He sounds absolutely horrible. A nasty piece of shit. Don't you and your baby deserve better than this? 'Strong personality' no. He's just a vile bully.

It might sound silly but I'd be anxious about the sounds and more so the dialogue from the TV subconsciously entering my baby's mind. What does he watch? Thrillers? Crime? Is your baby hearing the voice of a man threatening to kill someone? What if your baby is learning fear? Learning aggression?

The baby isn't able to consent. That's what would be sending me into a single bed in the spare room. See how the tosser feels then about never having sex with you again.

This, this, this

I bet he doesn't get up with the baby either.

This has made me so mad, just a selfish man.

I feel so sorry for your child.

You have chosen to have a baby with a nasty, lazy , abusive prick who bullys you.

Your poor child.

Have you family to go to?

Pack a bag and leave.

Your child deserves better than this awful man you have chosen to have a child with.

Get out now.

Your life is only going to get worse.

Talk to Women's aid and your GP and health visitor.

This is not normal behaviour.

But I’ve learnt to put up with most things

Given the current situation, this strategy clearly isn’t the success you want it to be.

If it’s not this, it will be something else. It’s time to look at the long term viability of living with this man child.

You sound afraid of him, OP.
He's a bully and this is all about control not TV or anything else.
What would happen if you simply said: "This stops now. We have a baby in this room and you can't watch TV at night in the bedroom anymore. This is not a negotiation, I am informing you that this behaviour is unacceptable and must stop now." ?
Would he hit you? Break something? Punish you?
Most men, even nice ones, in my experience have an inbuilt detector for your bottom line. I have always found that when I articulated it clearly, and with anger behind it, I got my way.
It's exhausting and boring when you have to get to that point too often, which is why my DH is an Ex, but at any rate it is the only way to deal with a bully and his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
You have to not back down though, it's really just like an aggressive dog.

Vile of him
Tell him to sit downstairs

My husband always puts the tv off when I fall asleep/ or I am tired and the same with me for him

Hun, he doesn't respect you BECAUSE you do those things. The minute someone doesn't give you the same courtesy back is the minute you stop.

It really shouldn't be that way but it is. That is literally how life works and when you accept that and take actions like the previous person suggested you'll be less of a doormat.

Put the light on when you get up with the baby tonight. Play some lullabies on yoir phone. When he complains tell him he is controlling you and you won't be controlled, end of discussion. Then just refuse to argue. If you aren't allowed to "control" him then he can't control you right? You really can't argue with someone that selfish and contemptuous so don't, change things with your attitude.


This is absolutely no way to be bringing up yoir poor child with this example.

Get rid of the television.

Get rid of him...

Get rid of both

Hold on - he subjects you to loud TV in your bedroom until 1am most nights, refuses to adapt his behaviour to allow you & baby to sleep, but calls YOU controlling?

And he never gets up to care for his baby when she wakes? Why?

He is a selfish tool OP. Also - controlling AF.

And when your maternity leave is finished, he'll STILL refuse to tend to his own child at night time OP. Believe me - this kind of selfishness doesn't fix itself.

I'm quite worried for you OP.

This TV situation is just the tip of the iceberg isn't it?
It sounds like you tiptoe around him (literally, when the twat is enjoying his full night's sleep at your expense), & spend your life appeasing him & pandering to his whims in case he gives you a dose of his "stronger personality".

Abuse tends to ramp up at significant life stages - like cohabitation, marriage, pregnancy ... I suspect that his selfishness & bullying is going to escalate when you go back to work. He will find ways of ensuring that you do all the grunt work & he gets all the available leisure. If you attempt to discuss how unfair he is being, he will call you "controlling" & just keep 'laying down the law' at you.

He is unable or unwilling to compromise, & he doesn't give a shit about your sleep or comfort. I think you are already in an abusive relationship & that it is going to get worse as your child grows & becomes even harder work.
I am so sorry how harsh these words are & how hard they must be for you to read, so please be assured that they are kindly meant & are in no way any judgement of you. This man has the potential to wear you down until you are a husk of yourself & have no strength left to challenge his bullying. I totally understand that you may not be ready to even hear this right now, let alone address it - but there IS help & support available for you when you are.
Please take it - you just do not deserve to be bullied by this man.


www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Find a single bed on your local seeking/free site, test yourself to a lovely mattress and move into the nursery. He's showing no compassion or consideration to you. Until he does, you've got no option but to move out of that bedroom

What a selfish cunt. On all counts. Tell him you're working 18-hr data with the baby. He only works 9-5 so he's getting much more down time than you, which is unfair.

But basically he's putting himself before you, before your baby, above everything.

Was he like this before dc?!

He's a selfish twat and he won't change. I'd LTB.

OP, why the hell are you allowing him to make all the damn decisions ?

Who died and made HIM the fucking 'Grand Poobah' of everything ?

You are an adult, and supposed to be one half of a couple. Therefore YOU also have EQUAL fucking right to have YOUR wants and needs 'respected' !

You MUST stand up for yourself AND for your DC ! If you don't, then expect everything to always be done when/how it suits HIM and what HE wants. YOU and your DC will always be expected to do what he says, when he says it, and how he says it for fucks sake !!!!

Get bloody angry and tell him to either watch TV downstairs, or you WILL deliberately make as much noise/light etc EVERY FUCKING TIME the baby wakes, so that HE can be just as bloody TIRED as YOU !! And if he doesn't like it ? Tough shit ! He can't control what you do if YOU don't ALLOW it !!!!

I feel so sad for you OP. Do you know that you are worthy of love, respect, and consideration? Because you deserve those things and expecting them is not controlling. Your DH is abusive and selfish. I don't think that any amount of trying to explain your needs and that of your baby would change his behaviour because he doesn't care.

If it were me I would be ending this relationship but if I didn't feel ready or in a position to do so just yet I'd not be allowing him to come into the room and turn the TV on while I'm trying to sleep, period. I wouldn't care if he agreed or not, he certainly doesn't care about what you agree with. His justifications about controlling him and treating him like a child are abusive and not logical so why are you believing him and questioning yourself? You are not wrong OP. While you might not be ready to leave right now it's important that you recognize this. You. Are. Not. Wrong. Your needs are important and a man who loves you would be considerate and supporting you, especially with a new baby.

Also, this man is never going to be a good father to your child. Consider this OP. Really think about what your future will.look like if you choose to passively put up with this forever. You deserve better and so does your child.

My partner has done this sinse we first met 4 years ago. And still now when we have a 10 month old who's going through the "I don't need sleep" stage. He still refuses to turn the off. But he will turn it down as if it's doing me a "favour" 🤦🏽‍♀️ I am also the one getting up with baby.

How selfish is he. I literally just turn off the telly and go sleep my husband understands I can't sleep with it on.

If your son watch TV too much then it's obviously bad.

It's not silly. I would be concerned as well. Lots of subliminal messages getting through. Aside from abuse of op I'd be worried about effect on baby.

Your man - I won’t call him dear or partner when he is so clearly neither - is way beyond selfish. Deliberately disturbing the sleep of his wife and a baby until 1am? That’s abusive. This isn’t about his bed being more comfortable than the sofa, this is about him enjoying creating sleep deprivation in the two people he’s supposed to love and care for.

If this was an otherwise healthy relationship I’d suggest you simply remove the tv and say you can’t have a tv in the bedroom anymore because of the baby.

But this is a psychologically abusive relationship so I’m not sure what to suggest except take steps to plan your exit from the relationship because this man does not love you or his baby.

This is not normal behaviour OP. He sounds utterly selfish and mean. He should not want to disturb your already broken sleep. Why isn't he helping with night wakes?