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Original poster

New boyfriend and how he responded when I cancelled plans due to being sick

214 replies

Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 19:54

Could someone give me some perspective on this-
My boyfriend of 7 months has made plans today to go to the pub this afternoon with his friends. I too was going, some of his friends were bringing their partners and some weren’t.
I haven’t been well past few days with a headache, just been coming and going and I haven’t been sleeping well. Today is the first day in a number of weeks my children are with their dad. I was looking forward to going out, got my hair done etc. woke up this morning feeling awful, sore head, sore ear and exhausted.
Boyfriend new I hadn’t been feeling well. I told him I wouldn’t make it out today that I needed to rest (kids will be back tomorrow).
he was annoyed and said I wasn’t making the effort. He was extra annoyed that I went to the shop (to get painkillers and collect a parcel from same shop) when I couldn’t go to meet them at the pub to watch the match. Was I really out of order? He said if I was so sick why haven’t I called the doctor and that he didn’t believe me when I said I had taken some painkillers. I tried to explain there is a big difference to nipping to the shopping and sitting in the pub all day

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 04/02/2023 19:55

Red flag. Any decent person would be concerned that you were ill, not carrying on like this.

cansu · 04/02/2023 19:55

Is he in charge of you? Tell him to jog on.

Original poster
Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 19:56

I get I wasn’t the sickest person in the world but I feel like I really need to rest today or it’ll just get worse

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2023 19:56

If you have any sense at all you will be dumping immediately. By text and then blocking. What a fucking wanker.

GCAcademic · 04/02/2023 19:58

He’s also pretty bloody thick if he can’t understand the difference between popping to the shop for painkillers and boozing in a pub when you’ve got a bad head and ear pain.

Dontknownow86 · 04/02/2023 19:58

He didn't believe you???? This is a massive red flag to me. Why on earth would he suggest you are lying about taking painkillers? He sounds quite controlling I would be concerned.

User3456 · 04/02/2023 20:00

YANBU OP. Hope you feel better soon.

imnotthatkindofmum · 04/02/2023 20:02

It doesn't even matter if you're I'll or not or how I'll you are. If you don't feel like going you don't have to.

Zanatdy · 04/02/2023 20:04

Well he would be straight in the dump pile.

FenghuangHoyan · 04/02/2023 20:04

Your boyfriend sounds immature and selfish to be honest.

AlisonDonut · 04/02/2023 20:05

He is deluded and this is a complete red flag that you need to take notice of.

Seaweed42 · 04/02/2023 20:05

Well, he's a manchild who thinks of himself first.
The Homer Simpson response 'how does this affect ME?'
Rather than, oh dear the other person isn't well and what's that like for them.
So yeah, a lack of empathy.
And a tantrum when things don't go his way.

doitwithlove · 04/02/2023 20:08

What is his problem!!! You are not allowed to feel unwell. Dumping and blocking would be my way forward.

The least he could have said is "no problem at all, I'm happy to give the game a miss if it helps.

Hope you feel better soon 💐

category12 · 04/02/2023 20:08

Well he's shown you an important side of himself. I wouldn't ignore it.

Reugny · 04/02/2023 20:08

When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.

Maya Angelou lived through a lot so believe her red flag warning and put him back in that sea.

GroggyLegs · 04/02/2023 20:09

Immediate ick.

Acceptable responses would primarily show concern and ask if you needed anything.

I wouldn't expect him to cancel his plans to come over or look after me, but bonus points for offering (I'd graciously decline).

The only justification for his behaviour is if you've pulled a sickie on the last 3 occasions or whatever that he'd tried to get you out with his friends.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 04/02/2023 20:09

He sounds like a prick.

Who calls the doctor for such things? You do as you have and take painkillers znd try and sleep it off.

He should be concerned and asking if you need anything, not be calling you a liar.

He is not a keeper. Bin him off and find yourself someone who deserves you.

Hope you're better soon. I've had something similar and it lasted a week.

Rollingaroundinmud · 04/02/2023 20:10

He didn’t offer to cook and help make you feel better. Selfish arse

EVHead · 04/02/2023 20:10

Yep. Back in the sea. Who the fuck does he think he is, speaking to a grown woman like that?!

Stardu · 04/02/2023 20:12

Dump him. He was more interested in showing you off to his friends than he was in your welfare and feelings. A man like that is incapable of making you happy.

He’s got you feeling that you need to justify exactly how ill you were? Can you see how fucked up that is?

MichaelAndEagle · 04/02/2023 20:14

He's telling you he expects you to put him first, even above yourself.
I'd take notice if I was you. There will be more of this.

SunflowerTed · 04/02/2023 20:14

There’s probably more to this. What’s the bigger picture? Do you often try and get out of socialising with his friends?

Original poster
Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 20:17

No I think from memory this is the first time I’ve cancelled. And I actually am unwell. I don’t often get out so was looking forward to it

OP posts:
SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 04/02/2023 20:18

SunflowerTed · 04/02/2023 20:14

There’s probably more to this. What’s the bigger picture? Do you often try and get out of socialising with his friends?

There's probably more to your post. What's the bigger picture? Do you often ask inappropriate questions for no good reason?

Temporaryname158 · 04/02/2023 20:18

Dump him, he doesn’t care about you and is making you feel guilty. Nobody calls the doctor for a head ache!! He needs to grow up but can do that elsewhere, get rid.