How much access do you and partner have to each other’s phones

[Rockingchai]

I am in a long distance relationship of 14 months. I absolutely trust my boyfriend to be faithful. However I have noticed he is very anxious about me using his phone, ie if if I ask if I can look at photos he has taken of a day out together - he will hand his phone over but hover anxiously watching as I look.

I have noticed this a few times but not mentioned it yet, though I probably will feel driven to say something at some stage.

I do feel there must be something on his phone he’s worried about me seeing. I have thought - dating apps? But honestly I do not feel suspicious at all he is seeing or wants to see other people. Could be porn, I know he watches occasionally. Could be that he has talked about me in messages and doesn’t want me to read, or thinks I will be offended at “jokes” sent in his friends’ WhatsApp groups. Could be anything and I will probably never find out.

My relationship with my ex had its problems but we did have free access to each others’ phones and this phone anxiety on the part of my boyfriend makes me feel sad.

How much access do you and your partner give each other to your phones?

Total access. If he runs out of data he will use mine and vice versa. We both have laptops, total access to those too. I suppose that's because neither of us has anything to hide. The only time we're a bit clucky about them is the run up to xmas/birthdays in case we get wind of what prezzies have been ordered online.

We don't normally use each other's phones but he has on occasion asked me to reply to someone if he's busy or to set up his gps. And it's always lying around in the open. I remember he once gave me his password in the initial stages of dating when he was driving and needed me to call someone. He's never needed to use my phone but I have handed it to him on occasion to set something up or edit my photos.

I'm a big believer in privacy though and don't share passwords or use his phone as it were mine or vice versa.

If I want to use my dh’s phone then I could and he wouldn’t object which works the other way as well but would I would object to and I’m sure the same goes for him is if he wanted to go through my messages, my messages that I send to friends or my sister are private and he has no right to read them. I’m not having an affair but I don’t want someone else going through my phone and I’m sure he would be pretty pissed off if he caught be nosing through his as well.

I think if you trust him then do just that until he gives you a reason to be suspicious.

None - although we know the pin codes for each other’s phones, and have no issues if he needed mine for anything or vice versa.

'Can you send me the photos from today?' Works just as well.

I don't like anybody on my phone, a message might pop up and I'm a very private person.

In this age of technology, nobody needs to use another person's phone for anything, I've never had to 🤷🏽‍♀️

We know each others codes (not that I can ever remember DHs) and the phones are often left lying around the house wherever we happen to leave them when we are doing something else, but, to be honest, we never use or look at each others, there’s never been any need, we just tend to air drop photos together or when we think the other would appreciate a picture we have taken to one another 🤷‍♀️.

None. No specific reason as never discussed, but in many (20+)years of phone ownership it has never occurred to either of us to look at the other's phone.

I wouldn't want you going through my photos either whether they're of you both or not.. they are private.. just ask him to send them to you ..

We often use each others phones if one phone is in the other room and we want to Google something. We don’t go through private messages or anything like that, but normal use, yes.

Coming up to 8 years and me and my partner have never had issues with our phones. I would never sneakily look through his phone I have no reason to and same for him. But if his phones there I’ll use it to call mine if I’ve lost it, take a picture or look at the time etc and he doesn’t care. He doesnt even care if I go onto his WhatsApp to message someone (if he’s asked me to) or anything like that it’s totally open. Would find it weird if he hovered over me and feel awkward if he has nothing to hide.

None at all

We have full access to each others phones and passcode if needed but we never normally do unless one of us is driving and we need information! We show each other stuff on our phones if we think something is funny or relevant to a conversation we are having but we definitely don’t secretly look whilst the other one is away from their phone and nor do we hover if we are for whatever reason using each others phone

We know each others passcodes etc but would always ask first on the rare occasion we actually needed to use the others phone.

We’re on the same Apple ID so all photos automatically go onto each others phones.

I did have to show him how to turn off auto -save in WhatsApp because all the filth that his sports team send to their group chat kept ending up on my phone lol.

We’ve been together 27 years so no secrets here, just boring married people.

We know each others PINS and will occasionally use each other for ordering a takeaway etc, but apart from that we never go near each others phones. No need.

We don’t look at each other’s phone’s but we do occasionally use each other’s phones.

Reasons for doing so are varied. One of us has forgotten our phone, there’s no battery left, or might need to use an app that the other has, or no phone signal on one but on the other etc.

We have our own phones, why would I look at his? That said I know the unlock code and he knows mine for emergencies and from setting Spotify in the car. We have no secrets

Loads, I don’t see the point being in a relationship if you’re that private you get pissy about them using your phone.

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend too. It does take a bit of trust to make it work
We leave our phones lying about when we're with each other and both know each others PIN codes in case of an emergency. I wouldn't dream of looking at his phone and as far as I know he's never looked at mine.

Phones, not phone’s.

As much as we like, no passcodes. Wouldn’t bother. ebay pages of hi-fi and cables are pretty dull 🤣

No access to each other’s phones. I’ve got my own, I don’t need to use his. He knows my passcode and I know his, and no issues with using each other’s to take a photo etc.

I tend to see trust as it simply never occurring to either of you to check up on the other.

It’s not giving access and providing full transparency from my perspective. It’s not needing any access at all because you simply trust the other person. Feeling that you need to be able to check indicates some lack of trust to me.

If you don’t trust your partner, then there’s an issue. Being able to check up on them doesn’t address the issue. Often it makes it worse.

He offered to give me his phone password not long after we first got together but I didn't want it because everyone deserves some privacy. Neither of us would be with someone we didn't trust (though I don't want him on my phone because I don't want him finding out my weight, or how much I spend on Vinted - got to have some mystery)

I have access to DHs phone and he does to me. For example if one is driving or in the shower and gets a text, the other will read it or pick up the call if it's ringing and the other person isn't in the room. We both leave our phones unattended around each other.

I don't look through DHs phone though unless he asks me to, I don't feel the need.

None. If Dh shows me a picture, video, WhatsApp I look at that only. Why would I look at anything else.