Page 5 | Who usually pays on a date

Namechange85 · 2022-09-19T12:29:40+00:00

Just wondering really..... Been out this weekend for food and drinks Saturday and Sunday with a man I've been casually seeing for a few weeks. With regards the drinks we went in rounds which I think is fair enough. He paid for the food but when leaving the restaurant handed me the receipt which I took as his way of letting me know how much I owed. When I got home I sent him the money for the couple of meals we'd had. I've been out of the dating game a very, very long time as had been married 21 years. I have no issue with paying my way, but watching First Dates last night made me realise that men usually pay on a date. And if I'm being really honest I would have been very impressed if he had done and not handed me the receipt!

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 21:22

Talon01 · 19/09/2022 21:18

What do we want 'equality'

When do we want it 'when it suits'

Modern feminist nonsense at it's finest

Show quote history

That’s really how it seems. We can’t pick and choose; are we demanding equality, or do we want to be viewed and treated as special little princesses who don’t shoulder our fair share of the responsibilities?

FloydPepper · 19/09/2022 21:24

“My date keeps disappearing to the toilet when it’s time to pay, what should I do”

”give him the receipt and make him pay his share”

is how it would go if you were a bloke…

LostMyUserName · 19/09/2022 21:28

I think he gave you the receipt to evidence he had paid as you’d said we need to pay. However it wasn’t clear.

KatherineJaneway · 19/09/2022 21:28

JulesCobb · 19/09/2022 21:14

Why are people repeatedly saying receipt instead of the bill?!

OP said he handed her the "receipt"

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 19/09/2022 21:45

Bananarama21 · 19/09/2022 20:58

Why are you always going to the toilet when the bill needs paying. Sounds like your doing it on purpose and he's shaming you into paying your half. Good for him its the 21st century.

Twice is not always.

stickynoter · 19/09/2022 21:46

JulesCobb · 19/09/2022 21:14

Why are people repeatedly saying receipt instead of the bill?!

You get the bill at the end of the meal to let you know how much to pay. Once you have paid it is the receipt

OPs date had already paid so she was right to call it the receipt

stickynoter · 19/09/2022 21:47

Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 19:35

So I've just had a message from him asking why I sent him money as it was his treat....! Then why give me the receipt!

I would've replied to his message and said you had presumed that's why he'd given you the receipt and if he said it wasn't, I'd have asked why he handed it to me then

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 21:48

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 19/09/2022 21:45

Twice is not always.

Show quote history

Twice in two dates is.

The OP’s using online dating, the last chance saloon of the undateable, that’s not the place to be playing silly nuggets when the bill comes.

Pyewhacket · 19/09/2022 21:58

You're overthinking it. Offer to pay next time. If there is a next time.

Whatsthepointofmosquitos · 19/09/2022 22:00

It’s weird he handed you the receipt. It’s like he wanted the restaurant staff to think he was paying but didn’t want to really do so?

Anyway what is usual for a first date is

bill comes
you offer to go 50:50
if he is interested in a relationship (or much richer than you) he insists on paying all of it
if he isn’t much interested in seeing you again (or you’re much richer than him), then he accepts your offer to pay half.
next date is more complicated 50:50 would be more usual then.

Sneakily paying while you’re in the loo is usually a way of paying the while bill without debate as a nice gesture, it’s odd to do that and then accept money back.

He sounds a bit weird to me.

Namechangenoidea · 19/09/2022 22:13

I would not go on a second date if the man didnt pay for dinner. I would offer though, but I would hope he would decline.

OldFan · 19/09/2022 22:26

Why are you always going to the toilet when the bill needs paying

I would always go to the loo after drinks with a meal, ready for the journey home.
The other person can always wait with the bill till I come back if needed.

InThatCaseCanIHaveARaise · 19/09/2022 22:30

if he is interested in a relationship (or much richer than you) he insists on paying all of it
if he isn’t much interested in seeing you again (or you’re much richer than him), then he accepts your offer to pay half.

What a load of tosh!

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 22:38

OldFan · 19/09/2022 22:26

Why are you always going to the toilet when the bill needs paying

I would always go to the loo after drinks with a meal, ready for the journey home.
The other person can always wait with the bill till I come back if needed.

Or, of course, you could wait for the bill, split it, and then you can both go to the toilet.

I suppose though that that does mean that you’re less likely to get a feee meal, and that does seem to be what many posters here think really matters.

bert3400 · 19/09/2022 22:45

It seems he likes the glory of paying the bill but not the reality of it . I would fuck him off totally. I'm all for paying my way but his behaviour is weird.

Original poster

Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 23:08

I haven't mentioned that we met via online dating @JenJones5.
We met in person through mutual friends, although I'm not quite sure what this has to do with anything.

We spoke on the phone this evening, I'll be honest I didn't have the balls or the energy to bring it up. If we decide to go out again I'll make sure I don't go to the toilet at bill time and just tell him I'm paying half...if he really did want to treat me this time (as he said) then I'd expect he'd do it next time instead.

OP posts:

Almostthere1 · 19/09/2022 23:17

Why can’t it be a personal preference, why does it have to be ‘one rule for all’? My boyfriend always pays for meals out and he’s been like that since our first date. That’s his way of showing that he cares about me - and I like it and find it attractive. It’s not only about the money - it’s what this gesture represents to him and to me.

He also understands that my income is much lower than his and I simply cannot afford eating out too often. However, I pay for the odd coffee/small treats.

stickynoter · 19/09/2022 23:27

Almostthere1 · 19/09/2022 23:17

Why can’t it be a personal preference, why does it have to be ‘one rule for all’? My boyfriend always pays for meals out and he’s been like that since our first date. That’s his way of showing that he cares about me - and I like it and find it attractive. It’s not only about the money - it’s what this gesture represents to him and to me.

He also understands that my income is much lower than his and I simply cannot afford eating out too often. However, I pay for the odd coffee/small treats.

I think years ago this was fairly typical and stems from the fact that back then the woman would have much less income and be less likely to afford regular meals out etc

However, given that times have changed so much and in most cases this is no longer true, don't see why the trend of men being expected to pay has continued??

Personally I always offer on the 1st date but it has never been accepted. If I don't fit see a second day I decline and make sure it's 50/50. If it looks like a second date is on the cards I accept but then insist on paying the 2nd time.

Rather than split the bill 50/50 each time I typically take it in turns of paying the full amount.

madasawethen · 19/09/2022 23:47

He pays.

Men have gotten into a habit of picking and choosing what parts of traditional they want to do and it's always to their advantage.

When women earn as much, aren't subjected to pink tax, men take responsibility for birth control, men do their fair share of childcare and other wifework, don't take huge income, career, and pension drops when they have children, don't have to wait around for the guy to propose because he's suddenly"traditional", then women can pay.

But until then, he can pay.

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 00:00

madasawethen · 19/09/2022 23:47

He pays.

Men have gotten into a habit of picking and choosing what parts of traditional they want to do and it's always to their advantage.

When women earn as much, aren't subjected to pink tax, men take responsibility for birth control, men do their fair share of childcare and other wifework, don't take huge income, career, and pension drops when they have children, don't have to wait around for the guy to propose because he's suddenly"traditional", then women can pay.

But until then, he can pay.

We out-earn men from when we start working and continue to do so into our thirties now, only dropping behind as a cohort as we are more likely to choose to take a career break when we have children than men are.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 20/09/2022 00:19

Surprised at a lot of these responses.

I believe in 50/50. I don't want a man who doesn't see me as equal or feels emasculated if I pay.

Besttobe8001 · 20/09/2022 02:02

madasawethen · 19/09/2022 23:47

He pays.

Men have gotten into a habit of picking and choosing what parts of traditional they want to do and it's always to their advantage.

When women earn as much, aren't subjected to pink tax, men take responsibility for birth control, men do their fair share of childcare and other wifework, don't take huge income, career, and pension drops when they have children, don't have to wait around for the guy to propose because he's suddenly"traditional", then women can pay.

But until then, he can pay.

My boyfriend does his own housework, wears condoms, and earns about a third of what I do. We won't be having children. We go halves or I pay!

HuntingoftheSnark · 20/09/2022 06:39

Interestingly different views. I'm with @JenJones5 on this in general - I'd want to pay half and wouldn't want to be "looked after" or have a man assume that he earned more by virtue of his being male.

However, in this instance OP's date is sending mixed messages - handing over the receipt does read "you owe me half" - then, embarrassed perhaps that she did so, he realised it looked less than generous on his part so backtracked. Odd but not insurmountable.

AllAloneInThisHouse · 20/09/2022 06:52

Why has paying for dates have become the symbol of equality (that we do not have)?

Why aren’t men showing they want an equal relationship and taking on half of the house chores?
(And yes, that comes after first date).

To me it seems it’s the men who want an ”equal” relationshis, when it suits them.

Women just do and give more and get less than ever in return.

This is a silly hill to die on, and it only serves men.

Popvan · 20/09/2022 07:09

Yes, you should have replied 'I thought that's why you gave me the receipt, so I could send you the money.'
You're not a mind-reader.

Next time start totting up the meal, when finished get your share of the money out.