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Original poster

Men in relationships going to strip clubs

224 replies

username52111 · 25/02/2023 16:42

I don't mean casually going to strip clubs on a Friday night. I am talking about those men who go to strip clubs as a one off on a stag do or on a lads holiday.

Would it bother you if your boyfriend/fiancee/husband went? That he's parted with cash to enter an establishment to drool over women scantily clad?

I've always thought I'd be done with a man if he did this, but just interested to hear more perspectives as I do hear that some women deem this okay behaviour. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
CountZacular · 25/02/2023 23:29

TrishM80 · 25/02/2023 23:15

Come on, how many of you can honestly say you've never been at at least one event with a male stripper, and thoroughly enjoyed it?!

And women get away with a lot more with a male stripper, in terms of touching, licking, even sex acts, than would ever be tolerated in a women's strip club (not least because there are burly bouncers there who would chuck any man out who crossed the line).

I find both male and female strippers seedy and tacky, but let's not condemn one and defend the other!!

I’m going out on a limb here but I’m going to say an awful lot of women have never been to one or enjoyed it. I’ve never been to see a male stripper, of all the women I know only one has and I have absolutely no desire to go to one. Don’t assume your standards on this are the norm.

And it’s really naive to think they are equal. Did you find yourself aroused by your male stripper or did you all laugh hysterically?

I don’t like either forms and most women who object to strip clubs aren’t frequent attenders of male strippers either (why would they be, exactly?).

WalkingThroughTreacle · 25/02/2023 23:29

Would you tolerate your partner going to a dog fight as long as he didn't actually kill a dog himself? Whether he gets up to anything with any of the women in a strip club is surely not the point? it's the fundamental principles.

Moser85 · 26/02/2023 00:26

A friend of mine was a stripper and she said that groups of British men tend to be one of the worst groups and they used to dread them coming in. She said groups of British men tended to just be gross and would act in a degrading way but other groups would often be just 'nicer' I suppose and complimentary as opposed to saying seedy and degrading stuff trying to be cool in front of their mates!

I don't think women going to male strippers is the same at all, women don't get a sexual thrill out of it. I would say the equivalent would be more like if a woman got to go out and grind on a man to get a little sexual thrill that wasn't her partner.

JupiterFortified · 26/02/2023 00:29

It wouldn’t (and doesn’t) bother me if my husband goes to a strip club on the rare occasion that he’s on a stag do.

But I wouldn’t be too keen if he suddenly decided to go to a syrup club as a matter of course, eg every Friday night. For me that turns it from a bit of fun with a big group of stags to creepy old man territory.

JupiterFortified · 26/02/2023 00:30

strip club not syrup club ha

Greenfairydust · 26/02/2023 00:39

It is not the possibility of cheating that would be be an issue for me (these women are doing a job, they don't care about the silly men who come to see them...).

It is about the fact that it objectifies women's bodies and turn them into a commodity that can be bought by men. It is just yet another example of misogyny and male entitlement.

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 00:42

I used to be a dancer in England. It paid my tuition fees at uni because I could not get a student loan (international student).

I was so grateful that there were so many seedy men (and women) who were stupid enough to part with their money to pay for my law degree. Thanks for that.

But be under no illusion. They’re fucking disgusting establishments. And I worked in the “classy/upmarket” gentleman’s clubs.

Touching was allowed if I was okay with it. Married men who I was paid to act as though I fancied would take it literally and leave me their phone number or end up coming back without the rest of the stag party at later dates or turn into a stalker. I guarantee any man who has a private dance isn’t bored, like they usually tell their wives. Out of thousands of men I danced for, only one didn’t get erect, and he was there for his 85th birthday. I’d say that 70-80% of men asked for more or extras. Ironically the younger, single men were less likely to ask. If I had a pound for every time a married man told me he wasn’t getting any at home and how he’d love to fuck me, I could have been almost a millionaire (exaggerating, but)…

Oh and when you say no to extras/exchanging numbers to a man who is portraying himself as Mr Nice Guy (usually the married family man), you go from stunning sex goddess to skanky ho in less than 0.4 seconds.

I always felt sad when I saw the wedding rings, wondering why those men were there. Even more sad when they’d open their wallet to stuff a sneaky tenner into my vulva with their mouth and you’d spot their kids pics in the wallet.

The drinks are horrendously expensive. Even then I’d think jeez, the price of those three beers you could have bought your wife a lovely bouquet of flowers and your kids a nice toy each, but hey ho.

The men saw women as a commodity. As entertainment. They’d comment on our bodies like we were not human. No men I ever came across in my role of a dancer would I ever want to be in a relationship with. Except the bouncers, they were usually really decent and protective, other than the few on a power trip.

I married a man who has never stepped foot in a strip club. I love that for me.

Just my two cents. You put up with what you’re prepared to put up with. For me, I wouldn’t be with someone who goes to strip clubs but kudos to those women who are somehow okay with it :)

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 00:43

JupiterFortified · 26/02/2023 00:30

strip club not syrup club ha

Syrup club sounds surprisingly appealing!

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 26/02/2023 00:53

He’s been to them on stag dos. I get the impression they’re not his cup of tea at all. Try to tell him where he can and can’t go or I’ll finish with him? Definitely not. He’s welcome to go on a stag do when everyone else does. He doesn’t like them so they usually signal the end of the night for him if they stay too long anyway.

TrishM80 · 26/02/2023 01:04

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 00:42

I used to be a dancer in England. It paid my tuition fees at uni because I could not get a student loan (international student).

I was so grateful that there were so many seedy men (and women) who were stupid enough to part with their money to pay for my law degree. Thanks for that.

But be under no illusion. They’re fucking disgusting establishments. And I worked in the “classy/upmarket” gentleman’s clubs.

Touching was allowed if I was okay with it. Married men who I was paid to act as though I fancied would take it literally and leave me their phone number or end up coming back without the rest of the stag party at later dates or turn into a stalker. I guarantee any man who has a private dance isn’t bored, like they usually tell their wives. Out of thousands of men I danced for, only one didn’t get erect, and he was there for his 85th birthday. I’d say that 70-80% of men asked for more or extras. Ironically the younger, single men were less likely to ask. If I had a pound for every time a married man told me he wasn’t getting any at home and how he’d love to fuck me, I could have been almost a millionaire (exaggerating, but)…

Oh and when you say no to extras/exchanging numbers to a man who is portraying himself as Mr Nice Guy (usually the married family man), you go from stunning sex goddess to skanky ho in less than 0.4 seconds.

I always felt sad when I saw the wedding rings, wondering why those men were there. Even more sad when they’d open their wallet to stuff a sneaky tenner into my vulva with their mouth and you’d spot their kids pics in the wallet.

The drinks are horrendously expensive. Even then I’d think jeez, the price of those three beers you could have bought your wife a lovely bouquet of flowers and your kids a nice toy each, but hey ho.

The men saw women as a commodity. As entertainment. They’d comment on our bodies like we were not human. No men I ever came across in my role of a dancer would I ever want to be in a relationship with. Except the bouncers, they were usually really decent and protective, other than the few on a power trip.

I married a man who has never stepped foot in a strip club. I love that for me.

Just my two cents. You put up with what you’re prepared to put up with. For me, I wouldn’t be with someone who goes to strip clubs but kudos to those women who are somehow okay with it :)

Yeah, you were so morally repulsed by strip clubs, you chose to work in one! 😂

LadyJ2023 · 26/02/2023 01:21

I wouldn't stay with anyone who paid for that filth. Same as anyone watching home porn no way. Luckily hubby recently went on someone's stag and a few last year and none went to strippers

MangoPineapple11 · 26/02/2023 01:26

Doesn't faze me at all - a private dance would be a step to far though but even then because of the price and money wasted

PinkPupZ · 26/02/2023 01:28

It would put me off if someone wanted to do this and I hate the way it is pushed as acceptable/normal for stag nights.

Carlycat · 26/02/2023 01:28

It's a deal breaker for me. I'd rather be single than settle for disrespectful misogynist scrotes

Ceilingplaits · 26/02/2023 01:32

Well, I wouldn't have anything to do with a man who wasn't a feminist, and I doubt a feminist would go to a strip club, so no.

It's not a situation I can imagine being in though, as I've never associated with people who would do such a thing.

Ceilingplaits · 26/02/2023 01:40

Greenfairydust · 26/02/2023 00:39

It is not the possibility of cheating that would be be an issue for me (these women are doing a job, they don't care about the silly men who come to see them...).

It is about the fact that it objectifies women's bodies and turn them into a commodity that can be bought by men. It is just yet another example of misogyny and male entitlement.

Yes. It's very worrying that this needs explaining, considering it's hardly rocket science. :(
Why on earth would anyone have any relations whatsoever with someone who somehow thought the objectification and associated subjugation of women acceptable? (Except in exceptional circumstances e.g. having to treat said person if they were your hospital patient, but to socialise with yet alone marry...?!)

Ceilingplaits · 26/02/2023 01:44

KateAusten · 25/02/2023 21:16

This is interesting because I saw a thread on here not that long ago where a woman was running through what was planned for a hen do. There was going to be a male stripper, lots and lots of replies and not one person mentioned the fact a stripper was going to be there

Men can't go to a strip club though

Very obvious difference because of power relations in this thing we live in called the Patriarchy.

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 04:55

TrishM80 · 26/02/2023 01:04

Yeah, you were so morally repulsed by strip clubs, you chose to work in one! 😂

Show quote history

It’s called growing up and getting older and wiser. At the time I was an idiot and believed I was empowered and that I had a power over the patriarchy (LOL). Now I’m older, I know that’s what the patriarchy want women in my position to think. I wasn’t empowered, I was a stupid teenager. I wish I could be as perfect as you and never made such mistakes, thou holy one.

I am sure there are single mums working in strip clubs who are morally repulsed by them too, but do it as a need for their kid’s survival.

But you keep blaming the women. Those poor, poor men hey.

JocelynBurnell · 26/02/2023 05:09

No.

No interest in being with a sleazeball.

NoraLuka · 26/02/2023 05:26

I am interested to see how many posters have said they wouldn’t be ok with it. DP went to a strip club a few months ago and I’ve never felt the same about him since. I didn’t kick off or anything when he told me although I was clear I wasn’t happy. He says they just had one drink then left but tbh just the fact that they were in there is gross.

He doesn’t see the problem and neither do his friends who he was with, although it’s not clear if they told their girlfriends. I’m friends with one of the girlfriends but can’t ask her in case she doesn’t already know.

BertaHoon · 26/02/2023 05:48

At least they keep it to clubs these days. As a kid in a pub - a stripper gram was usually a given. Especially on a Sunday.

If they weren't even booked by anyone the pub would advertise stripper on an evening. Didn't see much, all the men were too busy crowding round jeering and whooping.

Nothing changes. Men want to see naked women, and not their wives.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/02/2023 06:03

I'd think he was a sleaze, and I'd think a lot less of him.

daisychain01 · 26/02/2023 06:04

It would say so much about their attitude to women and their lack of intellect, that I wouldn't have gone out with them to start with.

coincidentally, none of the men I've ever personally known have thought it was a great night out to go to a strip club, they had more sense.

AdultHumanFemale · 26/02/2023 06:07

Women's bodies are not commodities.

'Male strippers' is a red herring.

'Trust' is a red herring.

'Empowerment' is a red herring.

I spent time in strip clubs in my early 20s, many of us studying performing arts, and trying to avoid getting mired in student debt and paying fees. Lots of corporate / industry entertaining. Few men are 'bored'. Embarrassed and awkward, yes. Lots of contact and touching, especially during private dances.

Without exception, all girls were coerced by circumstances, would never have chosen dancing, and were out as soon they were able. Male clients tell themselves girls 'love it'.

As for DP, I'd like to think he'd be the guy to explain to another man contemplating a visit to a strip club why buying women's bodies is deeply misogynistic and tell him not to be a dick.

Nora, I find your comment about not feeling like you could ask your friend interesting. Who is served by you saying nothing? If your DPs are so relaxed about it, what would it matter if you, their partners, discussed it?

Emptycrackedcup · 26/02/2023 06:26

I'm OK with porn (if I don't know about it), but draw the line at a strip club. I'd rather not know. I'd be really upset