My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

If you saw a neighbour having an affair?

237 replies

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:30

I have found out that one of our neighbours appears to be having an affair. He is married with a child. We don't really know one another although I know his and his wife's names. I don't know the woman I saw him with.
I don't know whether to post an anonymous note to his wife or not.
I also don't know if my own experience is affecting my judgement. Years ago, one of my neighbours tried telling me my own husband was having an affair. She didn't do it directly and I didn't cotton on so it was only later when I found out about his affair that I realised what she had been trying to tell me. I felt grateful she had tried to intervene.

OP posts:
Report
elvislives2012 · 03/01/2023 09:31

Personally I'd stay out of it. It's nothing to do with you

Report
Menomenon · 03/01/2023 09:31

I’d mind my own business.

Report
bestchristmasever · 03/01/2023 09:32

How do you know the woman he was with was an affair partner?

Report
newyearnewlife2023 · 03/01/2023 09:33

Do you really want to embroil yourself in a such a tangled web when you don't even really know the people?
You say 'appears ' to be having. Imagine if you got it wrong and messed up someone's family?
Personally, I'd stay clear.

Report
CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:33

bestchristmasever · 03/01/2023 09:32

How do you know the woman he was with was an affair partner?

I saw them embrace and kiss.

OP posts:
Report
MrsSkylerWhite · 03/01/2023 09:33

Did you see them in the act? If not, an affair’s a big leap for someone you know nothing about.

Its not your concern.

Report
GladiatorSandals · 03/01/2023 09:33

What exactly have you ‘found out’? If you don’t even know him or his wife by name, surely it’s possible you’ve misread the situation? Either way, it strikes me as none of your business.

Report
Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2023 09:33

Just because you would have been grateful doesn’t mean this woman will be.
I understand why you want to tell her but you can’t

Report
bestchristmasever · 03/01/2023 09:34

I embrace and kiss my brother, my male best friend and female friends. We are not having an affair.

Report
CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:35

bestchristmasever · 03/01/2023 09:34

I embrace and kiss my brother, my male best friend and female friends. We are not having an affair.

What I saw was not an embrace and a kiss between siblings or friends.

OP posts:
Report
Pansypotter123 · 03/01/2023 09:35

It's Christmas and New Year - everyone kisses and embraces. Well, that's how it would appear to me 🙄

Report
Anisina · 03/01/2023 09:36

Keep your beak out.

Report
hobbledyhoy · 03/01/2023 09:39

You don't have any evidence or know the background of the situation. You may mean well but you could set off some very unpleasant consequences, on a conclusion you have reached based only on appearances and your own experience which may skew your judgement.
Leave it alone.

Report
Pinkdelight3 · 03/01/2023 09:40

It'd be one thing if she was your friend but you don't know any of them nor anything about their relationship. I'd mind my own business and stay out of it.

Report
Catapultaway · 03/01/2023 09:42

Another vote for keep out of it. None of your business.

Report
WandaWonder · 03/01/2023 09:42

The only way you could think it is is a good idea is if you expect to be thanked nicely by the person being cheated on (if that was the case)

So in a way it is about your feelings not theirs

Report
Anisina · 03/01/2023 09:42

Sending anonymous notes is creepy.

Report
user1471427614 · 03/01/2023 09:44

I find it disturbing how many peoe say to mind your own business....almost like you all think it's ok to be having any affair.

Personally I would let her know

Report
GoldenCagedBird · 03/01/2023 09:46

Don’t send anonymous notes or texts. It’s too easily explained away as a malicious acquaintance or crazy ex.

i would however just speak to her and ask if she is coping with the co-parenting and co-habiting situation ok. “Eh, Why do you say that?”- she asks. Because you saw Kevin with his new girlfriend

Come from a place of concern. Non confrontational. Offer the information that she asks for.

Report
tattychicken · 03/01/2023 09:46

I would try to let her know, but how to actually do that is tricky! Anonymous notes can be dismissed by the DH quite easily, but not sure how else you could do it. At least it might sow the seed in her mind so she start her own investigation.

Report
Anisina · 03/01/2023 09:47

I don't think it's ok to have an affair but equally I don't think it's ok to send an anonymous note to a neighbour when you don't know all the facts.

Report
AnnaTortoiseshell · 03/01/2023 09:47

If I had proof (I.e. photo/video evidence of the affair) I would share that with her. Otherwise you’re a stranger to her and she won’t believe your word over his. You’ve then let him know that he needs to be more discrete and probably made it harder for her to find out the truth.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

CheeseOnToastFan · 03/01/2023 09:48

WandaWonder · 03/01/2023 09:42

The only way you could think it is is a good idea is if you expect to be thanked nicely by the person being cheated on (if that was the case)

So in a way it is about your feelings not theirs

I do not want to be thanked at all. Just that his wife seems a nice, quiet woman. A homely sort of person. I just think it's wrong that he's acting this way with another woman.

OP posts:
Report
IglesiasPiggl · 03/01/2023 09:48

It is a tricky situation but you don't really know any of these people well enough to intervene. It's one thing if you find this out about a close friend or colleague but different if you hardly know them.

Report
Fladdermus · 03/01/2023 09:49

An annonymous note is a cowardly and shitty way to communicate anything, under any circumstances. Under these circumstances it's vicious and really nasty.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.