I’ve been married for over 12 years, for the past 3 my wife has made a friend who has culturel connections. Same language, same city. She found forming friendships with other women very easy, but due to either selfishness or the way women are to each other can get very bitchy. So understand why she cut of ties with these friends.
The guy, a Doctor, single supporting his family back home, has befriended my wife. They talk in their native language most of the time, but do make efforts to speak in English in my presence but slip in their native language when they get into conversation. Would not say it’s on purpose, as English is not their first language.
I have for months explained the way I feel, not there friendship is causing insecurities but that I feel that she is not as close and I feel she feels closer to this friend.
My Wife then admitted that her relationship is closer than ours. And as I highlighted her statement, she then said other friends (girls) she is closer to them than me. Almost like she knew what she said and had to cover it with other friends.
She then blamed me for this, saying that I don’t make effort or engage with her. I do try and am trying harder, but it seems some days are really good and when I bring up any issue it’s reflected back on me.
Her Auntie, quite involved in peoples lives, actually told her that this relationship may not go down well her husband and going to the cinema with him (ps I knew this, and was fine with them going as was working). Wanted the wife happy as that time, we pretty much argued, so thought it was a way for her to relax.
I am not sure, what to think. Part of me thinks this friend is gay but won’t admit due to old fashioned culture, family etc
Part of me thinks it’s a genuine friendship but I am feeling like second fiddle. As they become closer, I feel that I am not as close as before and it slowly eroding away.
I am a very strong man, doing financially well, would not say I am ugly, and seem to be better position than this guy. Yet for the first time in my life, feeling sad and jealous over another man.
I like the guy, he’s kind and considerate, acts as an Uncle, brother to wife and to me a friend. (Though not the type I would hang with)
I told my wife it’s the intimacy and friendship between us, that seems lacking. Not this guy.
I also mentioned that I was lonely and so when I was thinking of inviting people for dinner (married couple) she said that they may kick off due to us having alcohol and that the community would look down upon us. This guy I befriended from same community, seemed quite chill, but he divorced his first wife supposedly due to religious reasons, yet his second wife seems opposite and not what I was told. He seemed pretty cool. But wife keeps joking that I only want to befriend him due to his wife. His wife is cool, European- I got on but no bad intentions, just wanted to build up friendships.
For past 10 years, I have been growing our business, and only focused on my family and rarely saw my friends. So as the business is really successful I thought I would make some effort in my friendships. Especially since my wife had these friendships, I thought it would be healthy for me too.
When I mentioned, that she even confirmed their closeness is more than ours, she said very abusive stuff, she kicked me out of the house, rather than get into an escalation, I left and stayed at my office for a few hours. Then she called me quite late to come back, I did and things seem calm.
Next day, I highlighted to her this and she denied it ever happened, I said this was lying, and she then laid out everything in the past that I have done. She does this quite well, I bring up current discontent, and she will dive in to the past and not be accountable.
To add, she is not the type to cheat or sleep around, this I know 100% certain, but I don’t know what to do. I think I am making effort in our relationship, maybe I can try harder. But when your better half, cannot compromise or understand or brush under the carpet your pain, I think it’s unfair and do I need to keep living like this.
Any opinions welcome, I have kept this as anonymous as possible as wife reads this forum.