Who usually pays on a date

[Namechange85]

Just wondering really.....

Been out this weekend for food and drinks Saturday and Sunday with a man I've been casually seeing for a few weeks.

With regards the drinks we went in rounds which I think is fair enough. He paid for the food but when leaving the restaurant handed me the receipt which I took as his way of letting me know how much I owed. When I got home I sent him the money for the couple of meals we'd had.

I've been out of the dating game a very, very long time as had been married 21 years. I have no issue with paying my way, but watching First Dates last night made me realise that men usually pay on a date. And if I'm being really honest I would have been very impressed if he had done and not handed me the receipt!

good lord, what a weak man!

why does your friend go along with it?
does she think this is normal/ok?

You went to the toilet at pay-time, twice?! Maybe he thinks you're doing it deliberately to get out of paying.

He has given me stranger-ick with the receipt thing though. Should just talk to you about it!

I agree that you should call things off, handing the receipt is 🫣.

He is, his masculinity is extremely fragile. They’ve been together so long it’s a mixture of love, sunken costs fallacy, thinking she won’t meet anyone else who treats her any better anyway/better the devil you know and habit. She doesn’t like it but she wants children and thinks it’s too late for her to start over with someone else and have them (the sunken costs fallacy part) so she just goes along with it.

You seem to have a weak bladder at payment time. 🤣

Yes -very convenient

She doesn’t like it but she wants children and thinks it’s too late for her to start over with someone else and have them (the sunken costs fallacy part) so she just goes along with it.

^ she needs her own thread! Having kids with someone that stingy is going to be miserable. Have a look at relationships board. Women get stuck going 50/50 on everything yet doing most of household chores, emotional Labour ect.

Half and half
sometimes i will say if you pay for this i will get next time
if they pay meal i get drinks etc
the only time i have had men insist paying for everything they have been fairly misogonist etc

This, all the way

He could have waited to ask for the bill or to settle the bill until OP has returned from the bathroom.

I would want to pay my own way. Dating is not a free meal ticket.

Same

Life is too short for this malarkey. Always go 50/50 and have the conversation before going on a date. Then there’s no ambiguity and you won’t spend trying to decipher his intentions.

So twice, when it came to the end of the meal...you went to the toilet? 🤣🤣

How very convenient of you! I'd have given you the receipt as well! Maybe you could have waited until AFTER the bill was presented before you went for your wee OP...hmm 🤔

I'm in my 70s and when young and of dating age would always pay my share so it's nothing new.

I fail to understand what's traditional about expecting someone you may have only met a couple of times to pay for you. It's mean, especially as so many women earn the same, if not more, than men these days.

I normally expect pay for the 1st date, but would expect 50/50 or “turns” after that, I would certainly expect a date to be able to pay her way.

I used to work with someone (emphasis on used to, good riddance), who would go out about once a week on a on line date, purely to get a meal bought for her. The second date was never forthcoming, not was it her intention that there should be one.

Sorry Op,
Its a whole new world out there where in general the absolute norm is for both partners to split the bill as a given.
If paying your way gives you the ick, you're going to be single for a long time.
Its absolutely the norm now particularly when the couple are only dating a very short time and it could end in the morning.

He probably figured that if he didn't she wasn't going to offer. It's always polite to offer - he then has the choice of accepting or insisting on pay it all. But to assume is just grabby.

This! He probably thinks that you have deliberately tried to get out of contributing to the bill twice.

Back in the early 80's when I was young and single I insisted on paying half and I find it incredible that 40 years later some women think a vagina means they don't have to pay their way. If I was a man, I would find that an immediate red flag.

Tricky as I've never done a full weekend where I have been out eating and drinking all weekend.... but as someone who dated someone who was tight AF till this day... (now have a child together). The signs were there I just didn't realise.

I would be very vigilant. If it was the first date and the man asked me out on that date yes too right I expect him to pay. Not for all the other dates after.... but the first one yes it's a matter of common curtesy/principle.

Handing you the bill.. yuck !! Honestly this determination for "equality" in dating has been the worse thing ever for women , men now don't have to make any effort at all.

Yes I agree I think.

Always go Dutch. You are equals.

If you want to be equal in your relationship, then start out that way. I'm perfectly capable of earning money and don't need a man I barely know to pay for stuff for me. If you want to be seen as a princess who needs looking after, then get the man to pay.

IME (and I'm quite old and thought this had all been sorted ages ago!), the person doing the first asking out, pays for the first meal, or at least offers to. The other person then insists on going halves or 'I'll get it next time'.

Equality and equal respect in a relationship is very important IMO and it starts on date 1.