How much access do you and partner have to each other’s phones

[Rockingchai]

I am in a long distance relationship of 14 months. I absolutely trust my boyfriend to be faithful. However I have noticed he is very anxious about me using his phone, ie if if I ask if I can look at photos he has taken of a day out together - he will hand his phone over but hover anxiously watching as I look.

I have noticed this a few times but not mentioned it yet, though I probably will feel driven to say something at some stage.

I do feel there must be something on his phone he’s worried about me seeing. I have thought - dating apps? But honestly I do not feel suspicious at all he is seeing or wants to see other people. Could be porn, I know he watches occasionally. Could be that he has talked about me in messages and doesn’t want me to read, or thinks I will be offended at “jokes” sent in his friends’ WhatsApp groups. Could be anything and I will probably never find out.

My relationship with my ex had its problems but we did have free access to each others’ phones and this phone anxiety on the part of my boyfriend makes me feel sad.

How much access do you and your partner give each other to your phones?

To the OP: my husband lets me have full access to his phone. Can I trust him? I thought so until i realised that he'd been fucking deleting everything. Still had an affiair.

Phone...no phone...trust comes down many things.

We have each others passcodes but never look.

I personally like some privacy, so although I don’t mind him been able to go in my phone I really like that he doesn’t bother! It’s a bit like how I don’t lock the toilet door when I have a poo, but I’m thankful he never chooses to walk in!!! I’m not doing anything ‘wrong’, I just like space.

I like privacy. I don't allow my partner on my phone.

Can anyone here be honest and explain exactly why, other than "the principle" they wouldn't want their partner to have full access to every message sent, every bank transaction, purchaser, photo taken? I can only imagine that they are disrespecting their partners by taking Abbott them behind their back, spending money on things their partner would not approve of or looking at our using websites their partner would be (probably rightly) unhappy about. I'm a sociable guy online and have a good number of very long standing online friends, (some I've met, many I haven't, some I will or hope it plan to, some I'm unlikely to be able to, some I might not want to) many going back 10-15 years, mainly women, all with similar creative interests (music, writing, painting) or similar employment background, family oriented, other interests, etc . I have never written or said anything online that I wouldn't want my wife to read hence no problem in her having access to anything and everything on my devices. I really can't think why anyone wouldn't give their partners access to their devices - In assuming you share the most intimate and personal thoughts, bodily fluids, etc so why not your bank statements, WhatsApp/Signal/Telegram/Messenger messages, and phone contacts and calls, etc why is that privacy so important? I really don't get it.

@larkstar I can hand on heart say that there is not one single thing on any account, email, text or piece of social media which I would want to hide, I just don’t think that my partner needs to go through my phone. There are some boundaries in a relationship and this is one of them.

Full access. If he was bored he might sit and look at my photos say in case I had any good ones I'd forgotten to send him. I might check his emails to look up tickets he's booked or delivery info for something he's ordered that he hasn't sent me.
It's nothing to do with checking up on each other or being suspicious, that's a relationship problem nothing to do with phones.
Using each other's phones is just an easiness thing. Similarly we have location tracking both for safety and because it's easier than texting are you nearly home yet.

You've explained nothing. What is the boundary for? What is on the other side of the boundary? What is it that is hidden exactly? Can't you give any examples? Have you not shared your deepest fears, your most private thoughts, been totally naked in every sense of the word, in front of your one real partner in life? I've seen my wife give birth, seen her, at other times very frightened, very ill, very angry, very sad, embarrassed, humiliated, anxious - I've seen her at her most vulnerable moments - the reverse is true - what purpose would any barrier serve? Is there any aspect of ourselves that has not already been seen or that we would be embarrassed to reveal? We've seen each other at our worst moments and at our worst - what is the to hide? I still don't get it.

We know each other's pin code but I don't need his phone or him mine

We show each other things sometimes or help each other with something but I have zero interest in what he does on his and I presume him with mine

If he wanted to know I would find that odd

Well we are married we have full access to each others phones, kids too.