DP watches tv in bedroom when I’m trying to sleep

[televisionquery]

DP always watches TV until late in the bedroom at night. He turns it on when he comes up to bed around 9pm and turns it off around midnight or 1am sometimes later. He watches it every night. I asked him if he could switch it off a little earlier because I’m trying to sleep and it’s hard to sleep with the volume and light, but he says I shouldn’t be putting a curfew on his tv time as he is not a child. I get his point but we also have a new baby in our bedroom who still wakes throughout the night and I’m the one who attends to baby. There’s a perfectly working tv downstairs but he says he would rather watch tv comfortably in bed at night because that’s what he’s grown up doing throughout his life and he won’t change it. He says I’m trying to be controlling by limiting him watching tv. But I’m not, I just want him to reduce the amount or watch it downstairs but he isn’t having any of it. The only compromise he offers is turning the volume down but it’s still annoying for me. Plus I don’t even like what he watches so I don’t particularly enjoy having it on in the background anyway because it’s not stuff I’d typically choose to watch. Any suggestions on how to compromise on this ongoing issue? Am I being unreasonable and selfish for asking him to watch downstairs or reduce the time he watches it upstairs?

You’re not being controlling OP, you’re asking for a basic level of human decency and respect from the father of your child. He just doesn’t like it because he’s so used to not caring about how his behaviour impacts you.

Stop being a martyr…he watches TV downstairs or you sleep downstairs and he is in charge of the baby…cannot understand why you have been so passive! Show some balls !

OP, in 30 years time, how would you feel if your child did what your husband does to their partner. How would you feel if they were in your position? They’re going to grow up thinking this is a normal way parents interact.

I agree with whoever said buy a comfy bed for the nursery and sleep in there with the baby 'so as not to disturb his sleep'. The baby will need a bed eventually, and maybe if you're used to DP's inconsiderate and selfish behaviour and don't feel like fighting the battle with him, you might feel better once baby is sleeping through. Of course when maternity leave is over he has no argument for not taking his turn with night waking.

Will you go to work later on down the line OP? What will happen then?

You need to get out - he is not a good man and this will only get worse.

If he won’t compromise by wearing headphones and turning sound down then somehow I would be squeezing into that nursery with a click clack bed . He is being very very selfish . Show him this thread .

Totally selfish of him! Like another poster said. Ask him to wear headphones. Ask him how he would like to know try and cope on such little sleep. Also maternity leave is not a holiday! It's given because looking after a newborn is a job in itself and a very hard one. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture! You are so NOT selfish! If it was me come early morning when you get up with the baby I'd be clattering around to make sure he woke up as well - see how he likes it. I'd take a sleeping bag into the nursery and sleep in there rather than next to such a selfish pig.

What a hideous selfish bastard!

Selfish cunty twat of exh did that. So glad he's an ex.

Get rid. You're worth so much more..

Well, you're not being controlling.

What he is doing is a particularly nasty and underhand form of gaslighting. He's aware there's this thing called 'being controlling'. Because he is a selfish git, he has understood this to mean 'a situation where someone doesn't let me be totally selfish'. He is using this rhetoric of 'being controlling' against you.

I'm not saying he's doing it on purpose or that he knows he's doing it (thought those things may be true). But he's still doing it.

Instead of focussing on whether you're being controlling (which you're not!), could you set things out in terms of what everyone in this situation needs.

You need your sleep. You are doing all the night waking, so your sleep is very badly impacted already, and you need your sleep to be the priority.

The baby needs to get into a routine where night is the time for sleep, not the time for noise and light. We know new babies think nighttime is party time, and they need to reset that clock.

And he needs time to relax (everyone does).

At the moment, you are being kept awake until 1am, then waking with the baby.
The baby is getting little sense that night is the time for sleep.
He is getting four hours of relaxation time (and, forgive me asking, but I do wonder whether he's hard at work around the house from when he gets in from work to 9pm?)

I would think it's obvious he could sacrifice a bit of time to make things fairer for you and the baby. Whether he does that by accepting he can watch TV pretty much anywhere or whether he does that by getting up at 5 with the baby to let you have a lie in, so that he's too tired to stay up to 1am, is negotiable. But it's not on for him to ignore everyone else's needs.

That’s so selfish of him OP. Why can’t he watch TV downstairs if he wants to watch it until that time?

You are quite within your rights to want to sleep without disturbances! I’d be absolutely furious!

Wow, your DP wants his cake and to eat it too. Talk about lack of compromise and also respect! So his wishes are more important than yours or you DCs.

Sorry you are with an arsehole, OP.

If you love him, move into the spare room but leave DC with him as there's no room. I think he'll realise his error.

So many men on here are AHs, aren't they?! But women need to learn how to manage them and deal with these tantrums and help their DPs grow the F up!

I attend to baby as soon as I hear him crying so DP isn’t disturbed and I use my phone torch instead of turning on the lights and even then I’m very careful about where I shine the flashlight

OP have you family in real life you can talk to? This really is not good.

It’s usually his way or no way. But I’ve learnt to put up with most things

Why?

Your 'D' P sounds awful! The baby should be his absolute priority, and with baby's wellbeing comes your wellbeing too. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship nor a good environment for baby to be in. He doesn't care about your sleep nor your baby's.

I would absolute put my foot down and say no TV in the bedroom. If he wants to watch TV in bed he can buy a sofa bed for the living room. If he's being a manchild over something this simple I'd be looking to leave him asap before your baby's emotional development is harmed.

So sick of reading about these selfish, abusive, downright cruel cunts of men. I can’t bear reading broken women living, having learnt to be passive, with them.

They’re all such failures.

He's a total scumbag
Get away from him as fast as you can.
Hugs

It's the fact that you're questioning whether it's you being selfish and unreasonable! Don't question yourself anymore.

The men I mean. Not the women.

Take it out of the room, tell him to sleep watching it elsewhere. If he takes it back tell him he obviously doesn't respect your sleep given the baby so you're going to have seperate bedrooms or seperate houses.

I'm sick of the back teeth of these selfish men me.

There is no way I've tolerated a telly in the bedroom.

I don't think that 'telling him to watch it elsewhere' is going to work, @gamerchick He's got no respect at all for what OP wants and needs. If he'd listen to and respect what she told him, she wouldn't be here.

Head phones aren't comfortable. I use earbuds if I want to watch something in bed because I'm a night owl. OH goes to bed at ten TV on. If I can't find the remote I turn off at the wall.

Get some Bluetooth earbuds. You only need to use one.

Bedrooms are for sleeping, cuddling and resting. They are not for watching TV! Really bad form having a TV in the bedroom. My DH wanted a TV in the bedroom. He put one in so I immediately set myself up in the spare room and slept there - not in a huff, but because I had told him straight that no TV in the bedroom, so if he wants the TV there, I sleep elsewhere. He removed the TV the next day. Talking sometimes doesn't work - you have to ACT.
It sounds like he is the boss of you in most areas - if you are happy with that, then that's okay, but if you aren't, you can't tiptoe about for a quiet life: The more you show weakness, the more he will constantly push harder for his own way in all things. Won;' this be very hard for you when baby gets older and you have to agree on parenting etc? If I were you, I would have a good think about how you want your life to be, how you are going to get there, and then ACT.

First post nails it

So…
He doesn’t care for your child ( meaning that you never get any down time)

He won’t get up in the night ( even once in the weekend? Did you know sleep deprivation is a form of torture?)

He puts his own comfort above the physiological needs of his partner and his child ( no words)

He manipulates so you feel bad.

OP, stop twisting yourself in knots wondering if he is being reasonable’. He is a selfish, uncaring ass.