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Original poster

Men in relationships going to strip clubs

224 replies

username52111 · 25/02/2023 16:42

I don't mean casually going to strip clubs on a Friday night. I am talking about those men who go to strip clubs as a one off on a stag do or on a lads holiday.

Would it bother you if your boyfriend/fiancee/husband went? That he's parted with cash to enter an establishment to drool over women scantily clad?

I've always thought I'd be done with a man if he did this, but just interested to hear more perspectives as I do hear that some women deem this okay behaviour. Am I missing something?

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 10:55

letthatmango · 26/02/2023 08:37

Husband has been invited on stag dos etc to these places, but has always been part of the group of men who choose to miss that bit and meet the others after. He’s never alone in that decision, that’s understood within their friendship groups.

This isn’t because of their wives/partners moaning but because they themselves get the ick and think it’s grim.

I’d be grossed out if he didn’t share my view of these places.

Exactly.

Men can opt out.

The ones who say they can't are lying ... . or very weak, submissive, highly motivated by male approval & "bonding" (to the extent of disrespecting their partners & families).

I know plenty of men who were able to book outdoor pursuit/challenge type breaks (in the middle of nowhere) for stag dos and male bonding.

It's a certain type who "have to" go to strip clubs and worse.

It tells you a lot about them.

daisychain01 · 26/02/2023 11:06

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 10:42

That's not my experience at all! Most men don't give a dam about their partners going to Magic Mike or the equivalent. Actually, they seem to be quite up for it, in the hope it will rev them up so they'll want a shag when they get back!

Show quote history

OMG, the fact they'd even think that women get "reved up" by some numpty in a mankini shows how utterly clueless they are. They're more likely to fall around laughing.

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 11:07

I find threads like this amusing, so many women who genuinely believe their partners have never been to a strip club and get all up on their high horses about the objectification of women.

You actually have no clue whose partner on here has been or goes to strip clubs and whose hasn't, so don't assume anything.

I know men who haven't and don't. Or have been in single and not gone back. It's not they'd thing. They're not interested. They don't want involved. There are women in here who will be partnered up with guys like that.

My partner went in when young & single on boozy nights out twice when a strip club opened in the capital of our provincial region. He bought a private dance on at least one occasion. He said he naturally reacted to get rubbing her ass/genitals on his during the private dance but that aside from that he found it as awkward as fuck. He said they'd had a chat beforehand and he found it weird and awkward & "unnatural" to chat about their circumstances etc and then go in and have a sort of sex act, see her nude - in a booth in a club.
He also said it was a waste of money and he felt uncomfortable being hassled and one case challenged for not paying for private dances.

He did not go to any such club again until his friend wanted to go on his stag do. This was relatively ad hoc, his friend initially said he had no intention before they went in the stag do. He went in, he said, because he felt he would be a sort of party pooper, non "supportive", odd one out, separating off from the group, and he knew his friend wanted them all in there and it was "his" night.
He claimed to have a "table" dance that was included with the price of entry.

I don't know if that's true. I was angry - because of the decision, but also because he lied and trickle truthed afterward. I arranged one of the few male lap dancing clubs in the UK with some friends afterward and had two private dances, as well as some with my friends.
He was uncomfortable but knew he could say fk all.

We both agreed after these incidents that strip clubs etc are not really places for people on exclusive relationships to be (for most ppl).

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 11:08

Anyway, to underscore my point ... Your assumption that women in long-term intimate relationships don't usually know their partners background and activities and inclinations is flawed. Some might not, most do

RunTowardsTheLight · 26/02/2023 11:08

I've been with DH for nearly 26 years. In that time he's been to a strip club a handful of times (usually on a stag night). I'm fine with that. I wouldn't want him going regularly though.

Original poster
username52111 · 26/02/2023 11:52

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 11:07

I find threads like this amusing, so many women who genuinely believe their partners have never been to a strip club and get all up on their high horses about the objectification of women.

You actually have no clue whose partner on here has been or goes to strip clubs and whose hasn't, so don't assume anything.

I know men who haven't and don't. Or have been in single and not gone back. It's not they'd thing. They're not interested. They don't want involved. There are women in here who will be partnered up with guys like that.

My partner went in when young & single on boozy nights out twice when a strip club opened in the capital of our provincial region. He bought a private dance on at least one occasion. He said he naturally reacted to get rubbing her ass/genitals on his during the private dance but that aside from that he found it as awkward as fuck. He said they'd had a chat beforehand and he found it weird and awkward & "unnatural" to chat about their circumstances etc and then go in and have a sort of sex act, see her nude - in a booth in a club.
He also said it was a waste of money and he felt uncomfortable being hassled and one case challenged for not paying for private dances.

He did not go to any such club again until his friend wanted to go on his stag do. This was relatively ad hoc, his friend initially said he had no intention before they went in the stag do. He went in, he said, because he felt he would be a sort of party pooper, non "supportive", odd one out, separating off from the group, and he knew his friend wanted them all in there and it was "his" night.
He claimed to have a "table" dance that was included with the price of entry.

I don't know if that's true. I was angry - because of the decision, but also because he lied and trickle truthed afterward. I arranged one of the few male lap dancing clubs in the UK with some friends afterward and had two private dances, as well as some with my friends.
He was uncomfortable but knew he could say fk all.

We both agreed after these incidents that strip clubs etc are not really places for people on exclusive relationships to be (for most ppl).

You can get private lap dances at a male strip club in the UK???

I know there are male strip clubs like Dreamboys etc but always thought that all of them were just shows, so you could get a dance on stage maybe. Not in private though.

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 11:59

username52111 · 26/02/2023 11:52

You can get private lap dances at a male strip club in the UK???

I know there are male strip clubs like Dreamboys etc but always thought that all of them were just shows, so you could get a dance on stage maybe. Not in private though.

Show quote history

When I looked it was very difficult to find.

When annoyed however I am like an absolute dog with a bone so I found one in Nottingham, not sure if still going in any capacity...and one in Streatham in London.

The streatham one closed down and they knocked the building done too (!)

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 12:01

It was in a building named Caesers's Palace on the main street, used for various things.

As I said it's now demolished.

The club was a sort of typical floor show first, with the opportunity to go to upstairs to a seating area and have private dances. They called it "Lap Attack" and even had vouchers printed that you bought to pay for "dances"

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 12:05

I have no idea what the Nottingham one was like. All I know is they tried running a club for women with make strippers alongside their one for men, but I don't know if they could get the regular custom.

String fellows in London also had both male and female strippers at one point. Not sure if the male ones were more for gay men/couples/whatever than women though (?)

My friend went and had one off a man.

But they were mixed in with the (many more) women strippers so maybe not an experience some women would want

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 12:14

OMG, the fact they'd even think that women get "reved up" by some numpty in a mankini shows how utterly clueless they are. They're more likely to fall around laughing.

Well, obviously what men hope for and what they get can be two very different things... However, my ex-DH did "get lucky" when I came back home from watching the Magic Mike fillm with friends (which I know isn't quite the same as the real life show, but anyway.)

EarthSight · 26/02/2023 12:18

I think the reason why some women find this is acceptable is because it's a group activity and there's sometimes social pressure to be ok with things.

Just know that strip clubs have a nasty reputation for being very explotative places and that it pretty much goes hand-in-hand with drug use and prostitution.

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 12:26

@TicketBoo23

Yeah cause male dance/strip shows are the same as lsp dances.

The OP is specifically about men who go to clubs as a one -off on a stag, not just those who pay for intimate dances.

And besides, the women at MM-type shows don't exactly watch whilst meekly sipping a cup of tea do they! Some of them are 'badly behaved' towards the men and will try to touch inappropriately, and also some will proposition them for a quickie at the end of the night.

Anyway, I'm not a fan of strip shows/clubs, and have no desire now to go to one, and think to they're pretty seedy and potentially exploitative.... but regarding men who merely enter a club on a stag-do as having committed this unforgivable divorce-worthy sin is really extreme in my opinion.

amylou8 · 26/02/2023 12:38

With a group of mates on a night out wouldn't bother me. A private dance or anything 'extra' would cross the line.

Mark19735 · 26/02/2023 13:31

So if the moral objection is about refusing to condone practices that cause harm, and not wanting to surround yourself with people who are indifferent to that harm, then I do understand the point. It's no different to a vegan stating that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't also a vegan. It's a fair, reasonable and internally consistent moral position. But a tolerant and fair society would surely also require acceptance that any people who don't share such positions nevertheless have an equally valid right to live their lives and chose their relationships based on their values and beliefs, which may include working in, or consuming the services of, the sex for entertainment industry.

QueefQueen80s · 26/02/2023 13:33

Mark19735 · 26/02/2023 13:31

So if the moral objection is about refusing to condone practices that cause harm, and not wanting to surround yourself with people who are indifferent to that harm, then I do understand the point. It's no different to a vegan stating that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't also a vegan. It's a fair, reasonable and internally consistent moral position. But a tolerant and fair society would surely also require acceptance that any people who don't share such positions nevertheless have an equally valid right to live their lives and chose their relationships based on their values and beliefs, which may include working in, or consuming the services of, the sex for entertainment industry.

Spot the bloke 🤢

Mark19735 · 26/02/2023 13:36

Spot the SWERF

matches8 · 26/02/2023 13:36

Mark19735 · 26/02/2023 13:31

So if the moral objection is about refusing to condone practices that cause harm, and not wanting to surround yourself with people who are indifferent to that harm, then I do understand the point. It's no different to a vegan stating that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't also a vegan. It's a fair, reasonable and internally consistent moral position. But a tolerant and fair society would surely also require acceptance that any people who don't share such positions nevertheless have an equally valid right to live their lives and chose their relationships based on their values and beliefs, which may include working in, or consuming the services of, the sex for entertainment industry.

The original question was about tolerance and boundaries within personal relationships so not quite sure what your point is...

Mark19735 · 26/02/2023 13:38

I'd have thought is was quite clear. Setting boundaries is fine, judging others for having different boundaries is not. Have you actually been following the thread?

matches8 · 26/02/2023 13:41

Mark19735 · 26/02/2023 13:38

I'd have thought is was quite clear. Setting boundaries is fine, judging others for having different boundaries is not. Have you actually been following the thread?

I can only count a couple of general judgemental comments. The majority are discussing their standards in relationships. Clearly you've taken the minority as a personal attack though

QueefQueen80s · 26/02/2023 13:43

Of course you can judge others for having boundaries that are damaging to society. Of course people can judge awful things.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/02/2023 13:49

it's a group activity and there's sometimes social pressure to be ok with things

agree , and there is something very yawningly hetero normative in this
Stag,beer ,titty club

id also hope at my age they’d grow out of it frankly

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 13:51

And besides, the women at MM-type shows don't exactly watch whilst meekly sipping a cup of tea do they! Some of them are 'badly behaved' towards the men and will try to touch inappropriately, and also some will proposition them for a quickie at the end of the night.

It is still completely different from strip.clubs with tables dances, couch dances etc. Men can pay for lesbian acts in some strip clubs. The women still go nude, mostly - even if it's pulling knickers down at the end of the "dance" and private dances are always a payment away

Not like a male strip show.

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 13:55

It is still completely different from strip.clubs with tables dances, couch dances etc. Men can pay for lesbian acts in some strip clubs. The women still go nude, mostly - even if it's pulling knickers down at the end of the "dance" and private dances are always a payment away. Not like a male strip show.

Ok, never having been into into one, I didn't really know... Sounds pretty sordid.

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 13:55

@TicketBoo23

By the way, how do you know all this?

MorgansMullet · 26/02/2023 13:56

QueefQueen80s · 26/02/2023 13:43

Of course you can judge others for having boundaries that are damaging to society. Of course people can judge awful things.

This.

This narrative that we have to respect peoples views and be tolerant when our own morals are different is total bullshit. I judge people for what I see as them causing harm. I presume others judge me too. That’s life.