Loathing the "other woman"

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

I'm always surprised when I hear about women who have been cheated on detesting the other woman but not having the same vitriol for the cheating husband. I've heard it from women who took the husband back and one whose husband married the woman (which has to be fair lasted longer and been happier than the original marriage).

What is this about?

'One of her own'? all women are not some collective group

In my case I hate(d) (long time ago) her because she befriended me to get to him because she wanted his money. I only found that last part out after we broke up from two other people who she said that to. She wasn't a stranger, she called me, arranged days out with me, sat at my table and ate my food. Around the same time she was seen by others kissing my husband in public while I was home. Yeah, I hate her, if you steal my man you don't go through me.

I have lived this from four angles.
Young fell in love with a man who was married. Did not expect him to leave his wife and did not issue any ultimatums but he wanted me and did leave his white and children and we got married.
It was not a happy marriage and w both felt guilty.
He had an affair for few months several years in. I was told by OW'd husband and he ended it and we worked on our marriage and it was at its best at that point for a few years. Even though I knew her I didn't hate her in fact felt sorry for her because she loved him but for him it was just a fling and i led to an improvement in our marriage.
However a few years later we went through bs you patch which coincifed with him turning 60 and a new woman joined our hobby club and set out to get him. She was tenacious and predatory and played the long game. She was unhappily married with four kids and never worked /just turning 40 and desperate.
She left her husband in an attempt to go order my H's hand. He mostly resisted but she was relentless with her flattery etc. During lockdown they had seedy assignations in his car and I hated her. She wanted my life and I knew if Zi left she would move her kids right in and my kids would be forced or of their rooms (they were all at uni, her v kids younger.
Everyone apart from him could she she wanted a meal ticket.
Eventually I left him and never been happier.
He has followed the 'script'. He is now an embittered old man -has put on lots of v weight and is c surrounded by people who think he is a fool being fleeced by her.
However my fourth angle is that I am i love c with a man who is still married. He and his wife live separate lives but live the same house with separate rooms. They cannot afford two houses in this area to house their kids. Me and and him have lots of mutual friends add shared interests and our lives are fully entwined. I have met his kids and he has met mine. Locally everyone sees us as a committed couple. I have never met her or asked about her but I do wonder what her thoughts v are /I assume she has another c man or woman. She does not socialise i this area (were live in a city) He stays over with me and we spend weekends and New year's Eve etc together. It is a very odd situation.

My XH and I are equally to blame for the end of our marriage... we both had our heads in the sand for years over the fact we had drifted apart and should have broken up years before we did. However, I hate him for his manner of leaving the children and the way he has neglected them since. It has had serious impact on their mental health and five years on we are still trying to deal with issues arising from the separation, and his subsequent marriage to the OW...

I also hate her, not because she was the OW, but because of the way she has spoken to and treated my children to the extent that two of them will not visit their house at all. She seems to be attempting to cut of my XH from our children and the rest of his family.

That’s exactly what my ex friend/neighbour was like with my ex she loved cheesy music but all of a sudden loved Indie music and I could hear her playing songs me and my partner at the time liked.

She went from being tee total to sitting in the garden boozing with him.

He’s nothing special either total controlling narcissist she saw over the years how badly I was treat and how he loved his boozing and did zero to bring his kids up.

She clearly believes she can change him 😂