How much access do you and partner have to each other’s phones

[Rockingchai]

I am in a long distance relationship of 14 months. I absolutely trust my boyfriend to be faithful. However I have noticed he is very anxious about me using his phone, ie if if I ask if I can look at photos he has taken of a day out together - he will hand his phone over but hover anxiously watching as I look.

I have noticed this a few times but not mentioned it yet, though I probably will feel driven to say something at some stage.

I do feel there must be something on his phone he’s worried about me seeing. I have thought - dating apps? But honestly I do not feel suspicious at all he is seeing or wants to see other people. Could be porn, I know he watches occasionally. Could be that he has talked about me in messages and doesn’t want me to read, or thinks I will be offended at “jokes” sent in his friends’ WhatsApp groups. Could be anything and I will probably never find out.

My relationship with my ex had its problems but we did have free access to each others’ phones and this phone anxiety on the part of my boyfriend makes me feel sad.

How much access do you and your partner give each other to your phones?

[user467892]

We are very open with our phones in terms of - we know each others passwords, we leave our phones lying around, if he gets a text and he's in the middle of doing something he'll say 'can you check that text for me babe' incase it's something important, if we need to Google something we'll do it on whoever's phone is closer etc etc

However I would never ever look through his phone without good reason and I'm almost certain he wouldn't with mine.

[JamSandle]

I wouldn't allow anyone to look at my phone. Nor would I expect to look at there's.

[riotlady]

We know each others passcode and I would ask him to answer my phone for me if I’m driving or something, but I would never look through his phone and would find it weird if he looked through mine. Pictures we will WhatsApp to each other.

[CaptainMyCaptain]

None.

[Misspiper89]

I haven’t read all the answers on here,
I don’t look at my partners phone, I honestly think if I looked hard enough I’m sure I’d find something I didn’t like(not cheating or anything, just hmmm why did you Google khloe ksrdashian) or something similar 😂
also I know I have don’t absolutely nothing wrong but I would be antsy if he was looking at my phone 😂 chat far too much detail with my friends that he definitely doesn’t need to read lol, plus all those google searches for Brendan Urie 😂😂
if you don’t have another cause for concern I would read into it too much

[LemonPledge555]

We know pins etc. sometimes DH will ask to see pics. I can find it a but of putting, as my WhatsApp saves all received pics to the camera roll, so a friend of mine who occasionally sends me tinder profiles… it can look dodge! But no trust issues. And I will just say “there’s a load of crap in there from xxx”

[Lights22]

Full access to each other's phones but rarely used. As a pp said, usually if one is out of battery or the other is nearer etc. If I'm driving I'll ask him to text people off my watsapp for me. Just because we have access doesn't mean we go rooting through them, just means nothing to hide and mutual trust.

[bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza]

He knows the codes and bank details if anything happened but am sure he doesn't want to know what me and my friend talk about.

[sammylady37]

@Oigetoffmylawn

I have access to DHs phone and he does to me. For example if one is driving or in the shower and gets a text, the other will read it or pick up the call if it's ringing and the other person isn't in the room. We both leave our phones unattended around each other.

I don't look through DHs phone though unless he asks me to, I don't feel the need.

What about the privacy of the person texting you/your partner, who thinks they’re texting only you? There are some things I would text my sister about, but wouldn’t want her husband to know.

[perfectcolourfound]

We know each other's passwords, for the rare occasion only one phone is nearby or charged, or if he wants me to check a message and he's driving for example. It's not often we use the other's phone though.

The trust goes both ways - I trust my DH not to have stuff in his phone that would be hurtful to me or us (and vice versa) and I also trust him to use my phone (if his is in another room or not working for example) and not got through my stuff (and vice versa). Implicitly.

[Yarrawonga]

What about the privacy of the person texting you/your partner, who thinks they’re texting only you?

Bad assumption. Some cars can read the text out loud.

[Back2Back2t]

Once in a blue moon if the opportunity arises. I'm not looking for anything in particular. We both have each other's passwords.

[Tohaveandtohold]

We both have free access to each others phones like we know our passwords, unlock codes, etc but none of us check each others phones. Even the kids can unlock our phones as they watch things on it but then, nothing to look at

[Leochild00]

Full access! Il nosy through his and hel nosey through mine, not because wer looking for anything just nosey people😂 neither of us mind though so I suppose it depends if your a private person.

[BigglyBee]

It's not a subject that's ever come up. There's nothing hidden on my phone, but he has his own so has never needed to use it. I assume he feels the same way. The idea of either of us actively checking pictures or messages is just odd.

[Siameasy]

In theory we could snoop as we know the passwords but I’ve never wanted to; I think it’s really inappropriate. I don’t own DH nor he me.

[BigglyBee]

Neither of us actually have passcodes set on our phones, so I suppose he could snoop if he wanted to (as could I). He would see pictures of our great niece, our children and some cauliflowers. I'm not entirely convinced that he knows how to use the camera on his phone!

[knittingaddict]

We could both look at each others phone if we so wished. We know each others security. I will use my husbands phone to look something up and if his phone is handy. He almost never uses mine. Neither of us look up messages, emails or photos on the others phone, although we do ask each other to check messages when they ping and if we are too busy. After almost 40 years we trust each other completely.

[knittingaddict]

A relative had a situation with her abusive partner. He monitored her phone. After years of this she asked to see his and he allowed her to go on the phone with him holding it at all times. She went straight to snapchat and found what she thought she would find. By that stage she realised that she really didn't care and she left shortly after. He was abusive in many other ways too.

[knittingaddict]

@whattodo1975

A lot of people on this thread lying about how they have access but never look at partners phone.

I'm NOT lying. Why assume that? Not everyone has the need or desire.

[comfyshoes2022]

@OhBeAFineGuyKissMe

Full access. We both know each others PINs. No reason to use it usually but will if I needed (1 phone out of battery to look something up).

Again, we won't usually but will answer each others phone (in the shower etc...)

My life isn't interesting enough to have anything to hide.

Same here.

[GraceAnatomy]

I know his lockscreen pattern and he knows mine.

Never have felt the need to sneak a peek on his phone and I'm so boring that my phone is just full of photos of the kids and cats, so he is more than welcome to scroll through mines. We would both have no issues to use each other our phones if the situation came up.

Married 16 years, together for 19 years.

[Tenuouslink]

@sammylady37

What about the privacy of the person texting you/your partner, who thinks they’re texting only you? There are some things I would text my sister about, but wouldn’t want her husband to know.

Not everyone is wound so tight

That’s the simple answer to that

[BeyondMyWits]

We have the same passcode. I've never used his phone.

but, we both have display notifications for email, messages, WhatsApp etc, so if I was near his phone and it pinged, I might look at the screen whilst it was active. He does the same. We are both just a little bit nosey, but neither of us care. If that not-caring changed, I guess it would indicate a change in our relationship.

[fdgdfgdfgdfg]

Me and DP don't know each others passwords to our phones.

It's a case of privacy. I've not got anything to hide but that doesn't want someone else rummaging through my stuff. It's akin to reading your spouse's diary