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Original poster

If you saw a neighbour having an affair?

237 replies

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:30

I have found out that one of our neighbours appears to be having an affair. He is married with a child. We don't really know one another although I know his and his wife's names. I don't know the woman I saw him with.
I don't know whether to post an anonymous note to his wife or not.
I also don't know if my own experience is affecting my judgement. Years ago, one of my neighbours tried telling me my own husband was having an affair. She didn't do it directly and I didn't cotton on so it was only later when I found out about his affair that I realised what she had been trying to tell me. I felt grateful she had tried to intervene.

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 03/01/2023 13:26

Given your update that he looked uncomfortable kissing her, there is a chance that it didn't go further, a variety of things could also be happening, en ex turns up, they have actually split but still living together.

Valeria89 · 03/01/2023 13:27

LittleDisaster · 03/01/2023 13:14

A situation where "everyone" knows is entirely different to OP catching a fleeting glance of someone she barely knows a long way from home.

My point is that in a situation where a lot of people know about the affair while the wife is still in the dark, there would have been a moment in the past when the first person noticed something. This would have been the point at which it could have been brought out into the open. Rather than it become common knowledge and for the wife to find out much later and then think that everyone knew and was pitying her behind her back.

StickofVeg · 03/01/2023 13:28

I know one of my neighbours is having an affair. His wife is cabin crew and when she's away that's when it happens. There are other things I've seen which make me 100% certain. However, I just leave it. Not my business. I think you should take the same approach.

ReneBumsWombats · 03/01/2023 13:32

Valeria89 · 03/01/2023 13:27

My point is that in a situation where a lot of people know about the affair while the wife is still in the dark, there would have been a moment in the past when the first person noticed something. This would have been the point at which it could have been brought out into the open. Rather than it become common knowledge and for the wife to find out much later and then think that everyone knew and was pitying her behind her back.

Show quote history

We are not the collective police of people's personal lives. If someone has an affair and is so indiscreet that "everyone" knows, it's hardly surprising that their spouse finds out.

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 03/01/2023 13:33

I’d mind my own business

Cas112 · 03/01/2023 13:33

None of your business

Original poster
CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 14:13

The majority opinions are that I should mind my own business so I won't say anything to his wife.

OP posts:
LollyStrolly · 03/01/2023 14:14

I have recently realised that one of our female neighbours is having an affair. The guy parks outside our house when he is in his car but outside her house when he is in his works van. It has been going on for nearly 4 years including over lockdown. I always wondered about the parking arrangements, until I saw him at a family pub recently with his DP and two young sons, a baby and a toddler. I clicked that he didn’t want his car that has a personalised reg outside her house which is on the main road.
I have thought about putting a message on his windscreen to tell him that he has been sussed but decided that I don’t want to get involved, I don’t know any of them well enough, it probably wouldn’t stop him and I am sure that he will get found out sooner or later.

TheSingingBean · 03/01/2023 14:42

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 14:13

The majority opinions are that I should mind my own business so I won't say anything to his wife.

You’re in a difficult position OP, but I think this is probably the right decision- for now, at least.

FWIW some posters have been quite unkind, calling you nosey, judgemental etc. I think you sound like someone who’s trying to do the right thing. If my neighbour had seen something to make them think my OH was having an affair I’d want to know, but I don’t think there’s a gentle way to do it in your situation.

IamSamantha · 03/01/2023 15:03

None of your business. You can't possibly know what's going on. Tend to your own matters, stay out of others.

WhatDoYouWantNow · 03/01/2023 15:05

You don't know them.
It could be his sister, friend or colleague.
It's nothing at all to do with you. Keep your beak out.

lucie333 · 03/01/2023 15:14

user1471427614 · 03/01/2023 09:44

I find it disturbing how many peoe say to mind your own business....almost like you all think it's ok to be having any affair.

Personally I would let her know

Yes, me too

Dryandirriatble · 03/01/2023 15:17

I'm not convinced anyone really wants to know a DH, who's perfectly lovely and reliable the rest of the year, got set upon for a drunken snog after the Christmas party. Who gains anything from that? What do you do with that information?

lucie333 · 03/01/2023 15:25

Dryandirriatble · 03/01/2023 15:17

I'm not convinced anyone really wants to know a DH, who's perfectly lovely and reliable the rest of the year, got set upon for a drunken snog after the Christmas party. Who gains anything from that? What do you do with that information?

So you'd be ok with you husband snogging other people ?

DemelzaandRoss · 03/01/2023 15:26

It really is nothing to do with you. However much you may disapprove, keep out of this situation.

Dryandirriatble · 03/01/2023 15:27

lucie333 · 03/01/2023 15:25

So you'd be ok with you husband snogging other people ?

Show quote history

No of course it wouldn't be OK with it. Which is why if it's a one off it's probably better I don't know. Would you end your marriage for one snog? What else would you do with the snippet of information from a virtual stranger?

Evidence of an actual affair would be different.

LadyKenya · 03/01/2023 16:06

Dryandirriatble · 03/01/2023 15:27

No of course it wouldn't be OK with it. Which is why if it's a one off it's probably better I don't know. Would you end your marriage for one snog? What else would you do with the snippet of information from a virtual stranger?

Evidence of an actual affair would be different.

Show quote history

This is where I am coming from. The OP saw something, one thing. She does not have any other things to go on to even consider going to a virtual stranger, to tell her that she suspects that he may be having an affair. Why on earth would you even want to do this?

Notaboutthebass · 03/01/2023 16:07

It might be an affair but I'd certainly want to know if he was snogging someone else!

Sunnytwobridges · 03/01/2023 17:07

I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes in these situations - would I want to know if that was my DH? And I honestly not sure if I'd want to know. But then it would depend. A one-time kiss maybe not, but a full on affair I would want to know.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 03/01/2023 17:48

WhatDoYouWantNow · 03/01/2023 15:05

You don't know them.
It could be his sister, friend or colleague.
It's nothing at all to do with you. Keep your beak out.

You snog your sister, friends and colleagues?

FloydPepper · 03/01/2023 19:33

altmember · 03/01/2023 12:59

Sounds like he may have been sexually assaulted.

Show quote history

Yep, however I’d be surprised if that gets much response on here. It’s fairly common to assume men can’t be victims.

Jaybird43 · 03/01/2023 19:35

Some people have open relationships / the relationship could’ve broken down and they may be living together but leading separate lives. I would stay out of it, personally. If it was a friend then it may be different, but a virtual stranger, no, I don’t think so.

DonnaBanana · 04/01/2023 11:03

Besides it not being the OPs business, people on this thread are making out like affairs are the worst thing in the world. They really aren’t. It happens all the time and while a lot of problems do occur, it’s hardly a crime and sometimes there are good reasons irrespective of gender. It’s not like someone is being murdered and you have a moral obligation to report it. Very normal in France.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/01/2023 12:06

Jaybird43 · 03/01/2023 19:35

Some people have open relationships / the relationship could’ve broken down and they may be living together but leading separate lives. I would stay out of it, personally. If it was a friend then it may be different, but a virtual stranger, no, I don’t think so.

But then the lady wouldn't be hurt or upset at her husband snogging someone else so no harm done...

ReneBumsWombats · 04/01/2023 12:08

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/01/2023 12:06

But then the lady wouldn't be hurt or upset at her husband snogging someone else so no harm done...

Show quote history

She might not appreciate a near stranger poking her nose into her life though.

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