If you saw a neighbour having an affair?

[CheeseOnToastFan]

I have found out that one of our neighbours appears to be having an affair. He is married with a child. We don't really know one another although I know his and his wife's names. I don't know the woman I saw him with.
I don't know whether to post an anonymous note to his wife or not.
I also don't know if my own experience is affecting my judgement. Years ago, one of my neighbours tried telling me my own husband was having an affair. She didn't do it directly and I didn't cotton on so it was only later when I found out about his affair that I realised what she had been trying to tell me. I felt grateful she had tried to intervene.

That is not what is happening here.
The OP knows absolutely nothing.
She doesn't even know these people.
It is not comparable to your situation.

A few years ago while at a museum I saw one of my neighbours with another woman - looked like he was having an affair. Didn’t say anything as it was none of our business. He’s still with his wife.

Well what she described was the woman snogging the man and him briefly but awkwardly reciprocating. Not ok of course but we know nothing else of the situation and as a stand alone event does not an affair make!

Maybe she knows.

Not everyone is monogamous.

You know nothing about their marriage, you don't know if the homely wife knows, doesn't care, has her own arrangement, or anything really. You tell her and then what? Because whatever happens, good or bad, you have contributed to that. You might be the messenger who confirms what she knows or you might be the messenger who shatters her life. You need to be prepared for that and you won't be the one picking up the pieces, will you? Leave them alone, whatever will happen, will happen and you won't have meddled in it.

Not your monkeys. Not your circus.

My mum once walked past my dad's relative who was in full view walking hand in hand with another woman. He was known for it and I think his wife knew but stayed. Mum didn't say anything.

Mum had been cheated on by dad in years previous to that. She found out because the OW was stalking her and she was good friends with the neighbours who flagged it up (note they knew each other well). OW said she was waiting for the right moment to run my mum over (complete nutcase).

In light of this extreme example, I think it's best to not say anything. Yes it's sad. Yes it's unfair, yes our own experiences shape things. It's going to affect you but it's also not your problem.

I would not interfere, it's none of my business.

True- to be fair I'd missed that update! Probably safe to say it wasn't his sister though!

If you only know their names, and are not even on regular talking terms, please do not mention it. It is nothing to do with you at all. You are crossing a line interfering in another family's business.

Whatever you do will be difficult - he may well end his affair after realising this is wrong - if you tell the wife - you will have done the 'right' thing - but create a sequence of events that cannot be undone

No - no - no

I would not want to talk to her directly because if he finds out who told her you will get the grief from them.

You don’t know them. You don’t know their circumstances. You know nothing about their relationship. I would say nothing.
If they were friends, my advice would be the opposite.

Mind your own business. You are not close to them, you do not know their situation and nothing good can come from you involving yourself in this.

I would stay out of it? You don’t know them well enough to get involved

I would prefer to be told the facts you have - no more, no less. No embellishments or interpretations. I'm not sure I would have the courage to tell someone hard facts face to face though, and anything less is not kind. So if you can't do it properly, don't do it at all.

Their your neighbours that you aren't even friends with, keep your nose out you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors she might already know about it an doesn't need neighbours poking their nose in.

But you haven't seen any evidence of him having an affair. Your latest update says it was an uncomfortable (for him) snog.
I wouldn't say anything in the circumstances.

Before you said he looked uncomfortable I was going to say just go up to her and say what you saw. Saying you’d want to know in the same situation but you won’t say anything to anyone else and it’s up to her to ignore you if she wants.
But if he looked uncomfortable then why do you think that?

DO NOT GET INVOLVED! You have no idea what the dynamics are in that household. My dad had an affair years ago, and someone sent my mum an anonymous note about it. Somehow my dad talked his way out of it and it continued for a few more years. However, when my mum did eventually find out, she did always say she would never do the same thing as she felt that no one knows the dynamics involved in the household. It could lead to the breakup of the marriage, kids being traumatised, wife ending up homeless, or any number of other consequences. If you're really concerned, talk to HIM.

They might have an arrangement where she knows about it. You sticking your nose in could cause her embarrassment.

If you knew them well then you would know them to know how well received your information would be.

As you don’t know them then you should not interfere.

I'd want to know and I wouldn't care if it was an anonymous note.

She might tell him, she might ignore it or she might (hopefully) do some digging.

To not let her know would eat away at me.

I would write down what you saw, when and where though, not "your husband is having an affair".

What sort of kiss?

A few weeks DH was in the pub, while he was at the bar a female walked in. They hugged and kissed (on the cheek) and sat down together. All this was witnessed by someone who knows us both.

About half an hour later I also walked into the pub, WITH the females husband (and two other friends) we’d been to a meeting and our spouses had been waiting for us in the pub.

Now the other person (who I hadn’t noticed) had been thinking about calling me to tell me DH was having an affair. She just couldn’t even consider that a man and a woman can actually be friends and even after I walked in and greeted DHs “lover” in the the same way he had she told me that DH can’t be trusted.

Men and women can be friends without there being an affair, men and women can greet each other affectionately without there being an affair.

Unless you have definite proof of an affair then keep out of it.

Not your friend, not even an acquaintance.

Seems you’re thinking more of your own circumstances and what you would have liked to have happened.

Leave them alone, he’ll be found out or will leave/confess. You don’t know their circumstances or what is actually going on.