How much access do you and partner have to each other’s phones

[Rockingchai]

I am in a long distance relationship of 14 months. I absolutely trust my boyfriend to be faithful. However I have noticed he is very anxious about me using his phone, ie if if I ask if I can look at photos he has taken of a day out together - he will hand his phone over but hover anxiously watching as I look.

I have noticed this a few times but not mentioned it yet, though I probably will feel driven to say something at some stage.

I do feel there must be something on his phone he’s worried about me seeing. I have thought - dating apps? But honestly I do not feel suspicious at all he is seeing or wants to see other people. Could be porn, I know he watches occasionally. Could be that he has talked about me in messages and doesn’t want me to read, or thinks I will be offended at “jokes” sent in his friends’ WhatsApp groups. Could be anything and I will probably never find out.

My relationship with my ex had its problems but we did have free access to each others’ phones and this phone anxiety on the part of my boyfriend makes me feel sad.

How much access do you and your partner give each other to your phones?

I personally wouldn't text anyone something I don't want their partner to read/ hear (such as text to speech in card) as lots of people have text pop up on a lock screen or have a similar relationship to me & DH with regard to phone access. I would expect most people to be the same if I'm honest. Text based communication is not particularly private.

I don't think he even knows the password for mine. I know his though, and have answered his phone calls sometimes when he's accidentally left it at home by mistake.

A lot of people on this thread lying about how they have access but never look at partners phone.

Don’t judge everybody by your own low standards.

Neither me or DH lock our phones. We don't check on each other but if one of our phones ring the the owner is out of the room we will quite likely answer it.

Wanting to share something personal with a close confidante but not with someone who is not a close confidante is being ‘wound tight’ ?

My phone doesn't have any code set up, and dp does pick it up to google occasionally if it's handy and if I'm expecting a call I sometimes leave it with him to answer if I'm unavailable. I could access his if I could ever remember the finger swipe code but honestly couldn't be bothered. My laptop does have a password set up and dp doesn't know it ditto my email account. But who has the time/ energy/interest or motivation to master someone else's tech. If I had trust issues I would be tackling them from a different angle. We sometimes show each other stuff, but we send photos on WhatsApp and sometimes links via email to each other if buying presents booking holidays house projects etc.

We don't have access teach others bank accounts etc but are not very precious about leaving statements on the side etc but we just don't have any interest in looking. If a parcel arrives for me dp doesn't usually ask what it is either.

Complete access but never really use - occasionally he will help me do something on an app etc and I always have to remind him of my PIN, I know his too but we wouldn’t look at each other’s phones

27 years married and I don't know his password he doesn't mine. Every now and then one of us comments we must set up so the other can access. We agree yes we must and never do.

I speak to friends and do some social media I'd rather he didn't read he has work stuff on his. I'd rather not know about.

I do know how I can get his password and he knows how to get mine if needed. Honestly though it's more about respecting each others privacy and not pushing in. I trust him.

Oh and I loathe iphones 😄

Yes. Why do you think anyone cares that much about your personal information?

Also as PP said most people have text preview, so even if someone didn’t have access to their phone as in the password, they’d still see some of your message if it popped up in their eye line.

We have full access but have never checked his phone, only used it to ring mine when I can't find it. Sometimes DH takes mine instead of his if he's off somewhere with DS as mine has all the games DS likes on it. We're both from the pre tech age though so only use them when essential and there's no landline available.

We have full access to each others phones with nothing to hide, we just rather use our own. If we need to use each others phones we always ask as it's polite.

Total access, know each others pins but only really look at each others phones to take off and send photos to each other etc. if the other person is too busy to do it (we like taking lots of photos). No other reason and trust each other

Meant to add we might use each others phone if our own has had battery die, that's happened before. Both have location on too but that's for safety like if one person is running late home we can check and see how far away they are

Once dated a guy who'd always put his phone facing down whenever we were together. Thought it was nice to give me his full attention, later I found he was also dating someone else and didn't want me to see calls/messages coming through. If your spider senses start tingling for whatever reason, there's usually something g there

My DD is 11 and has nothing incriminating on her phone but hovers anxiously if I’m holding it (I have passcodes and check what she does and she knows and does my object so genuinely not a privacy issue). I assume she is worried I’ll break it!

My ex didn’t like to let his out of his sight (and I did once see a notification that caused me to wonder why but not why we split up) but my exH and I had each others passcodes. I’m not precious about my phone but I respect others rights to guard theirs.

I would never let a boyfriend have total access or anything to my phone. Nor would I want to have access to a partner's phone. When I read about it on here the only justification I believe in for someone looking at someone's phone is if they think the person has cheated. And I wouldn't know a partner's PIN to do that anyway. Maybe I'd ask to see their phone if I thought something was up, IDK. A lot of people would cover their tracks as they go and delete stuff anyway.

We have full access to each others phones, there's really nothing private or particularly interesting on them to look at though! We don't get reception where we live so barely use them anyway, mine mostly gets used as an alarm clock or to listen to music in the shower and there's lots of pictures of the children and our cat!

Despite full access I never once checked my husbands phone. I also didn’t poke around in his bedside cabinet. He was entitled to his privacy and never once gave me reason to suspect he was doing anything he shouldn’t. We divorced but I still believe 100% that he was totally trustworthy (as was I). We just aren’t people who’d lie and cheat. We are both horrible liars, the one time he did lie to me (so he could get me a surprise present) I knew he lied but was willing to wait it out and see why.

A lot of people on this thread lying about how they have access but never look at partners phone.

Why would you assume they are lying?! I don't even know (or care) if dh's phone has a passcode. So I possibly do have access. I've never tried to look at his phone because I have no need to. I've never been cheated on or mistreated by a partner and I've been married to dh for 20 years. I have no trust issues whatsoever. Maybe don't judge other people by your own standards...

I really don’t think having close confidants with whom you are happy to share things and not wanting to share them with people to whom you’re not close is being ‘wound tight’, most people value having confidants and as this thread shows, lots of people value privacy too.

It’s not about thinking someone ‘cares so much’ about personal information, it’s simply about who people wish and choose to share things with. But some people don’t get that, don’t reflect others privacy and are of the “I tell my DH everything” type- I just hope they have the integrity to tell their friends that prior to their friends disclosing anything deeply personal.

*respect, not reflect

We have access to each others phones but we don’t ever really look. But if we need to make a call, Google something etc, we’ll both just use the one that’s to hand. I think him hovering anxiously would worry me, too.

We didn't snoop on each others phones but DH's didn't have any kind of lock on his, I always nagged him about it as if he'd lost it anyone could've got into it. In the end it was lucky that he didn't as I was able to access some of his old friends and work colleagues to invite them to his funeral when he died. I have access to it now and have read our old messages to each other (his WhatsApp log goes back further than mine) and I have lots of his old photos but I can honestly say that I have only read our messages and not those between him and his ex or his DD, they are private.

We both know each others pins and have thumbprint access.

Sometimes with young toddlers in arms it’s easier to borrow each others or say “can you get my phone out of my pocket to check…”. The most common need for it is actually to open up YouTube and skip the ads during Cocomelon 😂😂😂

My husband genuinely has no spare minutes in the day for any kind of affair 🤭 so the worst I’d find is him bitching about me if we’re struggling and all ill… no one benefits from seeing their spouse venting so I never would.

I could pick it up and go through at any point if I wanted to, but I can't be arsed and don't feel the need, so I don't. Likewise he could look at mine.

They'd both be fucking boring though! We trust each other entirely.