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Relationships

How much access do you and partner have to each other’s phones

194 replies

Rockingchai · 24/01/2023 07:03

I am in a long distance relationship of 14 months. I absolutely trust my boyfriend to be faithful. However I have noticed he is very anxious about me using his phone, ie if if I ask if I can look at photos he has taken of a day out together - he will hand his phone over but hover anxiously watching as I look.

I have noticed this a few times but not mentioned it yet, though I probably will feel driven to say something at some stage.

I do feel there must be something on his phone he’s worried about me seeing. I have thought - dating apps? But honestly I do not feel suspicious at all he is seeing or wants to see other people. Could be porn, I know he watches occasionally. Could be that he has talked about me in messages and doesn’t want me to read, or thinks I will be offended at “jokes” sent in his friends’ WhatsApp groups. Could be anything and I will probably never find out.

My relationship with my ex had its problems but we did have free access to each others’ phones and this phone anxiety on the part of my boyfriend makes me feel sad.

How much access do you and your partner give each other to your phones?

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Binfluencer · 24/01/2023 07:06

None because I like my privacy. My conversations with my friends are private. I wouldn't have an issue with him using my phone briefly but he never needs to.

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LolaMoon · 24/01/2023 07:08

My partner and I do not look at each other's phones- we trust each other and we are together most of the time anyway. I have a private diary on mine where I journal my feelings. I have a right to do that without feeling someone can read it and I would consider it a massive breach of trust if he were to look at my phone. I have never cheated on him so its not as if that is my motive. My feeling is- if someone wants to cheat they will find a way, a phone wont stop them. Many cheaters get cheap burner phones to conduct affairs etc

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lippylippy · 24/01/2023 07:08

None. I feel no need to look and neither does he it seems.

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Tricolette · 24/01/2023 07:10

My dh has a cheap phone that gets full with 8 text messages.
I have a smart phone and if my dh wanted to look at anything on it I would have to hover because he wouldn’t know how to work it and would get stuck. But there’s nothing on it he can’t see if he wants.

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Outtasteamandluck · 24/01/2023 07:11

I don't have access to his and he doesn't have access to mine.

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MortimerTheCat · 24/01/2023 07:14

We don’t look at each others phones, but know each others PIN codes. The odd occasion if one phone is closer who ever will just the other ones to google something or whatever

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Toddlingturtle · 24/01/2023 07:14

None. It’s his phone not mine and I have no need to access if. He has no access to mine. I have nothing of any interest whatsoever on it but it’s absolutely none of his business and I will never allow anyone to access it or expect to access theirs

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Whyarewehardofthinking · 24/01/2023 07:14

Total access but we also never check up on each other. When we get a new phone we add each others thumb print and know login details but neither of us would actively check. Nothing is a secret but we would also both respect privacy, especially in things like WhatsApp.

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OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 24/01/2023 07:17

Full access. We both know each others PINs. No reason to use it usually but will if I needed (1 phone out of battery to look something up).

Again, we won't usually but will answer each others phone (in the shower etc...)

My life isn't interesting enough to have anything to hide.

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PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 24/01/2023 07:17

Free access. We don't use mobile phones much - occasional calls, texts, photos and satnav - so it doesn't feel any different from both of us using the same landline.

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CatNamedBob · 24/01/2023 07:17

We have each others thumb print registered and may occasionally borrow the other's phone to send a nice photo of the DC to our own phone. I would never read his messages or anything and he wouldn't read mine.

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Abcdefgh1234 · 24/01/2023 07:17

Total access to anything in his life from phone to bank account but i rarely see his phone as i really trust him. He tell me all his pin and all password for his email too. In the contrary i dont tell him anything. I dont mind to tell him but he never ask or i never ask him to open his email. He always ask me to check his email for him thats why i know hos password and everything

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Tiffan · 24/01/2023 07:18

None. I don't like DH using my phone, not because there's anything incriminating, but just because it's private.
I look up random stuff all the time, I take selfies, I'm on here. I don't want a conversation about any of them.
I find wanting to have access to your partner's phone a bit weird.

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HeddaGarbled · 24/01/2023 07:22

None at all.

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MichelleScarn · 24/01/2023 07:24

Would happily let him use it, but he has much more respect for my (and my friends/family) to browse it!
Is that what you want to do as you've mentioned looking at Internet history and WhatsApp?

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WandaWonder · 24/01/2023 07:24

I help dh with his phone sometimes if he asks or I ask him or show him something on my phone, other than that zero interest in each other's phones

No offence to any one but I find phones other than my own boring

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Noicant · 24/01/2023 07:26

We have each others pass codes, but don’t look at each others phones. There’s nothing particularly interesting on either.

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Zanatdy · 24/01/2023 07:26

None, but early stages of relationship. I wouldn’t be expecting any access though and I wouldn’t want him accessing mine. Nothing untoward on there but I want my privacy

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RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 24/01/2023 07:28

Full, have PINs, but never look.

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MissyB1 · 24/01/2023 07:28

Total free access but we have been married 15 years and are in our mid 50s - nothing exciting on our phones 😂

We often borrow each other’s phones to look something up or find an email or whatever, neither of us thinks anything of it.

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Skyeheather · 24/01/2023 07:28

None - I don't know his password and he doesn't know mine.

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whatyoulookingfor · 24/01/2023 07:30

He has told me his pin a few times so I can look something up but I've never felt the need to try to remember it. He uses my phone occasionally but doesn't know the pin (I've told him it but he forgets). If he uses mine I hover too because I have private things on my phone, nothing that is incriminating but things like conversations with my sisters who might be having a tough time etc.

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FluffyFlower · 24/01/2023 07:31

No access whatsoever and no reason why either of us would want it.

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notacooldad · 24/01/2023 07:32

We dont need to use each others phone generally.
However if dh is out of the room and the phone rings I'll answer it for him. He is not precious about it. If my battery is dying he'll let me use his phone to Google, Mn whatever. No issues.
I havent got any private conversations on email, text WhatsApp etc. Pretty boring stuff really so no worries around privacy.
I should know his pin but every time I use his phone I always ask ' does your pass code start with a 7 or 9, or is it 6! Dh is always 🙄 How many times have I told you!!!🤣

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LolaMoon · 24/01/2023 07:32

Tiffan · 24/01/2023 07:18

None. I don't like DH using my phone, not because there's anything incriminating, but just because it's private.
I look up random stuff all the time, I take selfies, I'm on here. I don't want a conversation about any of them.
I find wanting to have access to your partner's phone a bit weird.

These are my thoughts exactly. It kind of bothers me that there is an assumption that not allowing phone access automatically = something dodgy. I have conversations on there with my friends about their private issues, a personal journal, goal setting, notes, etc. wanting to maintain a level or privacy for those reasons is perfectly reasonable and there is nothing suspicious about it.

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