Page 5 | Men in relationships going to strip clubs

daisychain01 · 26/02/2023 06:29

As others have said, I think there's a big difference between seedy person trying to get their rocks off, and being dragged along because someone hadn't tried it and wanted company for a night out.

Being dragged along? What, literally dragged kicking and screaming against their will? Utter bullshit. Either the person being dragged is as thick as mince not to have the ability to think independently for themselves or they're using that as a lame excuse and that also makes them as thick as mince.

C1N1C · 26/02/2023 06:33

Why is this different for women though? I think if you've been to see a male stripper, you're equally sleaze.

OldTinHat · 26/02/2023 06:34

Wouldn't bother me.

Covetthee · 26/02/2023 06:53

I hate when this topic comes up and all the ‘cool’ wives try to pass off the ones who disagree with this as insecure jealous types.

i am very secure in myself but I still don’t condone going to a stripclub for whatever reason. Its gross and sleazy, not a double standard thing either, hate magic mike and waiters in the buff etc as well

why is porn/lap dancing clubs all shoved down our throats as the ‘norm’ for men.. its not, we have just been conditioned to believe it is and we should all just be ok with it. if you have boundaries in your relationship than anyone you’re with should respect that imo.

if you’re fine with your man doing that thats good for you, but please don’t put down other women as insecure etc..

elenacampana · 26/02/2023 07:04

Covetthee · 26/02/2023 06:53

I hate when this topic comes up and all the ‘cool’ wives try to pass off the ones who disagree with this as insecure jealous types.

i am very secure in myself but I still don’t condone going to a stripclub for whatever reason. Its gross and sleazy, not a double standard thing either, hate magic mike and waiters in the buff etc as well

why is porn/lap dancing clubs all shoved down our throats as the ‘norm’ for men.. its not, we have just been conditioned to believe it is and we should all just be ok with it. if you have boundaries in your relationship than anyone you’re with should respect that imo.

if you’re fine with your man doing that thats good for you, but please don’t put down other women as insecure etc..

I’m not a ‘cool wife’, I’m just not bothered.

I find threads like this amusing, so many women who genuinely believe their partners have never been to a strip club and get all up on their high horses about the objectification of women.

MessyJ · 26/02/2023 07:04

That he's parted with cash to enter an establishment to drool over women scantily clad?

Would you feel different if it was free or a friend paid for him?

How do you feel about people paying to watch the new Magic Mike movie?

Covetthee · 26/02/2023 07:19

elenacampana · 26/02/2023 07:04

I’m not a ‘cool wife’, I’m just not bothered.

I find threads like this amusing, so many women who genuinely believe their partners have never been to a strip club and get all up on their high horses about the objectification of women.

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And thats good for you, its the one who always come along and say things like ‘ i’m secure in myself so and i know partner isnt cheating’ meaning those who arent happy are obviously insecure..

like i said im not insecure, i dont condone it, it has caused issues at the begining of my relationship but my husband knows firmly where i stand on this subject now.

CountZacular · 26/02/2023 07:37

elenacampana · 26/02/2023 07:04

I’m not a ‘cool wife’, I’m just not bothered.

I find threads like this amusing, so many women who genuinely believe their partners have never been to a strip club and get all up on their high horses about the objectification of women.

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The fact that you assume all men attend strip clubs says more about your own insecurities tbh. Not all men do.

If you are genuinely ‘not bothered’, then you wouldn’t be trying to paint other women who aren’t interested as hypocrites. Either their partners genuinely don’t attend strip clubs or their partners do and lie, but changes nothing about women disagreeing because they are awful, misogynistic places.

TrishM80 · 26/02/2023 07:54

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 04:55

It’s called growing up and getting older and wiser. At the time I was an idiot and believed I was empowered and that I had a power over the patriarchy (LOL). Now I’m older, I know that’s what the patriarchy want women in my position to think. I wasn’t empowered, I was a stupid teenager. I wish I could be as perfect as you and never made such mistakes, thou holy one.

I am sure there are single mums working in strip clubs who are morally repulsed by them too, but do it as a need for their kid’s survival.

But you keep blaming the women. Those poor, poor men hey.

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Nah, you don't get to profit from strip clubs and then moralise about them after! Millions of female students manage to fund themselves through college through part time work, without resorting to stripping.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 26/02/2023 08:02

CountZacular · 26/02/2023 07:37

The fact that you assume all men attend strip clubs says more about your own insecurities tbh. Not all men do.

If you are genuinely ‘not bothered’, then you wouldn’t be trying to paint other women who aren’t interested as hypocrites. Either their partners genuinely don’t attend strip clubs or their partners do and lie, but changes nothing about women disagreeing because they are awful, misogynistic places.

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I don’t assume all men attend them, would be grateful if you could quote where exactly I said that. I don’t believe all men attend them, but I don’t believe all of these women have partners who are being truthful either. They’re being sanctimonious and high and mighty, including the ex stripper, so their partners probably know this and don’t tell them the truth about the strip club they went to on a stag one time.

People can approach things differently to you, it doesn’t make them hypocrites or ‘cool wives’. I’m genuinely not bothered, my husband has been to them on stag nights. It’s just not a big deal for me… but you carry on making assumptions about anonymous people online and rolling out the usual ‘it says more about you’ lines, when you just don’t know who you’re talking to or the whole picture of their lives and personalities.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/02/2023 08:07

Love Pamela , on Netflix is a good watch in terms of the psyche of many (not all ) women in this sector
i think she (Pamela Anderson ) said most of the women had been abused as kids

as ever there are strong feelings and it’s waste of time arguing and debating it

its a bingo and most answers are predictable

and the usual ‘cool wife ‘ terms been thrown in !!!

CountZacular · 26/02/2023 08:12

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 26/02/2023 08:02

I don’t assume all men attend them, would be grateful if you could quote where exactly I said that. I don’t believe all men attend them, but I don’t believe all of these women have partners who are being truthful either. They’re being sanctimonious and high and mighty, including the ex stripper, so their partners probably know this and don’t tell them the truth about the strip club they went to on a stag one time.

People can approach things differently to you, it doesn’t make them hypocrites or ‘cool wives’. I’m genuinely not bothered, my husband has been to them on stag nights. It’s just not a big deal for me… but you carry on making assumptions about anonymous people online and rolling out the usual ‘it says more about you’ lines, when you just don’t know who you’re talking to or the whole picture of their lives and personalities.

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But you are making assumptions. Why would you believe not all men attend them, but the women who say their partners don’t attend them are wrong? And again, there’s nothing ‘sanctimonious’ or ‘high and mighty’ about objecting to strip clubs even if their partners are shitty people and are attending them and lying. Would I be sanctimonious if I objected to cheating but my partner was secretly cheating on me?

It does say more about you. You are calling women sanctimonious for having their boundaries and trying to suggest they are wrong about their partners. Why?

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 26/02/2023 08:16

CountZacular · 26/02/2023 08:12

But you are making assumptions. Why would you believe not all men attend them, but the women who say their partners don’t attend them are wrong? And again, there’s nothing ‘sanctimonious’ or ‘high and mighty’ about objecting to strip clubs even if their partners are shitty people and are attending them and lying. Would I be sanctimonious if I objected to cheating but my partner was secretly cheating on me?

It does say more about you. You are calling women sanctimonious for having their boundaries and trying to suggest they are wrong about their partners. Why?

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Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t care about this enough to get into a thing with you about it so I’m out. As an assumption of my own, you seem like the type to get the bit between your teeth and be unable to let it go until someone says ‘ahhh yeah, you’re right’ and that’s not going to happen here.

I’m up before the rest of my family and I’m going to enjoy my morning before the chaos descends. I’m sure someone else will be along to hash all this out with you at some point, but I’d rather drink my coffee in peace.

Have fun arguing… you seem like the type to enjoy it 😆

NoraLuka · 26/02/2023 08:18

@AdultHumanFemale the thing is I’m not sure my friend would be cool with it - I’ve not really known her that long and if she doesn’t already know her DP went to a strip club and I tell her it could cause problems between them.

DP definitely knew I wouldn’t be happy, he told me about it weeks after it happened in a kind of fake light hearted way. I should have been angry then, instead I’ve just been stewing on it like ugh, I’m with the kind of bloke who goes to strip clubs.

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 08:23

TrishM80 · 26/02/2023 07:54

Nah, you don't get to profit from strip clubs and then moralise about them after! Millions of female students manage to fund themselves through college through part time work, without resorting to stripping.

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Yes you can. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to grow and learn from past mistakes. Rather sad and extremely narrow minded that you think otherwise, but okay.

And yes, many women do, great for them. I also worked as a waitress and in a fast food chain alongside being a dancer and a full time student to pay international student school fees as well as my rent.

I had no option of a student loan like most other students.

I had no other option, no family to support me. I could not return to my home country. The ONLY way I could pay for my law degree was to do that. It was a choice between working as a dancer and staying at uni or leaving my studies. Of course, if I had the option of being fortunate enough to qualify for a student loan or being able to work a "more moral" job where I could earn enough, then I would have done that. But after spending a year working every shift at macdonalds AND waiting tables, I could only cover my living costs, let alone my tuition fees.

Me doing so has benefited so many people throughout my (legal) career, so I feel no shame or guilt. No regrets because it is who I am and I wouldn't be here today if I didn't.

Attack all you like, not really sure of your issue. Bit weird.

Emmamoo89 · 26/02/2023 08:30

Emptycrackedcup · 26/02/2023 06:26

I'm OK with porn (if I don't know about it), but draw the line at a strip club. I'd rather not know. I'd be really upset

It wouldn't bother me if my partner watched porn. We've watched it together

Vivaleconfused · 26/02/2023 08:33

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/02/2023 08:23

Yes you can. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to grow and learn from past mistakes. Rather sad and extremely narrow minded that you think otherwise, but okay.

And yes, many women do, great for them. I also worked as a waitress and in a fast food chain alongside being a dancer and a full time student to pay international student school fees as well as my rent.

I had no option of a student loan like most other students.

I had no other option, no family to support me. I could not return to my home country. The ONLY way I could pay for my law degree was to do that. It was a choice between working as a dancer and staying at uni or leaving my studies. Of course, if I had the option of being fortunate enough to qualify for a student loan or being able to work a "more moral" job where I could earn enough, then I would have done that. But after spending a year working every shift at macdonalds AND waiting tables, I could only cover my living costs, let alone my tuition fees.

Me doing so has benefited so many people throughout my (legal) career, so I feel no shame or guilt. No regrets because it is who I am and I wouldn't be here today if I didn't.

Attack all you like, not really sure of your issue. Bit weird.

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👏

well done and I agree. no one is the same person they were as a young person and it sounds like you had a tough time but have done well for yourself by working hard.

i wouldn’t be happy if my man visited strip clubs. a one off maybe but not if it was regular

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/02/2023 08:33

Aussiegirl123456

the views are very binary on this topic
and rigid

it’s waste of time engaging
i also did some sex work as a young woman , only stripping
it was an experience ! And I paid off some debts

would I do it again ? No !
do i judge people that do it ? No , never

also not all men that are ‘in it’ are comfortable with it
not all sit there drooling and ask for a private dance

Megifer · 26/02/2023 08:35

NoraLuka · 26/02/2023 05:26

I am interested to see how many posters have said they wouldn’t be ok with it. DP went to a strip club a few months ago and I’ve never felt the same about him since. I didn’t kick off or anything when he told me although I was clear I wasn’t happy. He says they just had one drink then left but tbh just the fact that they were in there is gross.

He doesn’t see the problem and neither do his friends who he was with, although it’s not clear if they told their girlfriends. I’m friends with one of the girlfriends but can’t ask her in case she doesn’t already know.

Oh, id absolutely ask and would give zero shits if that was a relationship grenade.

They all say "it was just one drink", "I found it funny", "I got dragged in", "someone else paid" 🙄

letthatmango · 26/02/2023 08:37

Husband has been invited on stag dos etc to these places, but has always been part of the group of men who choose to miss that bit and meet the others after. He’s never alone in that decision, that’s understood within their friendship groups.

This isn’t because of their wives/partners moaning but because they themselves get the ick and think it’s grim.

I’d be grossed out if he didn’t share my view of these places.

AdultHumanFemale · 26/02/2023 08:53

Trish, what are you talking about?
"Nah, you don't get to profit from strip clubs and then moralise about them after!"
What's your skin in this? Are you concerned about 'calling out' some kind of hypocrisy? Isn't the real problem that many men feel entitled to access women's bodies in exchange for money. Consent cannot be bought. There is no sex work; it is a euphemism to paper over this truth. Apologists for this form of misogyny will defend it vigorously.
"Millions of female students manage to fund themselves through college through part time work, without resorting to stripping." So you do view it as 'resorting to', ie to adopt an extreme or undesirable course of action in order to resolve a difficult situation.
Not such a great option after all.
You can't have it both ways either, in that case.
Like Aussie (whose insights have been thoughtfully expressed -thank you), I worked several jobs, all hours, for a pittance, fitting work around a full timetable with a high expectation of extracurricular commitment and hefty overheads related to my course; not every undergraduate or postgraduate course is History or Classics with few contact hours.

And the only shame is the shame of the sex class that tells itself it's OK to buy vulnerable women's bodies.

chazlive · 26/02/2023 10:32

elenacampana · 26/02/2023 07:04

I’m not a ‘cool wife’, I’m just not bothered.

I find threads like this amusing, so many women who genuinely believe their partners have never been to a strip club and get all up on their high horses about the objectification of women.

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Are you suggesting that most men have been to a strip club? I haven't and neither have most of my friends. It's the exception among my peers to have been to one.

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 10:42

TicketBoo23 · 25/02/2023 20:08

Aside from all the issues above; I find that men who.dk this would never ... In a month of Sundays ... Be ok with their partners doing the equivalent.

So it's the double standards and hypocrisy and total lack of empathy (and often deception, even if it's by omission) that's the issue as well.

That's not my experience at all! Most men don't give a dam about their partners going to Magic Mike or the equivalent. Actually, they seem to be quite up for it, in the hope it will rev them up so they'll want a shag when they get back!

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 10:50

Tuilpmouse · 26/02/2023 10:42

That's not my experience at all! Most men don't give a dam about their partners going to Magic Mike or the equivalent. Actually, they seem to be quite up for it, in the hope it will rev them up so they'll want a shag when they get back!

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Yeah cause male dance/strip shows are the same as lsp dances.

🙄.

If it was the same level of nudity & contact as a lap dance, let alone a private dance ..... different story entirely.

(Not to mention some lapdancing clubs even in the UK and definitely abroad overlap with brothels/brothel type devices)..

And as for most men being ok with even dance/strip shows, haven't seen that either.

And as for them being glad their partners are "revved up" from them, I've seriously never seen a woman to date truly turned on by strip/dance shows. They go for different reasons. So if their partners assume they are, they'd probably be wrong, they'd be projecting typical male sexuality onto women.

TicketBoo23 · 26/02/2023 10:51

*services, not devices