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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New boyfriend and how he responded when I cancelled plans due to being sick

214 replies

Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 19:54

Could someone give me some perspective on this-
My boyfriend of 7 months has made plans today to go to the pub this afternoon with his friends. I too was going, some of his friends were bringing their partners and some weren’t.
I haven’t been well past few days with a headache, just been coming and going and I haven’t been sleeping well. Today is the first day in a number of weeks my children are with their dad. I was looking forward to going out, got my hair done etc. woke up this morning feeling awful, sore head, sore ear and exhausted.
Boyfriend new I hadn’t been feeling well. I told him I wouldn’t make it out today that I needed to rest (kids will be back tomorrow).
he was annoyed and said I wasn’t making the effort. He was extra annoyed that I went to the shop (to get painkillers and collect a parcel from same shop) when I couldn’t go to meet them at the pub to watch the match. Was I really out of order? He said if I was so sick why haven’t I called the doctor and that he didn’t believe me when I said I had taken some painkillers. I tried to explain there is a big difference to nipping to the shopping and sitting in the pub all day

OP posts:
2bazookas · 04/02/2023 20:19

BIG red flag.

I'd have expected him to offer to go to the shop to get my painkillers and parcel, ask if there was anything else I needed, show some concern and sympathy, and be gentle and kind because I wasn't well.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/02/2023 20:21

This is exactly how I've been feeling the last few days and all I want to do is sleep. He's being a dick.

Nagado · 04/02/2023 20:29

There’s a brilliant piece of advice about seeing who someone really is by their reaction when you say ‘no’ to them. Your boyfriend has shown you that he’s a sulky arsehole when you don’t go along with what he wants.

I’m not saying he should have cancelled his plans to come and feed you chicken soup, but to not even tell you to rest and ask you if there’s anything you need, is just not good enough. Treating you nicely is an absolute basic requirement for a partner. He’s just accused you of lying to him about being ill. He is not a nice man.

PopGoesTheProsecco · 04/02/2023 20:29

Sorry OP he sounds like a knob. His behaviour is a huge red flag.

GhostsJulianforPrimeMinister · 04/02/2023 20:34

Nah that would be a big no no, you are unwell you don't have to justify anything and he should be saying is there anything he can do to help etc rather than being a massive bell end.
Imagine a few years in how little he'd give a shit if he acts like this in the honeymoon period.

winterbegone · 04/02/2023 20:35

He is a knob, if he cared he would of offered to pop over and check if you needed anything / or leave you to get better rather than thinking about himself.

Wombats67 · 04/02/2023 20:37

I was ill when I was supposed to be having my first date with my now DH. He stayed in with me and we've now been happily married for years.

I'm often overwhelmed in social situations, so someone adding anxiety for me would be a massive no.

Tell him to do one.

Scarydinosaurs · 04/02/2023 20:38

Absolutely no way should you overlook this. Huge huge early indicator of later issues. Chuck this one back.

considerablycuntierthanyou · 04/02/2023 20:40

He doesn't seem to care about you.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/02/2023 20:42

I’d not like that
your a single mum ffs
and it’s peak getting sick season
id send a frosty response and he should apologise and check your ok

probably won’t
twat

Original poster
Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 20:50

Thanks for all your replies.
I’ve spent the day trying to justify how sick I am. And felt bad as if I am overreacting.
he hasn’t once asked how I am

OP posts:
jimmyjammy001 · 04/02/2023 20:51

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 04/02/2023 20:18

There's probably more to your post. What's the bigger picture? Do you often ask inappropriate questions for no good reason?

Show quote history

I don't think there is, usually we only here one side of the story so people ask questions that then lead to other details which have been left out, OP may have cancelled before and BF is annoyed, OP allready said she doesn't get much free time due to kids, the new BF probs just annoyed, cause can't spend time together, but then again he should realise that someone with kids isn't going to have the same amount of free time or lifestyle as him so really has himself to blame if that is the case

Wombats67 · 04/02/2023 20:52

It sounds like he's trained you up to put his needs first...definitely not ok.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2023 20:53

Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 20:50

Thanks for all your replies.
I’ve spent the day trying to justify how sick I am. And felt bad as if I am overreacting.
he hasn’t once asked how I am

Why on earth are you trying to justify anything to this fuckwit? Are your standards really this low? He should be a distant memory by now.

Spottycarousel · 04/02/2023 20:55

Control freak alert.

I would end it now. He's making it all about him. This is early days and if he can't show concern now this doesn't bode well.

pigpinkstockings · 04/02/2023 20:55

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2023 19:56

If you have any sense at all you will be dumping immediately. By text and then blocking. What a fucking wanker.

This. Get rid, he should have got your medicine and looked after you. Bin him.

DestinysGrandchild · 04/02/2023 20:58

Ill or not, you didn't feel like you were up for it. He sounds like a control freak. Get rid. You shouldn't have to explain yourself.

BMW6 · 04/02/2023 21:01

Fuck Off twat is what you need to say to this fool.

bobbytorq · 04/02/2023 21:05

Absolutely get rid.

blackbeardsballsack · 04/02/2023 21:07

He's acting like he had tickets for some special event that will now be going to waste, rather than watching the football in the local pub. It's not even like he isn't going, so what's his problem?

Nottodaysausage · 04/02/2023 21:08

This is how he will be every time he doesn't get his own way OP. He won't improve.

Justalittlebitduckling · 04/02/2023 21:10

He should have been offering to pick up the painkillers for you and dropping them round. I’m sorry OP but he doesn’t trust you and he doesn’t care about you.

Emmamoo89 · 04/02/2023 21:10

YANBU. Dump him. Hope you feel better soon. X

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 04/02/2023 21:10

Bestbuys4 · 04/02/2023 20:50

Thanks for all your replies.
I’ve spent the day trying to justify how sick I am. And felt bad as if I am overreacting.
he hasn’t once asked how I am

Total prick. He has shown not one iota of concern for you, only for himself and his set idea of plans.

Bin him. By text. Tell him why.

Scout2016 · 04/02/2023 21:11

No of course YANBU. Going to a pub to watch football and meet a load of people when you feel ill isn't going to appeal to anyone! Rest while you can and hope you feel better soon.

Your boyfriend really doesn't sound like a keeper. He's not suggesting you see a doctor because he thinks it might be serious is he, he's just being a dick and trying to catch you out and make you feel even more shit. If he's thought about your feelings at all...