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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I messaged my ex boyfriend on his wedding day...he's gonna think I'm crazy isn't here

217 replies

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:29

My ex is a narcissist or at least he has narcissistic traits.
He mentally /emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless.
We split 1 1/2 years ago and he didn't explain why he treated me bad,blamed me and then stopped replying to me.

I got upset last Saturday after finding out he was getting married
I messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)
I said how can he just move on and never give me any explanation to why he did all the things he did
It was long message
He obviously read it and ignored it
Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married.

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
I'm not

OP posts:
SunnyKlara · 09/08/2022 16:31

I think you need to remove any means you have of contacting him, stop worrying about what he thinks of you (don't give him the power) and focus on yourself

Beefilm · 09/08/2022 16:32

Um yes. Leave him be.

Idontknowwhattothink · 09/08/2022 16:32

Yeah but who cares what he thinks? The message is sent now. Put it out of your head. He will never acknowledge what he did to you, the nicest thing you can do is to stop seeking anything from him.

Be thankful he's someone else's problem now and go enjoy your life.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 09/08/2022 16:34

Yes he is, and possibly rightly so. You’ve accused him of all sorts but you’re the one contacting after a year and a half on his wedding day. As @sunnyklara said, you need to delete any means of contacting him. It’s unhealthy.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 09/08/2022 16:34

Give yourself a slap and move on op...

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/08/2022 16:34

Yes he will probably think your mad. Why message him, cut any ties and delete him.

coodawoodashooda · 09/08/2022 16:36

He's going to delighted with the attention

drpet49 · 09/08/2022 16:38

“Yes he is, and possibly rightly so. You’ve accused him of all sorts but you’re the one contacting after a year and a half on his wedding day.”

^This. Makes you look like the crazy ex

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/08/2022 16:38

That's if what you telling us is true.

Fairislefandango · 09/08/2022 16:39

I expect he'll laugh and be pleased with himself that you're still thinking about him. Sympathies for the way you were treated, but you need to move on.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/08/2022 16:40

Yes. Get therapy.

MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 16:41

How much have you been messaging him since you split? messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)

And of course if he's just married it's pretty usual to change a profile pic to this! Do you think he did it to spite you?

Terrariatime · 09/08/2022 16:42

If he's a narc he already thought you were crazy and told everyone anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dotcheck · 09/08/2022 16:42

It’s been a year and a half since you split and he’s walking down the aisle. I think it’s pretty obvious why you split.

Leave the dude alone

GreenManalishi · 09/08/2022 16:42

What he thinks of you isn't the point. He might think you're a headcase, but that shouldn't be your concern. Let this be the point where you realise that your behaviour isn't healthy and get some help with that. It's not easy to walk away from a disfunctional relationship and just snap out of it, you sound like you need some therapy to move on.

mummymeister · 09/08/2022 16:43

He has moved on and will be so flattered that you are still thinking about him after all of this time. Dont. just dont. Dont pander to his massive ego. dont show him anything about yourself now. dont contact him, look at his facebook profile or anything else to do with him on social media again.

CrushedPistachios · 09/08/2022 16:52

You do need to move on op

Angrypandy · 09/08/2022 16:53

Yes you are. If he was a true narcissist you definitely wouldn't be inviting contact with him. You'd just be glad he was leaving you alone. Just block him on all social media and move on.

Angrypandy · 09/08/2022 16:54

It's also perfectly normal to change your profile pic to one of you and your bride after getting married. It's not about you.

Afterfire · 09/08/2022 16:54

Why would you do this to yourself?

You need to completely block him on everything. He doesn’t exist to you anymore.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:54

We split because he totally head screwed me
Cheated on me multiple times but took delight in it.
I messaged him two days after asking for a explanation then no more till his wedding day.
He has lots of ex's he's done the same too (except those women he accused of hitting him)

OP posts:
pictish · 09/08/2022 16:56

On his wedding day though…did you seriously expect a sincere reply?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/08/2022 16:57

said kindly as possible, but you need to let it go.
The part in your post where you think that him changing his photo is anything to do with you or even aimed at you is very telling tbh.

Suprima · 09/08/2022 16:58

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:54

We split because he totally head screwed me
Cheated on me multiple times but took delight in it.
I messaged him two days after asking for a explanation then no more till his wedding day.
He has lots of ex's he's done the same too (except those women he accused of hitting him)

Nothing you are saying is making this situation better

i’m sorry he treated you badly- but there is no way he is giving you this much headspace. Or any headspace.

why do you need an explanation for his behaviour? If he’s a narc as you say, you don’t get one

remove all methods of communicating with him. All you’ll do is flatter him. You don’t need ‘closure’. Your split was closure.

Lapland123 · 09/08/2022 16:59

Forget what as t he thinks of this, it’s done now and you’ll be far from the last person who does this.

Just focus on yourself and enjoying your own life now