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Original poster

I messaged my ex boyfriend on his wedding day...he's gonna think I'm crazy isn't here

217 replies

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:29

My ex is a narcissist or at least he has narcissistic traits.
He mentally /emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless.
We split 1 1/2 years ago and he didn't explain why he treated me bad,blamed me and then stopped replying to me.

I got upset last Saturday after finding out he was getting married
I messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)
I said how can he just move on and never give me any explanation to why he did all the things he did
It was long message
He obviously read it and ignored it
Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married.

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
I'm not

OP posts:
Thinkingblonde · 09/08/2022 19:42

It’s done now, you can’t unsend it so block him, delete him from your contact list, thank your luck stars that he’s out of your life and move on.
Youll never get the answers you seek from him, he won’t give answers because he hadn’t got any, not any that will help you anyway. But you know deep down what those answers are: because he’s a lying cheating prick who treats women like shit.
Live your life for you, look forward to a better future without him.

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 09/08/2022 19:45

He’s not going to give you a answer about the way he was with you and if he did what difference would it make he still hurt you. You blocked his wife but just hid him. Block him and move on. Life’s too short

Highfivemum · 09/08/2022 19:48

I would say your hurting. Really hurting. The only way you will start to heal is block everything that relates to him. He doesn’t exist. Enjoy the your life and move forward. Then you will heal. Revenge is not needed . You moving forward is revenge enough good luck

ScarlettnotOHara · 09/08/2022 19:54

You had a lucky escape then ! You need to make peace with yourself , move on and stop contacting him !

Hira3 · 09/08/2022 19:58

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:23

@AnneLovesGilbert I would never ever want anything to do with him...I want a explanation why he did all the things he did.

Well your not going to get it now, so move on and stop acting like the unstable one.

Fluffymule · 09/08/2022 19:59

DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 09/08/2022 19:13

No response IS A response.

Yes.

It's futile you seeking an answer from him about his behaviour and actions. You are now irrelevant to him, he won't engage.

You should be seeking answers to why you still need engagement with him like this, and why you have not deleted and blocked him on all social media platforms, erased his number and any information you have to contact him.

Your happiness and future wellbeing should not be hostage to you obsessing over this man and his past actions.

Perhaps you'd find tools to move on and focus on your future within counselling or therapy?

Baaaaaa · 09/08/2022 20:07

That's what narcs want. All they want really. You just gave him a fabulous wedding gift. Remember why you split. The person you fell in love with (are maybe still a bit in love with) was a figment of your imagination

NanaNelly · 09/08/2022 20:10

Op, he can’t give you the answers you want because he doesn’t think and feel like most other people do. You’ve said he’s a narcissist so any interaction between you is going to be along the lines of women are from Venus and narcissists are from the land of narcisstia. .

OneDay2022 · 09/08/2022 20:11

Move on.

What a ridiculous waste of your time, pining after him.

Get a life. Loads of much better men out there, it sounds like you want a hard time and enjoy subconsciously self-sabotaging any attempt you conscious self is trying make at being happy.

In the end, you choose.

You might make excuses - "you don't understand" etc.

No I don't understand why you'd value yourself so poorly and so lowly that you'd allow a man to trample all over you and then contact him just before his wedding day.

YOU HAD A LUCKY ESCAPE.

Life is all about how you view things. Cup half full, cup half empty.

In the end you choose.

Lunalae · 09/08/2022 20:12

Maybe he left because you're obsessed with him and still texting him after 18 months, and on his wedding day too? You don't just think you're being a bit... nuts?

Please, you've already done the actual most embarrassing thing ever. Consider emigration.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 09/08/2022 20:13

II think he signifies more in your life than you do in his

fourquenelles · 09/08/2022 20:17

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:23

@AnneLovesGilbert I would never ever want anything to do with him...I want a explanation why he did all the things he did.

I am so sorry OP but you are never going to get the explanation you want or any explanation come to that. You need to accept this and move on.

Rottenpumpkin · 09/08/2022 20:21

Lunalae · 09/08/2022 20:12

Maybe he left because you're obsessed with him and still texting him after 18 months, and on his wedding day too? You don't just think you're being a bit... nuts?

Please, you've already done the actual most embarrassing thing ever. Consider emigration.

What do you get out of kicking someone who is already down...?

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 09/08/2022 20:32

There are a lot of people who are masters of this and set you up to look like you are unstable when you are responding to perfectly normal impulses (why did he dump me, what happened? etc etc). The only way to deal is to duck out of it - the less you have to do with them the better. You will either be ignored (which is upsetting and makes you seem unimportant) or ranted at and blamed (which can make you doubt your own sanity). Disengage.

wellhelloitsme · 09/08/2022 20:32

diamondpony80 · 09/08/2022 18:53

Don't send him messages or make any contact with him at all. You are just giving him satisfaction by making him think you're suffering without him. He will LOVE that, and he will be telling everyone you're crazy and still chasing after him.

Don't be upset that he's getting married to someone else - just be glad it isn't you!

No matter what you say to a narcissist, he will NEVER apologise or even think that he did anything wrong. In his head, it's all your fault. You will never get any explanation.

If you're still struggling with this after all this time you should really think about getting therapy. I was married to a narcissist for a long time so I know what I'm talking about. Your description of this guy could literally be describing mine - the crazy exes, silent treatment, abusive behaviour etc.

There's nothing you could've done - he is what he is. You're one of the lucky ones because you got away.

This was a really kind, wise message but you seem more interested in arguing with people you disagree with instead of engaging with people who are sharing kind posts.

He's an arsehole by the sounds of it but unfortunately you messaging on his wedding day will have done nothing other than fed his ego and given him ammunition to label you mental.

The way he treated you during the relationship was unacceptable and wrong. But life isn't fair, we don't always get closure from external sources and have to take responsibility for moving on ourselves, even if that takes therapy.

He's never going to give you the closure you want. Ever.

So there's no point even looking at his social pages any more. And if you still think of him, you need to have some counselling which isn't an insult, it's something more people should do to process traumatic relationships they've had with toxic people like him.

Any message you send him literally just appears in his brain as "haha she's still obsessed with me" (I'm not saying you are, I'm saying that's how he will think of it) so the only person who benefits from you contacting him is... him.

wellhelloitsme · 09/08/2022 20:33

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:54

Also my close friend is on his Facebook friends so actively tells me things even when I don't want to know
I hid his Facebook profile so I wouldn't have to see things

Your friend is a prick then. Tell him / her again you don't want to know anything about him and if they tell you anything about him ever again then they aren't a true friend.

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 09/08/2022 20:35

You need to stop this crazy behaviour. Block his number everywhere, delete him off social media, remove any temptation and forget about him. He’s forgotten about you 🤷‍♀️

WhimsicalGubbins · 09/08/2022 20:36

I’m not really understanding why you messaged him?
What you’ve done is give him the power back. You’re not going to move on by seeking answers, there isn’t any answers. He did it because he’s an arsehole.
Now forget he exists, work on some self care and move on.

Many of us on here have violent, abusive exes, I’m one of them, but I got closure the day I took out the restraining order. Haven’t seen him since and it’s all good now. I don’t know why he battered me, I don’t need to know, I just know I needed him gone-and he is. Many years ago now

AuntMargo · 09/08/2022 20:39

What a ridiculous thing to do, for goodness sake move on !!!

Ilovemycat1 · 09/08/2022 20:40

He wont care
He didnt care about you then he wont care about you now

Harsh but true

Stop torturing yourself
Move on

TommySaid · 09/08/2022 20:57

Delete his number.

Delete his social media.

He doesn’t want to get back with you.

If he replies delete it.

decayingmatter · 09/08/2022 21:02

You are determined to take no accountability for your own behaviour. In this situation it doesn't matter if he was a shit boyfriend to you/didn't give you answers/whatever else it is you feel aggrieved about. He doesn't owe you anything any more, and I actually think it's really self-involved and narcissistic of you to message the man demanding answers on his wedding day. What a horrible thing to do, I would be furious to receive a message like that from an ex on the day I was getting married. Leave him alone and go reflect on your own issues, forget his.

W00p · 09/08/2022 21:18

You should be thanking your lucky stars he's not your problem anymore. What a lucky escape.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/08/2022 21:20

oh dear. Time to move on.

Crankley · 09/08/2022 21:24

If his now wife sees your message, he will explain it away by saying you're his crazy ex - and she will have no reason to disbelieve him.

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