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Original poster

Loathing the "other woman"

205 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/01/2023 20:02

I'm always surprised when I hear about women who have been cheated on detesting the other woman but not having the same vitriol for the cheating husband. I've heard it from women who took the husband back and one whose husband married the woman (which has to be fair lasted longer and been happier than the original marriage).

What is this about?

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 22/01/2023 20:04

They obviously have or had a deep connection with the man.

you are generalising btw as not every woman detests the OW

PAFMO · 22/01/2023 20:07

It's as if their poor dicks just fell accidentally into someone else, isn't it? Like a vagina flytrap.
Not sure if it's as bad in real life as on here. The only first hand experience I have is my colleague. But she definitely feels the same. Hates the woman her husband fucked, pampers her husband who came crawling back and says he did it because he is weak.

Lkydfju · 22/01/2023 20:09

If you take back the cheating man it’s easier to direct rhe anger at the woman than the person you’re sharing a home with

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:12

As someone who was once ‘the other woman’ we are a pathetic bunch to be honest.

Just don’t have sex with other peoples men, self esteem so low that makes you feel, what, wanted? You’re not, cheating men aren’t fussy. The damage caused to the female partner on that relationship is horrendous and not deserved.

It’s a huge regret of my life, my biggest mistake, a bump to my self worth which ultimately destroyed someone who just didn’t deserve it.

We hate the other woman because they think they are something they are not… ‘chosen’ it could have been anyone.

FYI… I am still in a relationship with this man (he left her). It wasn’t me vs. her, It was him vs. him I was just there at the right time but at the beginning, I could have just been anyone.

Needanewnameagain · 22/01/2023 20:13

I detest both of them equally for what they did to me and the children

carmenitapink · 22/01/2023 20:14

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:12

As someone who was once ‘the other woman’ we are a pathetic bunch to be honest.

Just don’t have sex with other peoples men, self esteem so low that makes you feel, what, wanted? You’re not, cheating men aren’t fussy. The damage caused to the female partner on that relationship is horrendous and not deserved.

It’s a huge regret of my life, my biggest mistake, a bump to my self worth which ultimately destroyed someone who just didn’t deserve it.

We hate the other woman because they think they are something they are not… ‘chosen’ it could have been anyone.

FYI… I am still in a relationship with this man (he left her). It wasn’t me vs. her, It was him vs. him I was just there at the right time but at the beginning, I could have just been anyone.

Odd you say OW is pathetic but then happily stayed with the cheating man??

Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 20:15

I guess it’s easier to blame someone else isn’t it. Plus they don’t have the same connection to the woman than they do to a man they love. It’s easier to believe that a woman led him astray etc than believe their husband is a lying, cheating tw*t

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 20:15

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:12

As someone who was once ‘the other woman’ we are a pathetic bunch to be honest.

Just don’t have sex with other peoples men, self esteem so low that makes you feel, what, wanted? You’re not, cheating men aren’t fussy. The damage caused to the female partner on that relationship is horrendous and not deserved.

It’s a huge regret of my life, my biggest mistake, a bump to my self worth which ultimately destroyed someone who just didn’t deserve it.

We hate the other woman because they think they are something they are not… ‘chosen’ it could have been anyone.

FYI… I am still in a relationship with this man (he left her). It wasn’t me vs. her, It was him vs. him I was just there at the right time but at the beginning, I could have just been anyone.

fuck that I’d never trust him if he can do it with you hel do it on you

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 20:16

carmenitapink · 22/01/2023 20:14

Odd you say OW is pathetic but then happily stayed with the cheating man??

Show quote history

My thoughts

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:21

carmenitapink · 22/01/2023 20:14

Odd you say OW is pathetic but then happily stayed with the cheating man??

Show quote history

I am the cheating women, it was pathetic.

Sorry, did you want me to say the cheating man was pathetic? He was, yes.

Am I going to explain to you the work we had to do to make this relationship work? No.

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:23

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 20:15

fuck that I’d never trust him if he can do it with you hel do it on you

Show quote history

Very fair point - it’s taken a lot of work. I wouldn’t recommend it as a start to a relationship.

Bellalalala · 22/01/2023 20:25

It’s very complex.

But it’s not insulated to have more aggressive amor hateful feelings towards someone you don’t know vs someone you do know. Even if the person you know, objectively is more to blame.

and in a lot of circumstances it’s a shock reaction. Lots of people stay with their spouse posts cheating. It’s not just hurt that you are dealing with. It’s a cross road where if you leave you entire life will change, potentially for the worst (on the face of it) having to divorce is a hard and long road. There’s kids to consider, finances, housing. I can see why it feels the right thing to do is forgive and move on. To do that they may feel they have to put their anger and hate to the OW instead of the person they are trying to stay in a relationship with. But usually, after the trauma of finding out and things calm down and people aren’t acting out of fear and panic. The blame goes back to where it should. The man.

Discovering an affair seems like it’s really traumatic. I can’t bring myself to blame the cheated on party for not dealing with it the most logical way.

and to be honest, I am not sure why the OW would care the wife hates them. They didn’t care about the wife’s opinion when they were sleeping with their husband. Why is it so important after?

Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2023 20:25

I despise her because she's is a nasty piece of work. In my case she was my best friend. She used me to get to my husband. She lied and told him none of us cared he was depressed and suicidal and me and his family wanted him thst way to control him. She wormed her way in and told him thst to be happy he needed to leave me and my kids. She was also telling me I was paranoid. Thst I was imagining things that weren't there. That we were best friends so of course they would be friends and she was being supportive

Yeah she was fucking him and lying to my face

That's why I hate that lying, manipulative cunt.

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 20:26

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:23

Very fair point - it’s taken a lot of work. I wouldn’t recommend it as a start to a relationship.

Show quote history

Hats if to you though everyone makes mistakes

megacat · 22/01/2023 20:27

So @Lenald you were happy to be the other woman but now you've been 'upgraded' to official partner you now look down on women who are in the position you once were?

Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2023 20:28

Lenald sorry but I can not say what I think of women like you in here as it will be removed but I hope you are dead proud of yourself and can live with what you did to his ex partner/wife and family.

IntentionalError · 22/01/2023 20:32

It’s obviously a coping mechanism. Far easier to direct your resentment & hate at the person you don’t care about who owes you nothing & made no vows to you, than the person you still love who did make vows to you and then betrayed you.

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:32

megacat · 22/01/2023 20:27

So @Lenald you were happy to be the other woman but now you've been 'upgraded' to official partner you now look down on women who are in the position you once were?

Firstly, I wasn’t ‘happy’ to be the other woman, I was in a very bad place, it was a horrible mistake.

I feel very sorry for them. I think they are trying to get something out of a situation that isn’t really on the cards.

I don’t feel ‘upgraded’ I was weak and we were both in a very bad place. I wish I got my self esteem from a healthy place and worked on myself before hurting so many people.

I suppose my harshness is more aimed at myself and my regret.

Dery · 22/01/2023 20:32

“It’s obviously a coping mechanism. Far easier to direct your resentment & hate at the person you don’t care about who owes you nothing & made no vows to you, than the person you still love who did make vows to you and then betrayed you.”

This. It’s no mystery really.

Yeahrightthen · 22/01/2023 20:33

I think a lot of women are very misogynistic- they would much rather blame the woman and then they can pretend it was only the fact that the brazen hussy was batting her eyelashes and giving him come hither glances that made their dh stray. Some women would rather be married to a cheating, lying prick than have no husband at all - but if they blame the OW they can at least pretend to themselves their dh was in some way led astray.

I think it's also a sign of very low self esteem.

If my dh had an OW I can't say I wouldn't want to scratch her eyes out but I'd want to do a lot worse to him - and I'd never take him back, no way.

Lenald · 22/01/2023 20:34

Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2023 20:28

Lenald sorry but I can not say what I think of women like you in here as it will be removed but I hope you are dead proud of yourself and can live with what you did to his ex partner/wife and family.

He didn’t have a wife or a family. No, I am not proud of myself, I think I made that quite clear.

I made a horrible mistake.

Yeahrightthen · 22/01/2023 20:35

Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2023 20:25

I despise her because she's is a nasty piece of work. In my case she was my best friend. She used me to get to my husband. She lied and told him none of us cared he was depressed and suicidal and me and his family wanted him thst way to control him. She wormed her way in and told him thst to be happy he needed to leave me and my kids. She was also telling me I was paranoid. Thst I was imagining things that weren't there. That we were best friends so of course they would be friends and she was being supportive

Yeah she was fucking him and lying to my face

That's why I hate that lying, manipulative cunt.

What do you think of your ex-dh?

Daffodils320 · 22/01/2023 20:38

I think we dislike the "other woman" if she has knowingly had an affair with a married man because she's doing something crap to one of her own, another woman.
For me there was a feeling that the had broken some kind of female solidarity and I wondered exactly what sort of woman would do that.

TheOtherWomanQ · 22/01/2023 20:40

I am the other woman. I've been seeing a married man on and off for 5 years. He says he and his wife are a great team and are generally happy but she never wants sex. So he has sex with me and it's very enjoyable. There isn't a single soul in my life that knows about it and it's going to stay that way. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew about it but their life seems to tick along very nicely.

Daffodils320 · 22/01/2023 20:41

I blamed my exH more than her of course, he was the utter b**tard who went looking for sex because he was too spineless to have a conversation and discuss how he felt.