at my hen do. I wasn't happy about it and I was very far from turned on! Not my thing really. But it was arranged for me so I just lived with it. DH wasn't bothered. My mum, my former teacher and my brother were all there with me, so it was not even remotely sexy. Dbro had great chats with him and it was all just a bit of silliness really.

I think you're letting the fact they're a man cloud your judgement - I've read it several times and I'm struggling to see your point.

@Deathbyfluffy And you must be a cool wife 😂

Does this extend to people's views on their husbands/partners watching porn?

Erm, everything?!? I said I've never been to a strip club and I think they're exploitative, unpleasant places 🤷‍♂️

I think by 'cool wife' you just mean 'wife', because it's clear you are either unmarried, you are in a very unhappy marriage, or your DH is in a very unhappy marriage.

I'm guessing there's a very high degree of correlation between partners not liking porn and not liking strip clubs.... and vice versa.

At 20 I could accept it as the thing to do, at 50 it would totally give me the ick.

Couldn't resist replying as there's so much waffle from people who have clearly never been in or worked in one of these establishments. I worked in a few when i was in uni, so 3 plus 2 years after grad, and the idea that every customer is some kind of evil bond villain who's only there on a power trip and we were all innocent victims is just daft. I just saw each guy as a potential walking wallet, used to do a lot of sit downs where basically you keep the guy talking and buying jacked up drinks for as long as possible, for me personally it was to make the most money possible with the least amount of effort as pole work is hard work! I can talk crap for hours so sit downs were my personal favourite.

So where exactly is the power balance there, seeing as i was able to forgo my maintenance loan and pay tuition (this was when it was 3 grand a year) and these guys were getting rinsed and smashing their overdrafts for what? A woman they have to pay to talk to them? Or some titillation from someone who just saw them as a wallet? And no i don't feel bad or guilty about how it, I'm not an addict or looking for sympathy, it was just a job end of the day. A means to an end.

So no i didn't need saving or a lecture by faux concerned feminists who makes lots of assumptions and generalisations. No one gets to tell me or to shame me into doing what they think i ought to be doing, its condescending at best and tiresome.

Not quite sure of the point of your post. The question was: would you date a guy who visited strip clubs? What has your experience got to do with women claiming they wouldn’t date a man who visited strip clubs.

And before you put me into the “feminist” category (btw, feminism is seeking equality for women, surely as a women you’d be all for this?). I digress…If you see my post a few pages ago, you’ll see I used to work in some clubs too. Like you, to pay for my legal and post grad degrees.

Like you, I saw the punters as a cash, believing I’d done a number on the patriarchy because I was using these men for $$. But that changes nothing. I would not date a man who visits strip clubs. In fact, your summary of these men correlates to my experience of them. They’re pretty much all stupid, misogynistic idiots who view women as objects. Why would anyone want to date one?

And as for the power imbalance. I grew up and what I thought was me being in control, was the opposite. Once you exchange currency for anything, the purchaser has control. We were definitely not in a position of power.

The day my partner tells me he's going to a strip club is the day I go to the local pub and start taking my clothes off for the drunks for a few quid. I'm sure he wouldn't mind as it's "female empowerment"

Hi, what if he wanted to have private dances and go there once or twice a year, even if there is no stag do? And do it when he travels to another country for business too. Always private dances.

Mine did the same & I too can’t get the image out my head. What’s more he did a private dance with two girls and told me & wants to do it annually. (Stag do or not). He says I must be open minded, accept him for who he is & appreciate his honesty that he is laying his cards on the table as he is not going to live with guilt.

Grim, get rid.

Sounds like more than a private dance to me.

Id tell him you'll be hiring two male strippers out to your air BnB in a city with a good range of male strippers, with a female friend or two, every time he does that.

The strippers will be the type who do full nudity etc.

(Because there aren't any, to my knowledge, male lap dancing clubs ATM ..and "reviews aren't the same).

But tbh he just needs gotten rid of for doing let alone telling you he'll do it again/regularly and you can just take that.

@Peachezz Extraordinarily manipulative. What a nasty creepy husband you have.

He may not want to live with the guilt but you don’t have to live with his breaking of your boundaries.

@Peachezz how do you feel about it? Do you want to be open minded about this? It’s not up to him to tell you how to feel.

What did you say to that?

Never make a man tell you more than once that he doesn't want you.

If he needs to go see women he actually finds attractive and then come home, turn off all the lights and use me like a fleshlight, that isn't ok with me. I would rather be alone. We both deserve better: he deserves a woman he's attracted to, and I deserve a man who's attracted to me.

Is it normal behaviour that your husband goes to strip clubs to pay women to take their tops off & dance in front of them sometimes nude as well. Lap dances.. I'm told it is entertainment. I find this hard to digest. That he is paying for this and in his mind it is only a dance. It is very hurtful. Secrets for years. Found out he been in them for years.

For me, it’s less about the place and more about the intention behind it. A few years back, I went to a gentlemen's club for a buddy’s bachelor party. It was all in good fun, but the guys made it clear it was just part of the celebration, nothing serious. We were there for laughs, not to cross any lines.That said, it’d definitely raise some red flags for me if my partner was going regularly or hiding it. It’s about respect, right? Some women see it as harmless fun, and I get that, but it would probably bother me if it felt like a secret. Clear communication is key to figuring out where both people stand on this!

It is not a myth whatsoever ever. Actually I was a stripper in new Jersey when I turned 18 and actually a male has tried touching me and actually hot kicked out the club.