DP always watches TV until late in the bedroom at night. He turns it on when he comes up to bed around 9pm and turns it off around midnight or 1am sometimes later. He watches it every night. I asked him if he could switch it off a little earlier because I’m trying to sleep and it’s hard to sleep with the volume and light, but he says I shouldn’t be putting a curfew on his tv time as he is not a child. I get his point but we also have a new baby in our bedroom who still wakes throughout the night and I’m the one who attends to baby. There’s a perfectly working tv downstairs but he says he would rather watch tv comfortably in bed at night because that’s what he’s grown up doing throughout his life and he won’t change it. He says I’m trying to be controlling by limiting him watching tv. But I’m not, I just want him to reduce the amount or watch it downstairs but he isn’t having any of it. The only compromise he offers is turning the volume down but it’s still annoying for me. Plus I don’t even like what he watches so I don’t particularly enjoy having it on in the background anyway because it’s not stuff I’d typically choose to watch. Any suggestions on how to compromise on this ongoing issue? Am I being unreasonable and selfish for asking him to watch downstairs or reduce the time he watches it upstairs?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
DP watches tv in bedroom when I’m trying to sleep
televisionquery · 21/01/2023 20:56
caffelattetogo · 24/01/2023 23:47
Please look up the Freedom Programme. You are being abused. You and your lovely baby deserve better than this vile bully.
televisionquery · 22/01/2023 20:46
If it was just me and him, I’d probably not want him any longer. However since now there’s child involved I feel like it is better for the child to have a traditional two parent household if I can help it and wouldn’t want to be the reason baby grows up without having dad around
Idontknowhatnametochoose · 22/01/2023 20:40
Let him leave. He would be doing you and your baby a massive favour! Do you really want this guy?
televisionquery · 22/01/2023 20:39
He would probably leave if I were to say those words to him. He says no one has the right to be controlling how much tv he watches. He would definitely go mad at me and punch something closest to him and there’d be a huge argument if I were to be assertive like that
Captainfairylights · 22/01/2023 12:55
You sound afraid of him, OP.
He's a bully and this is all about control not TV or anything else.
What would happen if you simply said: "This stops now. We have a baby in this room and you can't watch TV at night in the bedroom anymore. This is not a negotiation, I am informing you that this behaviour is unacceptable and must stop now." ?
Would he hit you? Break something? Punish you?
Most men, even nice ones, in my experience have an inbuilt detector for your bottom line. I have always found that when I articulated it clearly, and with anger behind it, I got my way.
It's exhausting and boring when you have to get to that point too often, which is why my DH is an Ex, but at any rate it is the only way to deal with a bully and his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
You have to not back down though, it's really just like an aggressive dog.
jojogoesbust · 23/01/2023 13:58
My ex used to do this. We are now divorced
televisionquery · 22/01/2023 20:46
If it was just me and him, I’d probably not want him any longer. However since now there’s child involved I feel like it is better for the child to have a traditional two parent household if I can help it and wouldn’t want to be the reason baby grows up without having dad around
Idontknowhatnametochoose · 22/01/2023 20:40
Let him leave. He would be doing you and your baby a massive favour! Do you really want this guy?
televisionquery · 22/01/2023 20:39
He would probably leave if I were to say those words to him. He says no one has the right to be controlling how much tv he watches. He would definitely go mad at me and punch something closest to him and there’d be a huge argument if I were to be assertive like that
Captainfairylights · 22/01/2023 12:55
You sound afraid of him, OP.
He's a bully and this is all about control not TV or anything else.
What would happen if you simply said: "This stops now. We have a baby in this room and you can't watch TV at night in the bedroom anymore. This is not a negotiation, I am informing you that this behaviour is unacceptable and must stop now." ?
Would he hit you? Break something? Punish you?
Most men, even nice ones, in my experience have an inbuilt detector for your bottom line. I have always found that when I articulated it clearly, and with anger behind it, I got my way.
It's exhausting and boring when you have to get to that point too often, which is why my DH is an Ex, but at any rate it is the only way to deal with a bully and his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
You have to not back down though, it's really just like an aggressive dog.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
NibbledSwitch · 21/01/2023 21:33
I'd consider very seriously if I wanted to put up with this amount of cuntfuckery for the rest of my life.
televisionquery · 22/01/2023 20:46
If it was just me and him, I’d probably not want him any longer. However since now there’s child involved I feel like it is better for the child to have a traditional two parent household if I can help it and wouldn’t want to be the reason baby grows up without having dad around
Idontknowhatnametochoose · 22/01/2023 20:40
Let him leave. He would be doing you and your baby a massive favour! Do you really want this guy?
televisionquery · 22/01/2023 20:39
He would probably leave if I were to say those words to him. He says no one has the right to be controlling how much tv he watches. He would definitely go mad at me and punch something closest to him and there’d be a huge argument if I were to be assertive like that
Captainfairylights · 22/01/2023 12:55
You sound afraid of him, OP.
He's a bully and this is all about control not TV or anything else.
What would happen if you simply said: "This stops now. We have a baby in this room and you can't watch TV at night in the bedroom anymore. This is not a negotiation, I am informing you that this behaviour is unacceptable and must stop now." ?
Would he hit you? Break something? Punish you?
Most men, even nice ones, in my experience have an inbuilt detector for your bottom line. I have always found that when I articulated it clearly, and with anger behind it, I got my way.
It's exhausting and boring when you have to get to that point too often, which is why my DH is an Ex, but at any rate it is the only way to deal with a bully and his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
You have to not back down though, it's really just like an aggressive dog.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.