Hi Anotherporkypie
re your comments in quotemarks
"2 weeks on I have barely had any contact with my parents which is cutting me up since it seems to say to me that they care more about being able to socialise with a paedophile if they want to than being sensitive to me. That really hurts".
Its not your fault they have decided to not talk to you; that is on them. I would enjoy the radio silence and peace from their witterings. Indeed the whole family image of wholesomeness and appearances along with their own reputation as a family are to them are all important; look at their attitude when your cousin was sexually assaulted. It is all kept quiet and behind closed doors but abuse also thrives on secrecy. They think abuse brings shame to their door and they have and will continue to victim blame. They do not believe that abuse is the sole fault of the perpatrater.
Your abuser was and remains very much a master manipulator. Sometimes, the person who abuses may come across as a model citizen, successful executive, or doting parent, which adds to the confusion. Many abusers also are quite plausible to the outside world.
Other reasons for disbelief may include:
the reputation of the family is at stake
talking about abuse is considered taboo
the person who hurt you is the head of the household
the truth could threaten resources or finances
fear of stirring the pot or breaking up the family unit
other survivors in the family are not ready to speak up
religious expectations around abstinence
"I don’t know whether his attitude is down to some dementia- he is 87 with a condition that can lead to dementia attributes and wether like when people are drunk the hidden characteristics get played out when you are free of inhibition. If that is the case I don’t know what to think ".
I would not put this down to his current ill heath either. He has always thought like this and has been victim blaming his entire life. He was once young and abusive and now he is old, in not so good health and abusive. He has maintained contact with your abuser and originally intended to spend time with him for his significant birthday. People maintaining contact with their child's abuse is not an unknown scenario at all and is likely to be more common than many people realise. Like many toxic parents as well neither of your parents here have at all apologised or accepted any responsibility for their actions.
"Do I give him a pass and put his behaviour down to his long term illness or do I as I have done, call him out on it and face the consequences in this case , the silent treatment from both of them".
Its a no from me to the first part of your above sentence. You're already getting the silent treatment aka emotional abuse from them now as they have not bothered to contact you. There is no real point calling him out on it yet again because he really does not have any empathy or insight. All he'll do is shout you down as he has done before leaving you feeling even more crap. They have failed you and continue to fail as both people and parents.
Do keep trying with NAPAC. Think they also have a chat facility.