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Original poster

Who usually pays on a date

156 replies

Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 13:29

Just wondering really.....

Been out this weekend for food and drinks Saturday and Sunday with a man I've been casually seeing for a few weeks.

With regards the drinks we went in rounds which I think is fair enough. He paid for the food but when leaving the restaurant handed me the receipt which I took as his way of letting me know how much I owed. When I got home I sent him the money for the couple of meals we'd had.

I've been out of the dating game a very, very long time as had been married 21 years. I have no issue with paying my way, but watching First Dates last night made me realise that men usually pay on a date. And if I'm being really honest I would have been very impressed if he had done and not handed me the receipt!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 19/09/2022 13:31

You should have offered to pay your share or even had a discussion about it while you were on the date. Its a bit sexist to expect him to pay

Everydaywheniwakeup · 19/09/2022 13:31

I would not expect a man to pay for me and would insist on paying my share.

Unicorn717 · 19/09/2022 13:32

I wouldn't expect someone else to pay for me.

inmyslippers · 19/09/2022 13:32

In the early stages of dating I'd expect the guy to be a gent and offer to pay. After time goes on and it's established relationship I'd like to treat them. If a guy didn't share this mentality he's probably not the one for me. It's whatever you feel comfortable with.

JangolinaPitt · 19/09/2022 13:32

Find it incredible on this day and age that you would expect the man to foot the whole bill. How embarrassing for him to have to give you the receipt before you took the hint

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 19/09/2022 13:35

50/50. If he bought dinner on the last date, I’d get dinner the next time.

I get this whole men paying for stuff stems from back in the day when women weren’t even allowed their own bank account, but I like to be an equal in a relationship.

dementedpixie · 19/09/2022 13:35

Either pay half or take turns at paying

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/09/2022 13:41

I always buy the first round of drinks because then if it’s clear we aren’t really a match I can make my excuses without the awkward dance of feeling as if they might feel I’ve been a cheapskate chancer. If it is going well, I’d then expect the other party to buy the next round and then keep alternating after that. Always insist on 50/50 on dates thereafter. No adult should expect another to pay for them. I date both men and women and it would be ludicrous to have some weird idea that men should always pay for women but then switch it around for a woman just because the sex of my date was different.

Original poster
Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 13:42

JangolinaPitt · 19/09/2022 13:32

Find it incredible on this day and age that you would expect the man to foot the whole bill. How embarrassing for him to have to give you the receipt before you took the hint

He paid while I was in the toilet, then was standing ready to leave when I got back. I said oh wait we need to pay the bill and he said I've sorted it then handed me the receipt.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 19/09/2022 13:42

I would expect to pay my own way.

superflyin · 19/09/2022 13:43

It's totally sexist but I expect the man to pay on the first date. I would always offer and be prepared to split though. I would then pay for the second date.

That's my preference. The caveat to it is if it's an OLD and there's no spark (and I won't see him again), I will split the bill even if it means wrestling the bill out of his hand.

If you're new to dating OP or a little older it's not unreasonable to think the old fashioned way still applies. You should always offer and be prepared to split at the table.

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 13:44

I'd have offered to pay half the bill in the restaurant.

However, him handing you the receipt like that is really off putting. I wouldn't see him again

Original poster
Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 13:45

He'd ordered us a takeaway the night before and paid online so again I just sent him the money but it wasn't mentioned.

I've posted as I think I am a bit old fashioned in my way of thinking. He has paid for a hotel on a weekend away once and then I paid for the meal out that we had.

OP posts:
Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 19/09/2022 13:47

I'd go halves for the first couple of dates and then if you start dating regularly, alternate who pays each time. That's how I did it anyway when I was dating.

Original poster
Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 13:48

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 13:44

I'd have offered to pay half the bill in the restaurant.

However, him handing you the receipt like that is really off putting. I wouldn't see him again

Yes it has given me the ick a bit I won't lie, it's the second time he's done it (I was in the toilet and he paid last time too). I feel he thinks it would be impolite/awkward to split the bill at the table or even discuss it so chooses to pay then hope that I'll send him the money.

There are a couple of other minor issues coupled with this make me unsure whether to continue it.

OP posts:
7amByTheSeaPlease · 19/09/2022 13:49

I'm traditional and I find it hideously unattractive when a man won't even treat a woman to a meal and a few drinks. Shoot me 🤷🏼‍♀️

MrsMontyD · 19/09/2022 13:52

If he wanted to go halves he should have waited to pay the bill.

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 13:52

What's his financial situation? If he's well off, then it's even worse. But it's not so much about the money...it would just feel so petty and mean spirited to hand over the receipt so you can make a bank transfer. Hardly romantic behaviour. No wonder you've got the ick. Send him on his way.

youlightupmyday · 19/09/2022 13:55

When DP and I started dating 2 years ago at 49 and 47. He insisted on paying for meals and was offended that I tried. However, he accepted that I wanted to pay my way so we settled on me buying the pre dinner cocktails occasionally or getting a takeaway.

We now live together, he always pays when we go out and or travel/ hotels, I get the in-house treats and ...his clothes 🤣

TBH after being married 20 years I wasn't sure either but we both were comfortable with that dynamic. He also said he had an overwhelming desire to provide and protect me, which was quite old fashioned and caused a few discussions.

Mummysharkargggggggg · 19/09/2022 13:55

I'd always insist on paying half.

itsnotdeep · 19/09/2022 13:55

I think it's very unappealing that he won't talk about it and sneaks the bill when you're in the loo. But maybe he thinks you're leaving to go to the loo to avoid paying.

I would expect to pay half. I normally have a discussion about it at the outset.

That said, I'm dating a very rich man at the moment who usually pays as we go to very nice restaurants (at his choice) generally! (we did have a discussion about it and I've bought drinks and taken him to dinner too)

Drcrane · 19/09/2022 14:00

MrsMontyD · 19/09/2022 13:52

If he wanted to go halves he should have waited to pay the bill.

My friends boyfriend pays all the bills when they go out then invoices her for half through PayPal because it would emasculate him for the staff to know she pays half.

Belladonnamama · 19/09/2022 14:02

I'm old fashioned and have no experience with dating now.When I met my DH 23 years ago he paid for everything. With the emergence of OLD it's not practical to expect a man to pay for the meal and drinks. He could be seeing a few people a few times a week.

I would definately offer to split the bill.

Blueberrywitch · 19/09/2022 14:03

I would expect the man to pay for first date, then income disparity would decide the rest - if they’re very wealthy then they’re paying for most dinners and I’ll pay for some, or get brunch and coffee and the cheaper out outings, so we are maybe alternating paying but they’re actually spending more money, in the ratio of wealth disparity.

If we earn then same ish then it’s each pays for one event, in rounds. Splitting the bill would make me seal up, in dating it should be each treating the other, even if overall it’s 50:50 spend wise.

Blueberrywitch · 19/09/2022 14:05

If OLD the first date wouldn’t normally be a dinner, so the guy should definitely pay for the drinks. If a guy in OLD can’t afford a round of drinks then bloody run for the hills!!!!