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Original poster

Who usually pays on a date

156 replies

Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 13:29

Just wondering really.....

Been out this weekend for food and drinks Saturday and Sunday with a man I've been casually seeing for a few weeks.

With regards the drinks we went in rounds which I think is fair enough. He paid for the food but when leaving the restaurant handed me the receipt which I took as his way of letting me know how much I owed. When I got home I sent him the money for the couple of meals we'd had.

I've been out of the dating game a very, very long time as had been married 21 years. I have no issue with paying my way, but watching First Dates last night made me realise that men usually pay on a date. And if I'm being really honest I would have been very impressed if he had done and not handed me the receipt!

OP posts:
Comedycook · 19/09/2022 19:47

Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 19:35

So I've just had a message from him asking why I sent him money as it was his treat....! Then why give me the receipt!

I'd have to ask him why he handed over the receipt?! Please ask him op..just say "oh, so why did you give me the receipt then?"

Original poster
Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 19:58

After reading feedback on here I replied to say that I didn't want him thinking of gone to the loo to avoid paying my share!! As that is not what I was doing at all!

OP posts:
Comedycook · 19/09/2022 19:59

What did he say to that op?

YumYummy · 19/09/2022 20:03

I don’t like the receipt thing, it’s like he wants to seem as if he’s paying.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 19/09/2022 20:03

I'm all for paying my own way but I do feel it's gentlemanly to pay on the first couple of dates. I know it's old fashioned.

homarrrer · 19/09/2022 20:07

I would expect him to pay.

I've always been of the view that if a man likes you and wants to continue dating that he will pay. I think it is a sign of how they will be in a relationship. I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent.

ILoveMyBedTooMuch · 19/09/2022 20:09

Surely it is easy to have an adult conversation about this? Can I pay ? Can we go halves? OK well I will pay next time etc. Too much fuss over nothing.

7amByTheSeaPlease · 19/09/2022 20:10

homarrrer · 19/09/2022 20:07

I would expect him to pay.

I've always been of the view that if a man likes you and wants to continue dating that he will pay. I think it is a sign of how they will be in a relationship. I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent.

Me too. A bit of tradition is okay with me. I want a man to be stronger than me, older than me and if I'm really honest wealthier than me. I am still independent and I like to treat a partner too - but I like the feeling of being looked after by someone.

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 20:11

homarrrer · 19/09/2022 20:07

I would expect him to pay.

I've always been of the view that if a man likes you and wants to continue dating that he will pay. I think it is a sign of how they will be in a relationship. I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent.

It’s perfectly possible that the man would like to be looked after too.

I have to say, given the efforts I put in at work to ensuring fairness and diversity that I’d not be employing someone with sexist views like I am seeing on here.

7amByTheSeaPlease · 19/09/2022 20:12

It’s perfectly possible that the man would like to be looked after too.

🤮

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 20:25

7amByTheSeaPlease · 19/09/2022 20:12

It’s perfectly possible that the man would like to be looked after too.

🤮

Why the childish response? If you want someone to take you and your particular issues on would it be too much to ask that you share the bill for a date too?

InThatCaseCanIHaveARaise · 19/09/2022 20:29

homarrrer · 19/09/2022 20:07

I would expect him to pay.

I've always been of the view that if a man likes you and wants to continue dating that he will pay. I think it is a sign of how they will be in a relationship. I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent.

I’m of the opinion that if he likes you then he’s happy to go halves. There are some men who think they’re owed something in return because they’ve shelled out for dinner a couple of times.

OldFan · 19/09/2022 20:31

I would always go halves on a date.
But handing you the receipt on the way out was weird.

I know most women seem to expect the man to pay.

@Namechange85 The stuff he's saying sounds very odd. Maybe he wanted you to have a record of what he's spent on you? Confused He seems weird.

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 20:39

OldFan · 19/09/2022 20:31

I would always go halves on a date.
But handing you the receipt on the way out was weird.

I know most women seem to expect the man to pay.

@Namechange85 The stuff he's saying sounds very odd. Maybe he wanted you to have a record of what he's spent on you? Confused He seems weird.

He does, but then so does the OP who keeps disappearing to the toilet when the bill is due.

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 20:49

I have to say, given the efforts I put in at work to ensuring fairness and diversity that I’d not be employing someone with sexist views like I am seeing on here

But there is a world of difference between the workplace and romantic relationships. I wouldn't date a man who was a vegan or who was skinny. However, if I was on an interview panel interviewing potential candidates for a job, I would not discriminate based on a candidates weight or dietary choices.

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 20:53

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 20:49

I have to say, given the efforts I put in at work to ensuring fairness and diversity that I’d not be employing someone with sexist views like I am seeing on here

But there is a world of difference between the workplace and romantic relationships. I wouldn't date a man who was a vegan or who was skinny. However, if I was on an interview panel interviewing potential candidates for a job, I would not discriminate based on a candidates weight or dietary choices.

Which is fine, but being a vegan is not a legally protected attribute. I’d no more employ a died-in-the-wool sexist than I would an out and proud racist, and I’d expect to be backed to the hilt by HR and the law on this.

You, of course, are free to employ people who are sexist, racist, ageist or who discriminate on sexuality or maternity if you prefer, but I’d rather not.

Readaboutyourself · 19/09/2022 20:55

I would offer to split or just take turns (‘my shout, you got the last one’) but I think it’s a bit bonkers he passed you the receipt rather than openly speaking about it.

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 20:56

Which is fine, but being a vegan is not a legally protected attribute. I’d no more employ a died-in-the-wool sexist than I would an out and proud racist, and I’d expect to be backed to the hilt by HR and the law on this

You, of course, are free to employ people who are sexist, racist, ageist or who discriminate on sexuality or maternity if you prefer, but I’d rather not

Your last sentence makes no sense. I'm making the point that equality in the workplace is important and necessary. Of course people should not be discriminated against based on age, sex, race etc

However, romantic relationships are a completely different situation

Bananarama21 · 19/09/2022 20:58

Why are you always going to the toilet when the bill needs paying. Sounds like your doing it on purpose and he's shaming you into paying your half. Good for him its the 21st century.

SatInTheCorner · 19/09/2022 21:09

I like it when a man offers to pay. I don't let him/them and go half's, but the gesture is nice.

Met a guy on a 1st date once in a very expensive bar in London. He got the 1st round in and then went to get the 2nd ones in. I said no I'm paying for this one - he said 'you don't earn as much as me so I wanted to get them' not sure what I though of that, particularly as he had no idea about what I earnt.

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 21:11

SatInTheCorner · 19/09/2022 21:09

I like it when a man offers to pay. I don't let him/them and go half's, but the gesture is nice.

Met a guy on a 1st date once in a very expensive bar in London. He got the 1st round in and then went to get the 2nd ones in. I said no I'm paying for this one - he said 'you don't earn as much as me so I wanted to get them' not sure what I though of that, particularly as he had no idea about what I earnt.

Was he right though?

halfthesun · 19/09/2022 21:13

I offer to pay whole bill ... but settle at 50:50

JulesCobb · 19/09/2022 21:14

Why are people repeatedly saying receipt instead of the bill?!

Talon01 · 19/09/2022 21:18

Comedycook · 19/09/2022 20:49

I have to say, given the efforts I put in at work to ensuring fairness and diversity that I’d not be employing someone with sexist views like I am seeing on here

But there is a world of difference between the workplace and romantic relationships. I wouldn't date a man who was a vegan or who was skinny. However, if I was on an interview panel interviewing potential candidates for a job, I would not discriminate based on a candidates weight or dietary choices.

What do we want 'equality'

When do we want it 'when it suits'

Modern feminist nonsense at it's finest

jelly79 · 19/09/2022 21:20

I'd rather pay than go halves! I would always assume the man f would pay for the first date and I would pay the next time

I find handing you a receipt super odd

How did you have his bank details to transfer?