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Original poster

Men in relationships going to strip clubs

224 replies

username52111 · 25/02/2023 16:42

I don't mean casually going to strip clubs on a Friday night. I am talking about those men who go to strip clubs as a one off on a stag do or on a lads holiday.

Would it bother you if your boyfriend/fiancee/husband went? That he's parted with cash to enter an establishment to drool over women scantily clad?

I've always thought I'd be done with a man if he did this, but just interested to hear more perspectives as I do hear that some women deem this okay behaviour. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
C1N1C · 25/02/2023 18:53

I'd be OK if my wife went because I know she finds it cringe. I actually think she'd feel the same if I did too! As others have said, I think there's a big difference between seedy person trying to get their rocks off, and being dragged along because someone hadn't tried it and wanted company for a night out.

Many have said it is ick etc, but assuming this is a legitimate establishment, could it not also be seen as empowering? These women are hard working, assertive women making a really good pay cheque taking advantage of the pathetic guys around them...

Ringmaster27 · 25/02/2023 18:56

Personally I think going in a group on a stag do, and having a few drinks in the main stage areas is absolutely fine.
Paying for private dances, or going on the regular I’d have a problem with.

Matildahoney · 25/02/2023 18:59

Would not bother me in the slightest.

Whyisitsososohard · 25/02/2023 19:09

Emmamoo89 · 25/02/2023 16:43

Wouldn't bother me. Trust my partner

I trust my partner too. But I'm not sure what that has to do with anything? Like not to have sex or touch the women? I think that's insulting to them as most strip clubs aren't like that.

It's absolutely a no go for me. Fair enough if women want to do that work and part men from their money but I wouldn't be happy with my partner doing that and being aroused by another woman. I'd also feel embarrassed as Ives seen various social media from strippers and they don't think highly of their customers. (rightly so!)

Emmamoo89 · 25/02/2023 19:11

Whyisitsososohard · 25/02/2023 19:09

I trust my partner too. But I'm not sure what that has to do with anything? Like not to have sex or touch the women? I think that's insulting to them as most strip clubs aren't like that.

It's absolutely a no go for me. Fair enough if women want to do that work and part men from their money but I wouldn't be happy with my partner doing that and being aroused by another woman. I'd also feel embarrassed as Ives seen various social media from strippers and they don't think highly of their customers. (rightly so!)

Show quote history

Its not insulting. I do trust my partner. If he was to ever go to one it would be for a stag do. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

Whyisitsososohard · 25/02/2023 19:11

Megifer · 25/02/2023 16:57

Its also a bit of a myth that you can't touch the strippers. That's what private dances are for, generally the bouncers turn a blind eye to touching if the stripper is OK with it. More money spent on more dances, repeat business etc.

I thought most people knew the no touching thing is a load of rubbish?

I follow various stoppers and house mums on tiktok and they all talk about no touching so I think it must vary. But either way I'm not ok with it in my relationship.

Opentooffers · 25/02/2023 19:16

A one off stag do, where the rest are going so it would be odd not to, I can understand. While not loving it, I wouldn't blame someone for following along.
That the industry exists and there's a market for it, is a reflection of how visual men are as opposed to women. Women engage their brains more so imagination, fantasy, sensuality, emotion - bit more appealing than a stripper. Male strippers are more of a laugh at thing than sexy. Some men probably feel like this too, hence go for a laugh with the crowd rather than getting off on it particularly themselves. Dumping someone for it is a tad extreme.

thefamous5 · 25/02/2023 19:18

Genuinely wouldn't bother me.

Of course if he was going every weekend and spending fortune at one then I would be bothered but for the odd night out with friends for stag donor whatever, couldn't get worked up, not that he goes out anywhere anyway. I would go to a male stripper night : magic Mike type thing so I'd be hypocritical if I did have ab issue.

Dinersaur · 25/02/2023 19:18

Wouldn't bother me at all.

I think it's worth figuring out your genuine opinion rather than canvassing opinions. If you feel like you should be bothered, but actually you're not, that's fine. You don't need to be bothered.

Mum2jenny · 25/02/2023 19:21

Not too bothered as I’ve been in one many years ago and it was ok. And I trust my dh. Tbf it’s probably more my scene than his,

Workingwithchildcare · 25/02/2023 19:23

Hasn’t bothered me in the past at stag dos but recently a friend went to a her other friends 50th birthday. She had hired some buff waiters to serve drinks etc and apparently the apron didn’t cover much and they had an eye full. It didn’t go down very well and raised the question as to whether it would be ok for the husbands to have near naked women serve them. I feels off. Middle age women pawing over 20 year old men. I’d hate to think that could be my son in that position. Maybe my views are changing as I’m getting older.

Paperexcelandpens · 25/02/2023 19:31

No it wouldn't bother me at all.

AnyFucker · 25/02/2023 19:31

It’s a deal breaker for me in any circumstances

Alphavilla · 25/02/2023 19:39

My husband came home from a lads night out and told me they had ended up in the lap dancing club. I was not impressed but would have made nothing of it. I asked if anyone had a private dance and he said he had one, his friends had apparently insisted on buying him a dance. At that point I felt sick. Not that I am hugely fond of some young girl our daughter's age rubbing her naked crotch up and down him and putting her tits in his face, but more the shame I felt that a beloved trusted husband of mine had demonstrated that he is no better than your average letching old perv, and I was embarrassed to think of the disdain the dancer must have had for him. Yes I know I am not going to lose my man to a lap dancer but some of the respect I held for him died that day. It took several years for me to stop seeing the image of it in my head. How he thought I would be cool with it I don't know. His friends had agreed not to tell their wives, I was supposed to be glad he was honest.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 25/02/2023 19:56

If he had a lap dance it’d be an issue for me. Going there is a bit cringy and seedy imo.
My dh used to do a corporate job and often part of client entertainment after a nice dinner and a few drinks they would end up going to go to a strip club. This was in the USA and allegedly more the norm for blokes to do this. I didn’t like it but his argument was that because it was a client or his superior wanting to go he couldn’t really not go.
We used to watch porn together so I’m not a saint.
One time some colleagues/friends and clients were impromptu going to a strip club (because it was open late and served good chicken wings.) I said I wanted to go too, to see what all the fuss was about. The chicken wings were pretty good lol
You could have cut the air with a knife when I arrived with him.
I got into the spirit of things and was tipping pole dancers, because of their skill. It was a bit awkward to begin with but everyone relaxed and a couple of them went for private dances. One came back with a wet patch on his groin which gives me the ick to this day as we were friends with him and his pregnant wife.
When we were there I had to ask where the ladies was. A lovely woman took my hand and led me to the bathroom which was basically the stoppers changing room. The atmosphere was slighty hostile/unwelcoming in there.

It was an interesting experience but I’d never go again and to the best of my knowledge my dh hasn’t been to one since. His colleagues were singing my praises though. The ick guy in particular was a bit gobsmacked and thought I was brave.😂
I don’t get how some men enjoy going to strip clubs, they same way I don’t understand how some woman enjoy stripping.

As far as I know my dh has been to a strip club once since then (15 years ago.)
I nearly left him over it.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 25/02/2023 19:56

*strippers

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 25/02/2023 19:59

*to clarify, dh went once after that night after I had explicitly asked him not to go. That caused a lot of issues as he was taking coke too. As far as I know he hasn’t been since then

TicketBoo23 · 25/02/2023 20:03

I know that most strip clubs dont let you touch the strippers anyway

A true lapdance involves grinding on their crotch (and often boobs in face etc).

People see very naive about this

Theres supposed to be a gap - doesn't happen a lot of the time. Documentaries uncovered that ... As if it needed uncovered.

It also crosses into sex acts sometimes ... Depends on the establishment.
People who think the police/law is on this; the guy I know was going into strip clubs & brothels was in the MET, and the punters he was going with were officers/constables.

Abroad - Eastern Europe and Canary islands for sure; strip clubs are brothels.

TicketBoo23 · 25/02/2023 20:05

There's also the gang element behind some strip clubs (and brothels and non brothel prostitution); they are run by and benefit gangs. And the strippers/prostitutes etc are not free/truly consenting in the context of those gangs too.

MorgansMullet · 25/02/2023 20:06

I like men that don’t objectify women and that really understand misogyny, so a man that visits a strip club isn’t for me.

QueefQueen80s · 25/02/2023 20:07

Nah wouldn't want to be with the kind of man who thinks anything like this is okay.

rootsandwings89 · 25/02/2023 20:08

I trust my husband. I don't see it as any different if we were to go to a hen party and there being a stripper there etc. it would be a laugh and that's it.

TicketBoo23 · 25/02/2023 20:08

Aside from all the issues above; I find that men who.dk this would never ... In a month of Sundays ... Be ok with their partners doing the equivalent.

So it's the double standards and hypocrisy and total lack of empathy (and often deception, even if it's by omission) that's the issue as well.

MargaritMargo · 25/02/2023 20:13

It’s not for me no. Multiple reasons.

Mainly the sex trade and the damage it does to women and society as a whole.

Secondly it’s absolutely pathetic - I’m now in my 40s so any partner of mine would be 40+. Waaaaay too old to think it appropriate to sit and watch a young (strippers are not generally 30//40/50 are they let’s be honest) woman take her clothes off. It’s revolting - lots of these men have daughters similar ages.

Also someone mentioned to me once about strip club seats just being covered in jizz and filth and it’s mentally scarred me for life.

It’s nothing to do with being insecure, I absolutely know that a 20 year old will have a much “better” body than me, I am under no illusions that I would lose that battle instantly. Just as my DH doesn’t have a six pack and muscles and amazing jawline, I don’t love him any less for it so I don’t think he loves me any less for having a flabby arse and droopy boobs.

I don’t see it as cheating, there’s no insecurity on my part. But I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a man who felt this was something they’d enjoy or want to be part of.

Siameasy · 25/02/2023 20:14

Not concerned about it. DH has possibly been in one on a stag night. I’ve never been bothered enough to ask.