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Relationships
DP watches tv in bedroom when I’m trying to sleep
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 20:56
DP always watches TV until late in the bedroom at night. He turns it on when he comes up to bed around 9pm and turns it off around midnight or 1am sometimes later. He watches it every night. I asked him if he could switch it off a little earlier because I’m trying to sleep and it’s hard to sleep with the volume and light, but he says I shouldn’t be putting a curfew on his tv time as he is not a child. I get his point but we also have a new baby in our bedroom who still wakes throughout the night and I’m the one who attends to baby. There’s a perfectly working tv downstairs but he says he would rather watch tv comfortably in bed at night because that’s what he’s grown up doing throughout his life and he won’t change it. He says I’m trying to be controlling by limiting him watching tv. But I’m not, I just want him to reduce the amount or watch it downstairs but he isn’t having any of it. The only compromise he offers is turning the volume down but it’s still annoying for me. Plus I don’t even like what he watches so I don’t particularly enjoy having it on in the background anyway because it’s not stuff I’d typically choose to watch. Any suggestions on how to compromise on this ongoing issue? Am I being unreasonable and selfish for asking him to watch downstairs or reduce the time he watches it upstairs?
Perridot · 22/01/2023 00:20
I woke up this morning and found DP next to me watching football. I had no idea the tv was even on as it was on silent with subtitles since I was asleep. Your DH is a twat
Honey83 · 22/01/2023 00:31
MrsHarrisgoestoTimbuctoo · 21/01/2023 21:47
Could you get headphones for him?
This.
You can get wireless headphones if tv has usb or hdmi. Which is what we do. Or even plug ins really.
But it's the attitude that he doesn't give a shit that both you and the baby are trying to rest.
Cileymyrus · 22/01/2023 00:35
Honey83 · 22/01/2023 00:31
This.
You can get wireless headphones if tv has usb or hdmi. Which is what we do. Or even plug ins really.
But it's the attitude that he doesn't give a shit that both you and the baby are trying to rest.
MrsHarrisgoestoTimbuctoo · 21/01/2023 21:47
Could you get headphones for him?
even with headphones though the light and flashing would keep me awake/wake me up.
get rid of the tv completely.
category12 · 22/01/2023 00:51
Move into the baby's room and plan your exit from the relationship.
Headinthesandmindinthegutter · 22/01/2023 01:29
OP no, you are not being unreasonable or selfish. He is. It's rude, disrepectful and completely unfair. I'm passive too and I know it's so hard to get your point across sometimes or make your case - I always feel like I'm nagging or overeacting.
Only thing I can think to suggest is putting a pin in those nursery plans, pop bed in there for you and move baby's cot in there too - yes your DP should absolutely do more with the baby in the night but maybe just battle one thing at a time. And seriously consider if DP is the kind of selfish prick you want to live with.
Good luck
toomuchlaundry · 22/01/2023 01:39
This sounds as if it is more than just simply getting some headphones. He sounds awful, he is the controlling one not OP. I’m sure he is controlling in many more ways too
USaYwHatNow · 22/01/2023 02:24
@televisionquery my husband usually needs some background noise to fall asleep to, I thinks it's a leftover habit from living in a noisy block of military accommodation because I know he CAN fall asleep without it!
We have just had a baby also, and our compromise (that DH came up with himself) was watching something in bed but on his tablet, with ear buds, so he could comfortably watch something in whatever position in bed, without bulky headphones getting in the way, and he could dim the display so it didn't affect my sleep, as I need the room completely quiet, pitch black and cold!
Felicity42 · 22/01/2023 02:35
Get a single bed for the nursery.
Go in there and get a good night sleep.
And no you don't need to ask his permission.
pelargoniums · 22/01/2023 02:41
Xgle · 21/01/2023 22:41
Why don’t you get an earplug, my DH snores, neighbors’ kids make noises I wouldn’t be able to sleep without earplugs. Some can reduce noise by 37 dB and quite effective, only costs a few pounds.
How does that help when there’s a baby in the room that (a) OP needs to wake up to hear and (b) is the baby going to wear earplugs too? No one should be watching TV in a bedroom with a baby in it. Oh and (c) are they magic earplugs that stop OP’s DH being a controlling abusive twat?
ozymandiusking · 22/01/2023 02:42
As other posters have suggested, I think even though you have the nursery set up nicely for the baby, you need to get a small single bed even a 2'6" one in there with the baby and stay there. At least you will be able to sleep in peace.
But this goes far deeper than his tv viewing, and I feel that at sometime in the future you are going to have to sort out the underlying problems.
deeperthanallroses · 22/01/2023 02:59
What a SELFISH ASSHOLE he is. He’s going to be a shit dad too as children take attention and care and lots of work. It doesn’t sound like you can change him op, do you really want to stay with him?
randomuser2020 · 22/01/2023 03:08
Can I ask what you get out of this relationship? He sounds abusive and awful and uses the word controlling to actually control you.
I am guessing this gem does nothing to parent your child, just because you are on maternity, he doesnt get to opt out of parenting 24/7. You should have equal free time.
Your relationship doesnt sound great and it sounds like you just get worn down, this is not a way to live and is not the norm at all in a relationship, its so sad that you think this is all you are worth to put up with this. I hope you find the strength to get out of this at some point as he sounds toxic.
HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 22/01/2023 03:36
Televisions should not be in bedrooms, it's basic sleep hygiene.
Mountainormolehills · 22/01/2023 05:34
@televisionquery I’m going to couples counselling, the first one is actually today. My partner asked if I wanted the 1st or 2nd slot - I said the 1st and she said she needed it. She went out with her friends last night and promised to be early to put the kids to bed - well she did but she then went back out and didn’t come home until 2 - I was oblivious. Her answer will be that it didn’t affect me so what’s the issue but it’s not what we agreed and if the kids had woken and asked for her they would have been so distressed. She will say this is me being controlling.
Copperoliverbear · 22/01/2023 05:55
He's a selfish cunt and if he's so much of a grown up tell him to stop behaving like a spoilt little cunt and put his wife and child first.
If you have a room for the baby and he refuses to stop watching tv in bed, I'd buy myself a bed and put it in the babies room and sleep in there with the baby.
See how the spoilt little cunt likes that. X
Copperoliverbear · 22/01/2023 06:02
Also you do need to stand up to him he will get worse otherwise. X
GelPens1 · 22/01/2023 06:06
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 21:04
He doesn’t compromise in many areas at all. It’s usually his way or no way. But I’ve learnt to put up with most things, it’s just the sleep deprivation that’s starting to get to me
MoleyAndGeorge · 21/01/2023 21:02
Thirding what Ori said. Is he an arsehole about other stuff too?
Why did you decide to have a child with a very controlling man? A healthy relationship is all about compromise. This isn’t a relationship. Your child will grow up thinking that men rule the roost and women should be submissive and childlike. If your child is a girl then she might end up in an abusive, controlling relationship. If he’s a boy then he’ll end up as the abusive, controlling partner.
Oomph · 22/01/2023 06:14
What are you going to do about it? I think you need to give him an ultimatum that if he continues with this sleep deprivation torture you will move out for the sake of your baby. He’s fainting both baby and your health.
SpaceMonitor · 22/01/2023 06:18
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 21:04
He doesn’t compromise in many areas at all. It’s usually his way or no way. But I’ve learnt to put up with most things, it’s just the sleep deprivation that’s starting to get to me
MoleyAndGeorge · 21/01/2023 21:02
Thirding what Ori said. Is he an arsehole about other stuff too?
Jesus Christ OP, he sounds absolutely vile. Why have you had a baby with him? You need to leave.
Yet another woman in a relationship with a controlling man who has had a baby without the protection of marriage.
ShelaghsCottage · 22/01/2023 06:22
@SpaceMonitor Yet another woman in a relationship with a controlling man who has had a baby without the protection of marriage.
Yup, there seems to be a clutch of them just lately. I could shake them.
I hope these sort of posts are being read by childless women as a warning !
Delorestormborn · 22/01/2023 06:29
Why do women have children with such selfish twatty men?
Put the remote control in the bin? Remove the plug? Tell the useless twat to leave?
Seriously! I'd just go. Take the baby and go for a while. You have the right to sleep FFS
He sounds like a total idiot. You deserve better
OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 22/01/2023 07:06
Jellybean23 · 21/01/2023 21:06
What a selfcentred pig. I wouldn't stay with someone like that, just couldn't do it . You don't have one child, you have two.
I agree just awful
I'd honestly dump him you don't need this you need sleep 😴
CandidClarisse · 22/01/2023 07:15
I made sure when we moved house there was no longer a TV in our bedroom for this very reason! My DP now uses an iPad in bed, but he wears headphones and turns the brightness right down so it's not as bad. I guess it's a compromise.
Whattheladybird · 22/01/2023 07:23
Sorry because in you current state you don’t want more crap but these are harsh words..
don’t have any more babies with this man. i cannot understand the thought of being “passive” to the point of purposefully living with a bully but that’s where you are. However you’ve looked after yourself in the future, you’re a mum now (Congratulations! Sleep is a killer but I promise it gets better… eventually) and you need to search inside yourself to stand standing up to your “D”P. Not least because if you continue like this your child will learn how to bully you too in time, following father’s example.
oviraptor21 · 22/01/2023 08:21
OP I'm concerned that you seem to be accepting that there is nothing you can do and everything you might say to your H will be rejected without question.
The only suggestion you haven't rejected is moving into the nursery. Please please do this. And take some time to think whether this is how you want to live the rest of your life - always just going along with what he says so as not to cause an argument and because you know he will just do things his way anyway.
At the moment I can only guess why you stay with him, but if you are certain that is what you want to do then really the only thing that might make things better is counselling together. If he refuses to entertain that too, then really you know there is no future for you and your child in this relationship and you are better to get out now while your child is young.
Do you have friends and family who might support you in getting away from him?
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