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Original poster

Who usually pays on a date

156 replies

Namechange85 · 19/09/2022 13:29

Just wondering really.....

Been out this weekend for food and drinks Saturday and Sunday with a man I've been casually seeing for a few weeks.

With regards the drinks we went in rounds which I think is fair enough. He paid for the food but when leaving the restaurant handed me the receipt which I took as his way of letting me know how much I owed. When I got home I sent him the money for the couple of meals we'd had.

I've been out of the dating game a very, very long time as had been married 21 years. I have no issue with paying my way, but watching First Dates last night made me realise that men usually pay on a date. And if I'm being really honest I would have been very impressed if he had done and not handed me the receipt!

OP posts:

Redqueenheart · 20/09/2022 07:46

I would always expect the man to pay for the first couple of dates. Any man who does not pay for the first lunch/dinner/coffee you have together is a cheapskate and not worth seeing again.

Once you are officially seeing each other regularly then you can spilt the bill or take it in turn to pay.

Notanotherchange · 20/09/2022 12:25

My BF generally pays for meals/drinks out, and gets us tickets for the cinema etc, but it evens out, but he doesn't pay for everything. I buy us event tickets, am always making him food and bringing him cakes etc, paid for entrance to an exhibit the other day and things like that.

I would say I would expect a guy to get the meal..but everyone is different.

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 12:29

Redqueenheart · 20/09/2022 07:46

I would always expect the man to pay for the first couple of dates. Any man who does not pay for the first lunch/dinner/coffee you have together is a cheapskate and not worth seeing again.

Once you are officially seeing each other regularly then you can spilt the bill or take it in turn to pay.

Why the asymmetry though?

Lpc3 · 20/09/2022 12:35

I think the man should always pay for dates etc. It's polite to offer to pay half though.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/09/2022 12:36

Redqueenheart · 20/09/2022 07:46

I would always expect the man to pay for the first couple of dates. Any man who does not pay for the first lunch/dinner/coffee you have together is a cheapskate and not worth seeing again.

Once you are officially seeing each other regularly then you can spilt the bill or take it in turn to pay.

Why “the first couple of dates” ?

If I invited a friend or colleague out a lunch I would expect to pay, but the following week if did lunch again I would expect the friend / colleague to pay?

JenJones5 · 20/09/2022 12:37

Lpc3 · 20/09/2022 12:35

I think the man should always pay for dates etc. It's polite to offer to pay half though.

Well yes, but you’re a man with a history of posting some strange stuff on here.

DahliasLove · 20/09/2022 13:38

With your update of him asking why you sent him money I would then ask why he gave you the receipt? Could be entirely innocent in that when you asked about paying he handed it over without much thought just to show that he did. Could also be a weird kind of brag.

I’m also fascinated by the differing opinions on the matter, and some people taking umbrage to people preferring it one way or another. I see equality ultimately as freedom, and for some that may mean more ‘traditional’ roles being taken, with the joy being its a personal choice and not enforced.

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/09/2022 13:57

This thread just makes me really glad that I’ve always either paid the bill myself or gone 50/50 without question. I seem to have reached the age of 35 and entirely avoided a whole load of angst about what mind games to play, when on the date I should go to the toilet, what I should say when my date offers to pay, what it means when they don’t insist, whether I should see somebody I really liked again simply because they didn’t, and which kind of date to accept. Plus I’ve never had a bad date or a bad relationship, so I’m clearly doing something which works for me. So many of these responses make me wish all women had it as easy and fun as I do.

Aprilx · 20/09/2022 17:42

JulesCobb · 19/09/2022 21:14

Why are people repeatedly saying receipt instead of the bill?!

Because he handed her the receipt, not the bill.

OldFan · 20/09/2022 20:09

I had one insist he was going to pay (before we went on the date) despite my saying I wanted to go halves. It made me somehow uncomfortable that he was pushy about it.

He also then moaned about the (quite average really) cost of the food. 😂 I still quasi-shagged him though (which revealed he has perma-impotence.)

Breakingpoint1961 · 21/09/2022 06:53

I'm mystified as to why he 'treated' you but gave you the receipt?

I'm old fashioned but not, I think it's nice for a bloke to pay for dinner, but only when I think there's a second date, where I can then pay. I'm not into taking liberties.

Darbs76 · 21/09/2022 06:55

Many men will pay on the first date, but I think women should definitely offer their share. Subsequent dates I agree should be half each, otherwise if a man is dating for a year or so, meeting different women, it’s going to be very costly paying for al the meals.

WaveyHair · 21/09/2022 07:10

Sneakily paying while you’re in the loo is usually a way of paying the while bill without debate as a nice gesture, it’s odd to do that and then accept money back.

Either he is trying to look good in front of the waiting staff/other people or incapable of having a grown up conversation about money.

FloydPepper · 21/09/2022 15:12

homarrrer · 19/09/2022 20:07

I would expect him to pay.

I've always been of the view that if a man likes you and wants to continue dating that he will pay. I think it is a sign of how they will be in a relationship. I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent.

I presume you’d also say “blah blah blah” about anything regarding equal treatment for women?

Comedycook · 21/09/2022 15:27

I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent

Same and once you have children, you'll be very much hoping that you have a man who looks after you...unless you fancy a miserable maternity leave with a pig who still expects you to pay half of everything because you know... equality.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 21/09/2022 16:53

Comedycook · 21/09/2022 15:27

I know everyone is all about everyone being treated equally blah blah but personally, I like to be looked after to a certain extent

I’m not sure that marriage is fair comparison really, the OP stated

“Been out this weekend for food and drinks Saturday and Sunday with a man I've been casually seeing for a few weeks.”

in this instance I think is completely reasonable ( and fair) to expect the woman to pay her way, neither person really owes the other anything at this stage

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 21/09/2022 17:53

50/50 if we want to be away from the patriarchy we need to be independent and fair with these costs. Have pride in paying your way!

WaveyHair · 21/09/2022 18:57

I would definitely say split costs 50:50 or at the very least make a contribution to the evening. One pays for food, the other wine etc. Most restaurants are happy to take a split payment.

It is the 'here's the receipt- send me half' I think is a bit off.

youlightupmyday · 22/09/2022 04:50

Actually, thinking back to my dating years post divorce. 50/50 if I didn't want to see them again and I let them insist on paying if I did. The men understood what that meant too. But I was in my 40s.

idrinkandiknowthings · 22/09/2022 13:25

Drcrane · 19/09/2022 14:00

My friends boyfriend pays all the bills when they go out then invoices her for half through PayPal because it would emasculate him for the staff to know she pays half.

Show quote history

Seriously?? What a fucking catch! 😅

joannaheather · 03/04/2023 14:33

I had a wonderful boyfriend a few years ago who was very upfront from the start, and said that as he earned 5/6 times what I earned, he would always be happy to pay for our meals out/hotels/holidays. I would buy food for home, cook and bake for him, buy coffees etc. It meant that we could both relax when making plans.

Currently been seeing someone who is the absolute opposite. He earns lots of money but is really tight. We've had about 5 dates and I think I am going to end it as I can see that his miserly behaviour also indicates a meanness with his spirit/love.

Zerrin13 · 03/04/2023 23:25

Mean with money mean with love

SunflowerTed · 05/04/2023 18:25

JangolinaPitt · 19/09/2022 13:32

Find it incredible on this day and age that you would expect the man to foot the whole bill. How embarrassing for him to have to give you the receipt before you took the hint

Totally agree

Paigeycakey · 06/04/2023 16:49

joannaheather · 03/04/2023 14:33

Interested when you say he's mean in what way? How many years meals out of 5 has he paid? Or does he request you share the bill.

LadyLapsang · 06/04/2023 17:44

OP, next time ask for the bill, pay it and then go to the loo. I have some seriously wealthy friends, but I go out with them for the pleasure of their company, not so they will pick up the bill. I find it weird that some women expect the benefits of equality at work (although we are not there yet) but want to be treated like an early 50s debutante when they go on a date.

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