How much access do you and partner have to each other’s phones

[Rockingchai]

I am in a long distance relationship of 14 months. I absolutely trust my boyfriend to be faithful. However I have noticed he is very anxious about me using his phone, ie if if I ask if I can look at photos he has taken of a day out together - he will hand his phone over but hover anxiously watching as I look.

I have noticed this a few times but not mentioned it yet, though I probably will feel driven to say something at some stage.

I do feel there must be something on his phone he’s worried about me seeing. I have thought - dating apps? But honestly I do not feel suspicious at all he is seeing or wants to see other people. Could be porn, I know he watches occasionally. Could be that he has talked about me in messages and doesn’t want me to read, or thinks I will be offended at “jokes” sent in his friends’ WhatsApp groups. Could be anything and I will probably never find out.

My relationship with my ex had its problems but we did have free access to each others’ phones and this phone anxiety on the part of my boyfriend makes me feel sad.

How much access do you and your partner give each other to your phones?

I would prefer if he didn’t get so nervous if I am just looking at photos

Have you mentioned it to him?

Long distance relationship and he’s twitchy as fuck when you touch his phone. I’d assume there was something on there he very much did not want you to see. Could be porn, could be other women. Who knows.

Is he 'nervous' or being asked about who, what, why, where, when? For each picture?

Would a month break break from social media/online dating or whatever help?

Full access would be possible, if required, but we never look at each other’s phones.

His behaviour sounds weird. If you think something is wrong, something is wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He might just be uncomfortable with her looking through his phone. Your phone is full of personal stuff. The photos might include unflattering selfies or screenshots from some online stupidity or various other things that in no way mean he’s up to no good, but do mean he doesn’t like someone else - who he’d like to impress - just flicking through things.

or he might have had bad experience with previous GFs nosing through his phone and it makes him twitchy when you also want to have a browse.

People have different levels of privacy and comfort. Maybe his just don’t match yours.

We have complete access to each others phone and it doesn't bother either of us. Sometimes I come in to him scrolling Facebook on my phone as he is 'bored' of his Facebook lol

We know each other's pins and might use the other person's phone for changing music/checking the weather forecast etc if our phone was out of battery, but we'd both ask the other person if we could use it first out of courtesy. I don't think there's anything untoward about having boundaries about phones- I don't particularly want him reading text conversations about my friends' private issues, for example.

I've never been interested in rifling through my husbands phone including a day we had to swap because he had a pass I needed on his and he never seems interested in mine.
Married 16 yrs.

Full we both know each others pin

We know each others PIN and would use the other person's phone if it was more convenient. For example if DH was driving and I had forgotten my phone, them I'd use his and vice versa. Neither of us would look at the others phone otherwise.

We have access if it’s needed, passcodes etc, but it rarely is. Plus my husband isn’t the best with technology… he has a very old iPhone which he refuses to move on from and so mine with facial recognition and no actual home button annoys the crap out of him 😂

We can look at each others phones but don't feel the need to I would be concerned if he was guarded about it tbh

I have no access to his phone and he has none to mine.

There's nothing I wouldn't want him to see nor he me - we let each other look at things by passing phones over when appropriate- but it's not something I've ever asked for.

Theoretically, we have full access to one another's phones. Realistically, we never need to access them.

I wouldn't be bothered if he used anything on my phone.

Complete access, only because he forgets his PIN, has no idea how to use the bloody thing and never knows where it is.

It always amazed me on MN, people saying you shouldn't look at your DH/P phone,or people don't need to look because they trust their other half. Only I have a mobile phone,we have a landline for the broadband, but no phone package anymore. DH could use it in an emergency. He knows my pin number,can have access any time he wants, that's trust.

I think everyone has different ways of using the iPhone. I see some ha e pri are conversations a D would regard any o e looking at their phone as a breach of trust.
To me a phone us just a helpful tool. I dont have conversations on it or keep messages.
It's great for music, podcasts and getting information and playing games. It's not a big deal to me. Although I've never asked him Dh seems to feel the same as he let's me use his on long journeys if my phone has died or axjs me to answer if he is busy without knowing who is calling.My sons appear to be the same as us with phones left around, their partners answering if one if them has gone to the toilet when it rings for example.
I understand how people have had different expierences though. ( controlling partners)
I think what would bother me would be a sudden change in behaviour, for example suddenly becoming secretive or guarded or taking their phone everywhere.

None. I have no interest what he has on his phone and the same for him. I have never needed it to look for something, if I need anything I just ask or use my own phone

I wouldn't dream of looking, in the same way that I wouldn't open his post or rummage through his drawers, but if there was a reason I needed to use the phone, directions, Google search, contact number, photos, I wouldn't expect any issue with it, in the same way that if there was a letter I needed to see or something I needed from a drawer, I'd expect that to be fine too.

As much as we want, which is zero tbh. If we need to use it we can and we both leave our phones lying around but we just use our own.

We know each other's pass codes but like a lot of posters only for practical convenience like googling something or changing the music. I've never gone on DP's phone to look through his messages or activity and have no desire to. I'd be raging if I found out he'd snooped through mine, not that he does. I value that privacy for both serious reasons (sensitive conversations with friends) and trivial ones (embarrassing Google history).

If I knew one of those things was very recent I might well hover over my phone if DP was checking something on it!

All access came after years and years though. At 14 months there's no way I'd have considered letting anyone have my pass code and goddamn right I'd be hovering if they were on my phone.

If we're using the phone to message or call then obviously we use our own

I've grabbed dh's phone before now to google something, take a pic of the dc etc, and he's done the same.

He's asked me before now to check the football scores for him - if he's driving for eg.

We play a couple of word games on mine each day but he starts it while I'm getting ready for bed.

We've taken each others out with us if the other has a better offer for something - ie, he's used my blue light card or I've used his McDonald's app.

There's nothing on my phone that he can't see or I'd be upset if he saw, but similarly, I've never suspected him of rifling through it either. If possibly be less happy of him using it if I felt he was checking up on me.

Full access. We have each others Face ID on each other's phone. Been together 7 years with children. We dont actively check each other's phones, full access makes it easier with taking photos of kids, entertaining them with their apps when out and about etc!
We also have find my iPhone on so I can see his location and he can see mine...again not used to check up on each other more as a safety measure

I am the only one with access to my phone and that won’t change. I’m a very private person by nature and I also respect the privacy of those who communicate with me. Any man who expected access to my phone would be dumped.