Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Relationships
DP watches tv in bedroom when I’m trying to sleep
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 20:56
DP always watches TV until late in the bedroom at night. He turns it on when he comes up to bed around 9pm and turns it off around midnight or 1am sometimes later. He watches it every night. I asked him if he could switch it off a little earlier because I’m trying to sleep and it’s hard to sleep with the volume and light, but he says I shouldn’t be putting a curfew on his tv time as he is not a child. I get his point but we also have a new baby in our bedroom who still wakes throughout the night and I’m the one who attends to baby. There’s a perfectly working tv downstairs but he says he would rather watch tv comfortably in bed at night because that’s what he’s grown up doing throughout his life and he won’t change it. He says I’m trying to be controlling by limiting him watching tv. But I’m not, I just want him to reduce the amount or watch it downstairs but he isn’t having any of it. The only compromise he offers is turning the volume down but it’s still annoying for me. Plus I don’t even like what he watches so I don’t particularly enjoy having it on in the background anyway because it’s not stuff I’d typically choose to watch. Any suggestions on how to compromise on this ongoing issue? Am I being unreasonable and selfish for asking him to watch downstairs or reduce the time he watches it upstairs?
Bertha21 · 21/01/2023 21:19
My ex used to do this. When our baby was born I banned the tv. Otherwise the baby will get used to the light/noise. The line about you being controlling isn’t true I’m guessing it may be the other way around? It was in my situation and the selfishness too. Have a good look at what else goes on in your relationship.
DrMadelineMaxwell · 21/01/2023 21:20
My husband does this!!! I hate it.
BUT after several arguments, he now switches it off when I put my kindle off and has the volume on very low if he's still watching a bit of something if it has a few minutes left to run before it finishes. And our kids are teens now.
I still hate it. But it would have meant me sleeping in a different room had he tried this when we had babies
Mykittensmittens · 21/01/2023 21:21
He’s a selfish, self centred twat.
context - my DH likes to listen to a podcast ON HIS PODS at bed, and very very very vaguely I can maybe hear it.
I’ve had a bereavement recently and sleep has been tough. He’s helped me with adjusting bedtime patterns to encourage my sleep, been super caring, ditched his podcast for a bit and said if he’s missing it for an odd night he’ll go on the sofa.
We help each other. He’s just an idiot by the sounds of things - show him this thread.
HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 21/01/2023 21:22
He's a twat.
He's exposing you to blue light which disrupts your sleep. He's not compromising. He's refusing to accomodate the reality of having a young baby.
He's expecting his life to stay the same while your life adapts to a child.
Dontknownow86 · 21/01/2023 21:23
As someone who is quite passive myself, it's never worked out for me long term. All that's happened is my self worth became reduced to basically nothing making it even easier to be walked over.
You need to go scorched earth or get rid of him. I appreciate that's a lot easier said than done but he is telling you that you have no value in his eyes and if you don't address it you will start to believe it.
This is such an insidious nasty thing to do and can only get worse.
ditherydotty · 21/01/2023 21:25
Do you have a spare bedroom? If so id chuck him in there, if not id just chuck him!
He is controlling you not the other way round, id also be handing the baby over to him when it wakes, see how he feels then!
sillysmiles · 21/01/2023 21:25
I like to remain passive to avoid arguments🚩
he suggested for that reason I should attend to baby care overnight. 🚩
"But again that’s a no from him because he won’t give up his tv time"
So, from what you've written:
You don't feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and opinions
You are the main caregiver to the baby - at his suggestion/insistence.
He dictates the pace of the house and the lifestyle within the house
He shows little or no consideration for you and your child
He would prefer to watch tv than care for his child.
Do you really think this is all you deserve in life? You deserve more and you deserve better.
BurbageBrook · 21/01/2023 21:27
Honestly that’s outrageous behaviour from him OP. How dare he treat you like that. NO ONE would enjoy going to sleep with the TV blaring. It’s awful.
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2023 21:30
He's selfish and doesn't care about you. You thought that was around the edges of your life but as many women find out after children, you thought he's improve but instead he got worse.
Depriving you of sleep is abusive. Echoing the 'he's a cunt' from other posters. What you do is based on what you want. If you want there to be a hope of continuing the relationship you have to get very assertive, very quickly and work very hard on boundaries. If you want to have a happy life, plan to leave him. Hybrid options, tell him this is a dealbreaker and mean it.
roarfeckingroarr · 21/01/2023 21:30
I would remove the tv from the bedroom the next time he left the house. Selfish git.
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 21:32
ditherydotty · 21/01/2023 21:25
Do you have a spare bedroom? If so id chuck him in there, if not id just chuck him!
He is controlling you not the other way round, id also be handing the baby over to him when it wakes, see how he feels then!
The spare room is a nursery ready for baby to move in when he’s old enough so can’t really move in there… but yeah I have woken him up once or twice to attend to baby and he wasn’t too happy so won’t be trying that again. He said since I’m on maternity leave I should be doing the most part without complaining
NibbledSwitch · 21/01/2023 21:33
I'd consider very seriously if I wanted to put up with this amount of cuntfuckery for the rest of my life.
Krakenes · 21/01/2023 21:35
i don’t usually jump to ‘leave the bastard’, but please do and don’t let your child grow up to believe that this treatment of a partner/spouse is normal and something to aspire to.
fruitypancake · 21/01/2023 21:36
Oh yes .. need to quietly sabotage the Tv and feign annoyance that you can't watch it during the daytime up there !
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2023 21:36
Buy a large comfy bed for the nursery and move in there. If there's room.
Mangolist · 21/01/2023 21:37
So many awful men on here lately. I'm astounded at the behaviour of several I've read about today alone!
NibbledSwitch · 21/01/2023 21:37
This is not the behaviour of someone who cares or respects you.
Thepossibility · 21/01/2023 21:38
So him getting to watch tv in bed instead of the couch is more important than the health and wellbeing of his partner and mother of his child. How lovely.
aSofaNearYou · 21/01/2023 21:39
It's absolutely ridiculous that he's not using the living room, horribly selfish.
buckeejit · 21/01/2023 21:39
Wake the fucker up every time you're up with baby. Lights on & tv blaring
Mummyoftwo91 · 21/01/2023 21:41
Had the same issue with my dh, he watches his tablet as a compromise now, less light shining
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 21:43
buckeejit · 21/01/2023 21:39
Wake the fucker up every time you're up with baby. Lights on & tv blaring
See that’s the thing, I’m always very mindful of his sleep, I attend to baby as soon as I hear him crying so DP isn’t disturbed and I use my phone torch instead of turning on the lights and even then I’m very careful about where I shine the flashlight. I’m considerate as I can be when he’s sleeping and would love the same respect back but he isn’t having it
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.