Page 6 | If you saw a neighbour having an affair?

JoyPeaceSleep · 03/01/2023 11:36

Do nothing. Who cares. It's not your sister, it's not your friend. It's not your job to sort this out.

OhMonDieu · 03/01/2023 11:37

Keep out of it.

Years ago our neighbour's wife was clearly having an affair.

Her DH used to leave for work at 5,30am to drive to wholesale markets in his lorry, and almost every morning her 'lover' turned up, went in, then the lounge or bedroom curtains were closed, and he made his getaway some time later.

It went on all the time we lived there - 2 years- but I didn't dream of saying anything as there was no proof and it wasn't my business.

Who's to know her H wasn't doing the same?

JoyPeaceSleep · 03/01/2023 11:38

@WandaWonder I once told a friend that her fiance made a pass at me. He was horrible about it too. Told me I was fuckable. Yuck. Told me he loved his fiancee but he'd ''always have an eye out''. Well, cue the messenger being shot. For years, the group would meet up without me. Learned a lesson there I tell you. She didn't marry him though, luckily.

LadyKenya · 03/01/2023 11:38

Notallheroswearcapes · 03/01/2023 11:31

As someone who has been chrated on, I would have appreciated being told so that I had the power tomake a decision about my future.

The amount of people replying its none if your business and stay out of it, really makes me lose faith in humanity.

Why would posters saying that the OP does not have enough information regarding this situation make you lose faith in humanity? That seems like an overreaction to me. It would be totally unwise to go storming in, upsetting the wife, who the OP does not even know the name of, for what! A snapshot of the husband with some women, who according to the OP was the one instigating the... whatever it was.

FernCurl · 03/01/2023 11:39

Madamecastafiore · 03/01/2023 11:22

You having an affair caused the negative effects not the person advising your ex that you were having an affair.

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No one told my ex anything, if you read my post correctly.

MissMarplesbag · 03/01/2023 11:39

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:35

What I saw was not an embrace and a kiss between siblings or friends.

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The op should have put that she saw her neighbour snogging another woman in her title. Then the replies wouldn't have been so hostile.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/01/2023 11:41

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 10:15

Thank you for acknowledging my feelings. Yes it was quite shocking even though his wife is not my friend or even acquaintance, I still felt a bit upset about it. It had been the woman who had instigated the embrace and then kiss. He had momentarily kept her at arms' distance, then reciprocated but not as much as her. He looked uncomfortable but the woman didn't look uncomfortable at all.

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So what you actually saw was your neighbour being sexually harassed? Wow.

FernCurl · 03/01/2023 11:42

BenCoopersSupportWren · 03/01/2023 11:18

I was talking about cheating men in general terms, although I appreciate that wasn't clear.

The point is, there are no 'general terms', just specific situations. And anyone intervening is intervening in a very specific situation.

If it was me, and I really was concerned about the partner being cheated on, I would talk to the person doing the cheating. That way, they might be prompted to rethink their situation.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 03/01/2023 11:42

user1471427614 · 03/01/2023 09:44

I find it disturbing how many peoe say to mind your own business....almost like you all think it's ok to be having any affair.

Personally I would let her know

Same

liveforsummer · 03/01/2023 11:42

No one told my ex anything, if you read my post correctly

But if they had it wouldn't have been anyone fault but your own for the consequences. You entered an affair knowing what they were and the messenger, if they knew for sure, would have simply been telling the truth. In this case we have no idea if it's the case, which is the main reason OP is being told to keep her nose out.

butterfliedtwo · 03/01/2023 11:42

ChocChipOwl · 03/01/2023 10:00

You have no idea if they have an open marriage. She may well know already.

Exactly.

Flounder2022 · 03/01/2023 11:45

user1471427614 · 03/01/2023 09:44

I find it disturbing how many peoe say to mind your own business....almost like you all think it's ok to be having any affair.

Personally I would let her know

She doesn't know he is having an affair. Maybe they are separated but living in the same house. Maybe they have an open marriage. Maybe he is having an affair.

FloydPepper · 03/01/2023 11:47

You’re doing a lot of extrapolating and projecting

she seems nice quiet and homely
hes out pretending he’s a single man

you know nothing about these people, their relationship, what (if anything) is going on. Whilst I think people have the right to know of affairs, piling in here when you know nothing isn’t a great idea

FernCurl · 03/01/2023 11:48

liveforsummer · 03/01/2023 11:42

No one told my ex anything, if you read my post correctly

But if they had it wouldn't have been anyone fault but your own for the consequences. You entered an affair knowing what they were and the messenger, if they knew for sure, would have simply been telling the truth. In this case we have no idea if it's the case, which is the main reason OP is being told to keep her nose out.

I'm not claiming I wouldn't have had responsibility for it. But I also have zero regrets for the affair that I had. The "truth" n that situation was that I was involved with someone who showed me love and kindness, after I had been battered while pregnant and lost a baby. A baby that I had to birth, dead, on my own in the hospital. So no I'm not sorry for turning to someone else who was kind to me after that. What my neighbours might have seen from the outside however might have looked very different. And I am very glad that they didn't judge me and act accordingly.

Stickmansmum · 03/01/2023 11:49

hellosunshineagainxxx · 03/01/2023 11:42

Same

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Yep

Quarique · 03/01/2023 11:51

I am a wife, if its me I want to know. I would need some proof though, times dates names, otherwise its too easy to think its malicious. If I were you I would write down all the details and have a think about it.

Stickmansmum · 03/01/2023 11:51

If more people shared what they know about affairs, it would be harder for people to cheat their partners. It should be standard to tell people once you know.

CornishGem1975 · 03/01/2023 11:54

I'd keep my nose out of other peoples business!

Happygirl79 · 03/01/2023 11:54

Keep out of it. Not your business

FloydPepper · 03/01/2023 11:54

Stickmansmum · 03/01/2023 11:51

If more people shared what they know about affairs, it would be harder for people to cheat their partners. It should be standard to tell people once you know.

But the op doesn’t know
shes thinks she’s seen one thing and has extrapolated that, with no knowledge whatsoever about these people

tell what you know, yep
tell based on nothing, nope

RocketIceLollie · 03/01/2023 11:55

Nope, I still retain the view it's none of your business. It's not going to make it any easier or better for someone finding out about an affair from a next door neighbour. If anything it'll only add to the pain and humiliation.

1994girl · 03/01/2023 11:57

Stop being nosey

LuluBlakey1 · 03/01/2023 11:57

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:30

I have found out that one of our neighbours appears to be having an affair. He is married with a child. We don't really know one another although I know his and his wife's names. I don't know the woman I saw him with.
I don't know whether to post an anonymous note to his wife or not.
I also don't know if my own experience is affecting my judgement. Years ago, one of my neighbours tried telling me my own husband was having an affair. She didn't do it directly and I didn't cotton on so it was only later when I found out about his affair that I realised what she had been trying to tell me. I felt grateful she had tried to intervene.

You sound like a judgemental person. It's none of your business. You are entitled to a view but should not interfere.

ReneBumsWombats · 03/01/2023 11:58

Oh good God stay out of it. This is beyond curtain twitching. It is absolutely none of your business.

And anonymous notes are indeed shitty. No way of assessing the information and deciding you've got the right to meddle in other people's lives but the only person who shouldn't have any consequences is you. Nothing remotely noble about it.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 03/01/2023 11:59

Fladdermus · 03/01/2023 09:49

An annonymous note is a cowardly and shitty way to communicate anything, under any circumstances. Under these circumstances it's vicious and really nasty.

I completely agree with this. I despise anonymous-note writers as craven cowards. It's really low behaviour.

Most people who are any distance into their adulthood will have experienced enough angst in their own lives. Why anyone would want to involve themselves in someone else's, when it's none of their business whatsoever, completely escapes me.