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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband infiltrated group Whatsapp

211 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/02/2023 22:46

I'm on a group Whatsapp with three other friends. I had a phone call from one of them asking if I was free on a particular date and I'm not, we chatted about other possibilities and I've got loads on so she suggested I let them all know when I wasn't available to work around it, so I did.

A message appeared tonight clearly written by one friend's husband. Three of us are single.

He started off trying to wind me up about football as he supports a rival team and he's obsessed. They've come home from holiday early so he doesn't miss a game. The message went on suggesting I'm not a proper supporter because I don't hold a season ticket and suggesting I've not been to the matches since 1999 which is untrue. (The reason I couldn't make one date is I'm going to football with another friend) The message goes on:

You have never bothered since 1999.Why change habits of so long .Much more enjoyable lunching with M, S and W. Maybe they have some important dates too? Compromise is usually best as it could get tricky if there are 4 lists?

This sounds like I'm expecting everyone to work around me and I'm not. But what it has to do with him I've no idea I'm not at all happy he's muscling in on group Whatsapp chat! He's somehow got hold of her phone. It's definitely him not her.

I'm not sure what I'm going to say, it's bloody bizarre.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/02/2023 22:53

Message your friend or call her outside of the chat and tell her what's going on...regarding her husband.

HyacinthineMacaw · 06/02/2023 22:53

I’d write back and say ‘Fuck off, Neil. The little ladies are quite capable of managing their own diaries and relationships without a man interfering. I’m sure Deidre doesn’t need you to intervene to rescue her from the nasty women. Now get back in your shed’.

Cock.

Gulpy · 06/02/2023 22:55

HyacinthineMacaw · 06/02/2023 22:53

I’d write back and say ‘Fuck off, Neil. The little ladies are quite capable of managing their own diaries and relationships without a man interfering. I’m sure Deidre doesn’t need you to intervene to rescue her from the nasty women. Now get back in your shed’.

Cock.

😂 😂 😂

U1sce · 06/02/2023 22:57

Id completely ignore him, but also see if your friend knows he has her phone and is using it. I hate when people do that type of thing, its a real boundary issue

MrNook · 06/02/2023 22:59

What a weirdo!

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/02/2023 23:01

MrNook · 06/02/2023 22:59

What a weirdo!

He really is.

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 06/02/2023 23:02

How Patronising! Also it raises red flags about his behaviour towards his wife if he thought it ok, that's very controlling

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2023 23:04

I would definitely be telling your friend, and I would make it clear that you don't appreciate it or find it funny. I'd be furious with my husband if he did this, but the again he wouldn't because he's not a fucking idiot.

007DoubleOSeven · 06/02/2023 23:04

HyacinthineMacaw · 06/02/2023 22:53

I’d write back and say ‘Fuck off, Neil. The little ladies are quite capable of managing their own diaries and relationships without a man interfering. I’m sure Deidre doesn’t need you to intervene to rescue her from the nasty women. Now get back in your shed’.

Cock.

This

Eyerollcentral · 06/02/2023 23:05

Text back and say I can see you struggle with social skills but this is a private group, pls bog off and get your own pals. My friend has a husband like this. Infiltrates allll her friendship groups. He is a controlling arse

ZaphodDent · 06/02/2023 23:06

Some people really take their football obsession to another level. If only they knew how boring they sound.

Cutting short a holiday so he doesn't miss a game and then lecturing you on compromise?

What a CF!

Marblessolveeverything · 06/02/2023 23:08

I would just be a little on alert, as this could indicate your friend is in a coercive realtionship.

Maybe speak to your friend before the rightly deserved response, something might be off.

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/02/2023 23:09

Marblessolveeverything · 06/02/2023 23:08

I would just be a little on alert, as this could indicate your friend is in a coercive realtionship.

Maybe speak to your friend before the rightly deserved response, something might be off.

Now you mention it she didn't come out for my birthday because of him.

OP posts:
XanaduKira · 06/02/2023 23:15

HyacinthineMacaw · 06/02/2023 22:53

I’d write back and say ‘Fuck off, Neil. The little ladies are quite capable of managing their own diaries and relationships without a man interfering. I’m sure Deidre doesn’t need you to intervene to rescue her from the nasty women. Now get back in your shed’.

Cock.

This! I'd leave the cock in too.

Tinkerbyebye · 06/02/2023 23:16

I would contact your friend by phone and tell her. I would be telling her not to let him on it again, or show him any messages

Marblessolveeverything · 06/02/2023 23:16

Unfortunately I think it is very common. Don't rise to his bait keep it light. Meanwhile if you feel it's appropriate try talking to your friend to let her know there is support.

It took my friend a decade to eventually leave an abusive realtionship. We now can identify a lot of times where the dh manipulated her to try separate her from friends or supports.

Banterbusdriver · 06/02/2023 23:22

Why are you engaging with him in the chat?

Every now and then someone's bf/husband drunkenly nicks a friend's phone and posts in our friendship group chat, and they always get a resounding series of "fuck off Dave" until normal service is resumed.

blackbeardsballsack · 06/02/2023 23:30

As if a man infiltrated a WhatsApp group that is nothing to do with him to mansplain lunch arrangements and compromise.

Zonder · 06/02/2023 23:31

Maybe she has no idea he's written. Strange bloke.

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 06/02/2023 23:33

Oh pfffft, it's nowt to do with him.
My eyes would be rolling so hard reading that!
I think I'd just go with the ignoring him option.

WinnieFosterReads · 06/02/2023 23:33

What's everyone else replied? Because if there was an odd message like that on our group WA, there wouldn't be time for a thread on MN before everyone had replied.

Teaandtoast3 · 06/02/2023 23:38

How’s he managed this?

MrsFrugal · 06/02/2023 23:41

HyacinthineMacaw · 06/02/2023 22:53

I’d write back and say ‘Fuck off, Neil. The little ladies are quite capable of managing their own diaries and relationships without a man interfering. I’m sure Deidre doesn’t need you to intervene to rescue her from the nasty women. Now get back in your shed’.

Cock.

Howling, absolutely brilliant 👏

FlimFlamBam · 06/02/2023 23:42

Do not answer it gives attention and speak to your friend.

Eyerollcentral · 06/02/2023 23:45

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 06/02/2023 23:09

Now you mention it she didn't come out for my birthday because of him.

Show quote history

Controlling arse confirmed. Can you have a chat w her face to face alone?

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